The Summers After

five

BELLY

Conrad was right, having the house to themselves is proving very advantageous. Conrad comes home from work during his lunch, or when he's not in surgery to spend time with her. They take long walks through the city, eat at their favorite restaurants, drink incredible wine, stay out too late — all without having to worry about getting home to the boys.

Belly calls Laurel multiple times throughout the day, and Laurel always assures her that they are angels. When Conrad is at work, Belly naps, shops, cleans the house, does everything she would normally rush through if she had the kids.

Late Tuesday night, Belly and Conrad are laying on the floor of the family room. Conrad brought every blanket they own downstairs, tons of pillows and just like he promised, he made them a fort.

"This is a good fort, Con."

He strokes her back softly, "I'm glad you approve."

"Will you answer me something, honestly?"

"Sure," he looks at her seriously, his green eyes alive in the little light from the lamp at the entrance of their fort.

"Does it bother you that I don't work?" Belly asks, avoiding eye contact.

Conrad looks startled by the question, he composes himself before answering. "I haven't ever given it much thought, so no? Why do you ask?"

"I just wondered. You work so hard and I am a stay at home mom."

Conrad strokes her cheek softly, "Bells, you work 10 times harder than I do by being a mom. You are single-handedly keeping our kids alive. That is not something I take lightly, and I definitely don't think it's something to scoff at,"

Belly smiles. Conrad always knows what to say, "Thank you for saying that. I just don't want you to think I take you for granted, you're the soul breadwinner, and I really appreciate being able to stay home."

"I don't think you take it for granted, at all. I'm really glad you get to be with them all day." Conrad lays his head next to hers, so close their noses are close to touching. "I hope they know how lucky they are to have you as their mom, you're everything."

Belly closes the gap between them to kiss him. They fall asleep like that, not an inch of space between their bodies.

Conrad is gone when Belly wakes up. There's a note on the counter for her.

I hope you slept well. I'll bring home Monty's tonight for dinner. I love you. - C

Belly takes a shower with one thing on her mind, Conrad. He occupies her head, even now. She can't believe that 15 years ago, having dinner with Conrad would have felt like a dream, and now they have dinner together every night. She gets pieces of him that he never lets anyone else see. She gets to memorize every inch of his skin, and be touched by him. She truly feels like the luckiest girl in the world.

Belly walks around Boston that afternoon, she visits her favorite cafe and reads a book for a while. She sits by the harbor and watches boats come in and out, something that reminds her of Conrad. She grabs her phone and hits the speed dial for her mom.

"Hi honey!" She says cheerfully on the other end.

"Hi mom. How's it going?" She can hear Matt in the background talking.

"It's good, we're having a great time! Aren't we Matty?" Matt yells something in the back and it makes her mom laugh. "We're all good, how are you doing? Are you guys having a good time?"

"We are, Con is at work right now so I'm just hanging out by myself."

"How's Boston?"

"Good, I'm hardly ever here in the summer, I forget how nice it is," Belly says softly. A young couple jogs by her.

"I'm sure, I only know Cousins summers." Her mom says back to her.

"Hey mom?"

"Hmm?"

"Did you and Dad ever talk about more kids after me?"

Her mom inhales, probably scrunching her nose at the question. "Umm, I don't think so. We were really happy with you and Steven, it never even came up."

"Do you ever think about it now?"

"No, I really don't." Her mom is so matter of fact in her life. Two kids. It was perfect, and she would never dwell on what could have been. "Is something going on Bells?"

"Conrad told me he wants another baby, and I don't know how I feel about it. I just thought we'd be done at two," Belly's voice is shakey and she can't really control it.

"Wow. Well, what are your thoughts?"

"I really don't know. Three kids feels like a lot to me, but Conrad has given me the world, can't I give him a third?"

"Marriage isn't like that, Isabel," Belly internally dies at the use of her full name, she feels like she's in trouble, "he has given you a wonderful life, but that doesn't mean you have to give him a third child."

"I know, I know," Belly says with a groan.

"Does he want a girl?"

The question shocks Belly. How did she know that? "Why do you ask?" She tries to play it cool but her tone is anything but.

"Adam and Susannah always wanted a girl."

"They did?"

"Yep, I never figured they shared that with Conrad or Jeremiah, but Adam really wanted a girl."

Belly is shocked, maybe Conrad does take after his Dad more than he would like. "I didn't know that,"

"Here's the thing Belly, Conrad is a wonderful father, but at the end of the day, the responsibility is always going to fall more heavily on a mother. Is another child something you can handle? You have to carry it, you sacrifice your body. Not him." Henry starts crying in the background, "Oh Bells, I've got to go. Hen just woke up. Love you!" She hangs up before Belly can even respond.

She thinks about what her mom said for a long time. Ever since Conrad brought it up, she can't stop picturing a little girl — their little girl. Long hair, stupid bracelets lining her arms, obsessed with her dad. The thought could make Belly cry, in the best way. Conrad and Belly have gotten through everything life has thrown at them, surely another kid wouldn't be that hard. But there's something nagging Belly, down in her soul.

What if it isn't a girl?