The Summers After

eleven

BELLY

Their July 4th parties have always been small. Just family. Of course, now the kids are around, so that does spice things up. Shayla and Belly bought the three kids matching swimsuits. Henry is actively scooting around the patio. Matt and Mallory are running around the yard together, Matt is chasing her with something.

Belly begged Conrad to wear an American Flag shirt, so he did, even though he doesn't look happy about it. Belly's wearing a white dress with red earrings, trying to channel Susannah. Mom is back this week after having spent a week in Boston. Jeremiah is still at the house, but he hasn't been around much. He's usually surfing, or catching up with friends. He works from a cafe sometimes and disappears for a few hours at a time.

Belly is working on getting the house shut down for when they leave in two days. Back to Boston.

They're all outside by the pool when they hear a car door slam. Conrad looks puzzled, "someone else coming?"

Everyone is shocked to see John and Adam walk in together. Mr. Conklin & Mr. Fisher, together again. There's half a second of awkward silence before Steven walks over to hug their dad.

"Thought we'd surprise you!" Adam says happily.

Belly looks over at Conrad, then Jeremiah. For some reason, Jeremiah is easier to read in this moment and he doesn't seem pleased. He hugs his dad anyway.

"Good to see you, Jere. You're looking fit."

Jeremiah sort of smiles, but his lips are more just creased in a pinched together line. "Thanks Dad."

"Hey Connie!" Adam shouts in his direction. Conrad waves awkwardly.

"Hey Dad." He says quietly. They don't hug.

Belly hugs her Dad and then takes their bags inside. She doesn't know where to put them, the house is full. Steven and Shayla are in Steven's. Matt and Mallory have a guest bedroom. Laurel stays in her old room. Belly and Conrad took Conrad's old room and that's where they have Henry's crib. Jeremiah stays in his old room. But that only leaves the master, where Susannah slept. No one has even set foot in there since she died. Almost 8 years ago. They've haven't all been here since then, together.

She decides to handle it later tonight. She looks over at the deck, Adam and her dad are sitting with the kids, talking to them about something. She had no idea the two of them had become friends. They weren't particularly close while the kids were growing up, but now they seem — chummy?

Conrad and Jeremiah are standing by the grill, talking quietly. She decides it's best not to interrupt. Her mom is setting up snacks at a long white buffet table.

"Did you know they were coming?"

She doesn't make eye contact, "I had mentioned something to your Dad. He wanted to see you guys."

"You could have given me a heads up. Conrad doesn't do well when his Dad just drops in like this."

Her mom looks behind her at Conrad. "He'll be okay."

Belly rolls her eyes. She says it so matter of factly. "Mom, don't push them. Conrad and Mr. Fisher will figure it out on their own,"

Her mom snaps her head to look at Belly, "Beck would be disappointed in Conrad's behavior towards his Dad, Isabel."

I want to slap her. How dare she bring up to Susannah to me like that. I look her, dead in the eyes, "Don't ever talk to me about Susannah again. You don't know what she would want. And you don't get to pressure Conrad into something he's uncomfortable with."

Her mom opens her mouth to say something but shuts it just as quickly. The shock of what Belly said is written all over her face. Belly sets down her plate of food and walks inside. She slams the door behind her, she probably caused a scene but she doesn't care.

She hates fighting with her mom, and she knows how disrespectful it was for her to take that tone. But Belly couldn't stand it. People act like they understand Conrad, know what he's been through and they just don't. Belly paces around the white wood coffee table in the quiet living room.

The door opens, "Are you okay?" It's Jeremiah.

She spins around to face him. She plasters a smile across her face, "Absolutely fine." She clears her throat and straightens her dress.

Jeremiah half shakes his head at her, "Just sit down Belly."

"Jere, honestly, I'm good."

"I know you are." He says quietly, "You're always good." His tone isn't playful or fun, it's actually very un-Jeremiah like. It's serious, matter of fact.

Belly doesn't know how to respond, "Are you okay with your Dad being here?"

Jeremiah flops down onto the couch with a huff, "I don't know." He shrugs, "I don't know if I care actually. He isn't going away, and he's the only parent I've got so."

"I didn't know your feelings about him had changed. Last time we talked about him, you two were good."

"My feelings haven't changed." Jeremiah looks out at the patio where Mr. Fisher is smiling happily with a beer in his hand, "Did you know he cheated on her? While she was sick?"

Belly did know that. "Yes."

"Of course, Con would have told you," Jeremiah realizes it was a dumb question, "I was mad about it for a long time. It was a delayed reaction, but I understood how Conrad felt. For like, one second, I saw it from his eyes." Jeremiah leans forward and puts his head in his hands, "He knew she was sick, and he knew that our Dad was cheating. He was grieving our mom, and the Dad he thought he knew. That's a lot for a 17 year old kid." Belly just nods. Jeremiah continues, "So I guess what I'm saying is, I love my Dad. But I'm mad at him. I'm mad at the chip he put on my shoulder — on Conrad's shoulder. I'm mad he left her when she needed him. I'm mad that he let her push him away."

Belly sits down next to him, she takes a deep breath. "I think, parents do the best they can. Now that I am one, I've already made so many mistakes. Your dad was never going to be perfect. Neither was your mom." Belly smiles, "she was pretty damn close though. But Jere, they did the best they could."

Jeremiah looks over at her, and their eyes meet. Belly feels the love radiating between them, it's still there, just like it always has been. "Conrad, he's a good dad, isn't he?"

It's less of a question, more of a statement. Belly nods, "He's the best. I'm biased, but he's the best."

"When he told me you were pregnant with Matt, I had this moment where I wondered if he would be like him — our dad."

Belly shakes her head, suddenly wanting to be next to Conrad, "He isn't. He's good, and kind, and present."

"Conrad always did everything best." Jeremiah is already standing up.

Belly watches him walk back outside. He's not the same. Some of the light he once had is gone, and Belly wonders if it's because of her. Or if it's just everything? Or maybe some other girl has come along, and broken his heart. She isn't sure, and she isn't sure she'll ever see the real Jeremiah again. The Jeremiah who taught her how to drive, who laughed while the car jolted forwards because she couldn't figure out the clutch.

She stands up, and rejoins the party. Sometimes, things never fully heal.