The Summers After

fourteen

CONRAD

Conrad is careful not to wake Belly when he gets out of bed the next morning. She's sound asleep in the middle of the bed when he leaves her. They didn't say much to each other last night while they got ready for bed, and he's pretty sure she would have heard at least part of what Jeremiah said.

He walks downstairs, and sure enough, Jeremiah's bags are by the front door. Conrad walks into the kitchen, Jeremiah is sitting at the counter eating a bowl of cereal.

"Hey." Conrad says shortly.

"Don't worry, I'm leaving."

"Jere, we need to talk about last night."

Jeremiah stands up and starts rinsing his bowl, "Don't patronize me, Conrad. I'm not in the mood."

"I don't give a shit if you're in the mood!" Conrad barks at him, "We need to talk."

Jeremiah slams the water off, "What do you want me to say? Huh?" Jeremiah raises his voice.

"I'm sorry." Conrad says quietly. "I am, Jere. Truly. I know I hurt you. I wish it didn't happen the way it did."

"Fuck you, Conrad." He sets his hands down on the counter. "You aren't sorry. You've been like this your whole life, you take whatever you want."

"Hold on a second, I didn't take her. She chose me. I know that sucks to hear, but I didn't take her from you."

"What was your intention then? The night before our wedding when you told her you loved her?" Conrad knew when he did it that it was messed up, but he needed her to know. It was selfish, he could have shut his mouth and maybe Belly and Jeremiah would be together. Jeremiah continues, "You knew what you were doing. You knew it would throw her off."

"Did you honestly think she was over me when you proposed?" Conrad pushes back gently. It isn't fair for Jeremiah to pin all of this on him.

Jeremiah's eyes flare, "I knew she wasn't."

Conrad exhales. They don't speak for a few minutes. They just stare at each other, tensions high. "Are you still in love with her?"

Jeremiah's shoulders fall, and he looks genuinely hurt by the question. "No. Of course I'm not. What kind of fucked up person would I have to be to do that to you? But the pain is still there."

"When I say I understand what you're going through, I do. The pain of being without her almost killed me. And I really am sorry. I'm sorry you're hurting. I don't want that for you."

"I know you don't, but that's the thing Conrad, one of us was always going hurt."

Conrad nods. He knows this. Belly was going to be a Fisher, and that was going to break one of them. It almost broke Conrad once. "She loves you, Jere. So do I, and I know it's complicated and kind of fucked up but we're family. And I just want you to know, whenever you're ready, we'll be here."

Jeremiah stares at him, "I'm sorry about what I said yesterday. I know it was all out of line. I said some stupid things. I shouldn't have even been here."

"This house will always be yours. I didn't mean what I said yesterday. It's always yours."

Jeremiah looks around, "How do you come back here? Doesn't it feel haunted without her?"

Conrad sits down at the counter, opposite of Jeremiah. "No, not really. I mean, I kind of feel closest to her here."

"I should go, I'm on a flight to LA this afternoon." Jeremiah says softly.

"You don't have to go."

"I think I need a little time, Conrad."

Conrad nods, "Okay."

Jeremiah stops next to him on his way out the door and sets his hand on his shoulder, "I'll see ya."

"Safe travels."

"Tell Belly I'm sorry about the house."

Conrad nods, "Of course."

Jeremiah walks away and Conrad hears the door shut. His car pulls out of the driveway a few seconds later. Conrad wants to go back upstairs and get into bed with his wife. He wants to hold her as close as possible and kiss her soft lips. He wants to memorize every inch of her skin, even though he probably already has.

But instead, he sits down on the patio steps, and hangs his head in his hands. He's been selfish. He knew the wound of losing her would cut Jeremiah into pieces. He genuinely loved her. Conrad assumed that time had helped. This isn't the first time Jeremiah has been around, why is all of this being brought up now?

Conrad wants to run after his brother. To help him through his pain, but how could he? How could he possibly begin to be a good brother again after everything? After all the heartbreak, for both of them, after losing the one thread that bound them, Susannah. It felt so far away, the ability to be brothers again. Would they ever get it back?

Conrad sits on the steps, reliving their childhood. Jeremiah and Conrad were so different from the very beginning. Conrad was focused and driven, eager to please his parents, hungry for success. Jeremiah was silly and playful, always eager for adventure. But they were brothers, and despite their differences, they were connected from day one. They held each others secrets and covered for each other with their parents. And then during the summer, Steven joined and it was like having a third brother. The three of them had the best time together. They learned how to surf together, they shared the stories of their first kisses, supported each others dreams and aspirations.

And then there was Belly. The four of them. The summer kids. They would always have summer, but maybe that wasn't enough.