solace | theboyz

15

her shoulders felt heavy than usual, but the heart inside her was definitely heavier.

sara picks her coat up from the bench and wears it comfortably, leaving the buttons opened. it was not that cold, not that warm either. she never really cares about how the weather affect her as whole, but decides to just wear the coat as she's too lazy to hold it through.

the 48 continuous hours this time felt like forever for her, she's been eager to have some rest and to be honest; that's so unusual of sara chae. she's the type to overwork herself, why suddenly looking out for the one day break off the hospital?

she walked passed through the entrance of the hospital, rush of outside humid air greets her. she stops for awhile, trying to inhale as much as she can. sigh escapes her lips; no wonder today felt so different.

hyunjae was not here, together with her.

the last hours she spent during their shifts, he has been avoiding her, and ofcourse she noticed it. she sensed something was off, knowing he would never suddenly act like an asshole out of the blue.

he's a very nice man, and something is definitely off when she saw him right after when their shifts ended today.

she hasn't had the chance to have a proper talk with him as she's occupied with the preparations of lee juyeon's heart surgery transplant, so she decided that today would be the best time to sit and talk it out with him.

to her own surprise, she was wrong.

flashback earlier, in the hospital.

"hey jae? let's sit here for awhile."

he turns as she is holding onto his arm, dragging him gently to the bench. urging him to seat, he looked away the moment she tried to talk. she can't deny that she's hurt of how he was treating her lately but this was the purpose on having a friend right ? to look out on each other when either one went through a hard time.

so there she is now beside him, ready to hear whatever it is that's messing with his mind. only she never was prepared on what she's going to hear.

"i have nothing to talk to you, so mind if you excuse me ? i need to sign tons of discharge papers," he replies, somehow it's so cold that it stabs right through her heart.

she was taken aback, mixed feelings started to overwhelm her mind. the last time he talked to her this way was.. during their first time meeting each other; which she never wanted to remember.

"jae.. what happened ? you know you can talk it out to me i'm always listening-,"

"can you for once shut the fuck up ?!" he yells, cutting her off that instant. his jaw was tightened and all she can see from his eyes is fear. her eyes went wide, trying to comprehend the situation.

"i am so fucking tired to even look at your face right now," he continues, hesitantly.

"oh really?" she snaps, "so fucking tired of me?"

he went silent, as he looked right back at her. he stares at the wall for a good minute, "you don't have to pretend like you care." she scoffed in disbelief, "are you fucking serious now, lee jaehyun ?"

he stood up and kicked the bench hard, "don't fucking say that name."

she stood up slowly, matching his height; never breaking the eye contact. "jaehyun? why? do i remind you of your late sister?"

he kicked the bench even harder, screaming his heart out. "shut the fuck up sara !"

"she wouldn't want to see you once again like this jae. i don't know what might trigger you back this time but you know you can always tell me if you need a fucking help. i am here, and i will not let this trauma haunts you your whole fucking life !"

he stares at her with a a look that she can't explain, before tears starts escaping his eyelids. his body felt lightweight as it falls back on the bench. he cries, as if he's been bottling up his feelings ever since. his hand rummaging through his hair harshly; he lets out a frustrated sigh.

"you don't have to keep pretending that you're okay. everyone goes through hard times like this and we all need someone. jae, you have me. i am always here for you," she says, almost choking on her own tears. "i hate this, i hate the way you're treating me these past few days. it's like the old version of you, and i don't want you to be that person again."

she stops, clearly holding her tears back. "i know that it's still hard to accept that your sister was gone, eventhough you lost her years ago. i know that you are still healing, so i am here to help you," she choked.

"i know that it's even harder for you ever since lee juyeon was admitted in, all the reason why you kept on having panic attacks recently" she continues. "i knew that your sister died due to the same illness that he have now, i know that it's hard for you to do your job since you might think it's unfair that he's surviving; unlike your sister.."

"but life goes on, hyunjae. your sister might die because of it, but what's important was she fought it till her last breath. you helped her and im sure she's hella proud of you now. this is your chance to escape this traumatic past of yours jae.. im sure she's going to be super happy if you saved ones life that suffered the same thing like she did."

he kept on crying, succumbing to the feelings that was haunting him.

"you knew nothing about her, sara"

she wiped her face, losing the tears fight between herself. she walked away to the door, turning around slightly as she hold the handle.

"take your time, jae. i love you"

_

the red light shines coming from the traffic, being the witness of her tears flowing down horribly. she hangs her head down low as she tries to breathe properly.

"im sorry, jae. im sorry that i had to be harsh on you.."