solace | theboyz

21

it has been a month since she's been recollecting herself, and now her feet is finally standing infront of a scrub area right before the operating theatre. she looks at the situation inside through the glass window, trying to be as transparent as she could to herself.

"there was signs of brain activity detected. he might came back to us, if he really did.. it's definitely a miracle."

finding yourself after continuous tragic events happening in your life was not easy, though she admit that her mind is still somewhere even after she was cleared for surgery. for a surgeon, it is important that they are all aware of what they're working with. it is not something that should be taken easily, but somehow how long does she has to wait until she's recovered?

the best solution is just to ignore and continue with your life routine.

"i'm fine. i am ready." are what has been repeatedly playing on her mind. it's the only thing that was making her sane, it's the scalpel. a shiny metal which have a very sentimental value to her. one blade to slice open a human being, for once you are similar to a captain that conducts the ship.

people obeys you. people look out for you. people gives you what you want, follow whatever that came out from your mouth without questioning. you were given the power to either heal or kill someone. a pair of hands were enough to determine a future.

hyunjae just needs to survive. that's what all he needs to do so she doesn't have to deal with his heart and suffer with guilt if he dies.

truth is, none of that were true. they were not god, though they were gifted with skills that may help a human being. if a person dies on their table, then they dies. they don't magically return back to life if the surgeon working on them was some successful surgeons who never fails.

bitter truth, but she can't just get him to wake up by pushing some drugs into his bloodstream.

surgeons have their time where they feel everything that they tried were hopeless the moment they cut open someone. a plan that was made could turn into dust within seconds if another unseen malignant tumour was discovered in a patient. it was all hopeless, then they will decide whether to continue or close them up.

that was when you will rethink your life choices on why on earth did you pick this path of life when you could be doing so much more low risk but high paid jobs rather than freely killing people when you don't have any other options.

then when you decided to close the person up, there comes another responsibility; telling the family on how you have failed miserably as a surgeon. you'll hear different cries, screams and even beggings. even all of those things stayed in your mind forever, you just learned to live with it. their tears would play endlessly in your mind while you are doing another surgery, thinking on how much of a failure you are.

and that what makes you want to try harder. that what makes you feel like you should strive for more, work as hard as you can ensure you would never encounter those episodes in your life again.

then without you even realising it, everything keeps on coming back to you like an endless loop. you'll watch some people survived, and you also watch those who didn't. at first it was hard to believe it, maybe even worse on your emotions control but as the time passed, you learned on how to cope with the death of your patients.

only it never occur once to you that the patient would be the person that was the closest to you, a person who is a surgeon himself. who works at the same hospital as you did, devoting his skills to help people around him have a future that they always wanted.

the tap infront of her that runs the water continuously was twisted slowly by a hand yet she's still scrubbing her hand, unaware with the surrounding.

"are you sure you're alright, doctor chae ?"

sara quickly turns to her side while drying her hands with a towel. "yes,chief. i am alright."

"you don't seem like you are,"

"i really am chief. it's a pleasure to be working with you again. im sorry for my absence the whole month," she hesitates. "i hope you don't think i am not capable on doing surgeries just because my friend is laying down in his deep sleep on a hospital bed. i am present here today and i want to do the surgery."

younghoon smiles softly, thinking on how well he had taught her to become such a wonderful surgeon.

to be able to separate your emotions and work is not an easy process afterall.

"you'll have the operating theatre to yourself today, doctor chae,"

she bows, "thank you, chief."

she then leaves the scrubbing area and walks straightly to the nurse and gowned herself. her heart beats erratically the moment she steps in the operating theatre where there are a full team of doctors in charge under her during the surgery, where she's going to be a captain.

cheers and applause greeted her when she stepped in, "welcome back doctor chae !"

sara smiles, taking her place at the side of the patient while inhaling the air slowly. the rush of adrenaline reignite her passion for the job and dreams she held on for so long.

"it's a good day to save lives everyone."