Wild Avalon

3

I hiked for a few hours as I was. No matter where I looked, there was only more wide open space. I could no longer hear any signs of human life. I stripped down to nothing. Letting my own skin enjoy the sunlight and chill breezes.

I packed everything into my custom backpack. Adjusting the straps. Finally, for the first time in too long. I let Hilda free. Buff colored fur with white spots along my flanks as my body morphed. Hilda most closely resembled a bobcat on longer legs with the colors of a deer, large ears and two small knobbed antlers. A hybrid like us wasn't supposed to exist.

Hilda wriggled under the supply bag, getting her front legs through the straps. It was heavy, and cut down on her ability to show off her agility. Once the bag settled into place, Hilda took off at a racing speed. Bounding over the ground in long leaps the open air. Relishing the chance to run wild and free. Without worrying that someone would see us.

Warm sunshine on our skin, fresh pure air blowing on the wind through our fur. Our strong powerful legs quickly moving us deeper and deeper into wild untamed lands. An eagle soaring in lazy circles high in the sky, countless hares scattering away from Hilda's racing form.

She was eager to hunt. We needed to reach the stream I had marked for our first campsite before any hunting could happen. Once I had my tent constructed, we could leave the bag of supplies and she could run completely free and hunt our dinner. I had a feeling Hilda was pushing herself hard now just to get to the hunting part sooner. I couldn't blame her, she had only had a chance hunt once before. She was overdue for another.

I kept warning Hilda to pace herself. She wasn't used to running this long, this hard, and certainly had never run with a full hiking kit on her back. She was going to be too tired to hunt tonight if she didn't slow down. Proud cat did not heed my wise warning.

Far earlier in the day than I had planned we arrived at the small babbling brook that marked our first camp site. The water came from a mountain spring and would be safe to drink as it was. An important consideration for all my camping sites to cut down on the weight of supplies I had to carry.

Hilda lay down and wriggled herself out of the backpack. Plunging into the brook, lapping up water until her belly was full. I told her to shift back, trying to take control but it was no use. She had worn herself out. Hauling her body out of the shallow brook, curling up instantly on the soft long grasses by the bank and immediately Hilda went to sleep.

I woke up, naked in my own body. Hilda, still happily napping in the back of my mind. I was starving and my body felt the workout Hilda had put us through. The only positive was that because we were so far north, there was still plenty of light for me to set up a cook fire and my tent. In fact, full night wouldn't come the entire time I was here, the night sky would always have a twinge of dusky color where sun wouldn't ever quite set all the way.

I got dressed. More to help sheid my skin from the sun's rays than any other reason and set to work setting the tent. Rolling out my bedroll inside the small made for one tent. It wasn't much, but it would keep the bugs off me while I slept.

I ate one of my protein energy bars to fend off the worst of my hunger pains and set my collapsible net in the brook on the off chance that I would be so lucky as to catch a few little silver trout for dinner, since it was clear Hilda wasn't going to wake up and want to hunt tonight.

With the bright blue tent marking my home base easily against the green grass background, I lazily gathered firewood in the open meadow around me. Listening to rabbits and small rodents trundle and scamper in the grasses, trying to avoid being noticed. A half cat shifter was still more than enough of a predator for the small animals to notice.

After nearly six years dedicated to my studies and work at the university, this was as near to heaven as I had ever been. Letting my dark blonde hair wave wildly as the wind teased through the loose locks. Instead of having my hair twisted, braided and pinned up tight to keep it out of my face while reading. I also liked wearing my loose linen shorts, and breezy top with built in sun protection. A far cry from the skirt sets, and business attire I wore most days at the university.

This is why I chose biology and then a focus towards ecology for my studies. I wanted to be in green fields with nature. Away from the city and people. Instead of living my dream of being in nature, I had been pulled into stuffy jobs in windowless offices, helping other more senior researchers with their projects and working as TA in first year Biology classes where the students usually just wanted the comparatively easy science credit before moving away from studying life. As though studying all the life and ecosystems on Earth wasn't exciting.

I wanted to know how the world worked. The real physical world. Not the concrete jungle of urban city life, not business or capitalism. I had wanted to focus on what was really important. Life, my mom and-

I felt my heart lurch and skip a beat as my breath caught in my throat. I had dreamed of doing everything with Aaron. All my dreams, all my plans had him by my side. He was working his way up the ranks at the local fire station, working as a mechanic in between being on call at the fire house to make extra money. We were going to work together, come up with better ways to manage and respond to threats of Forest fires. Our dream jobs and our interests working together. Side by side making the world better.

Fucking asshole. My broken heart turned to a furry and rage as the last time I saw him played in my mind again. I kicked a rock with a scream. Sending two rabbits skittering away and several birds to take flight. I felt my face flush crimson with embarrassment. I was acting like an idiot.

This is why I needed to get away. I couldn't stop oscillating between being devastated and burning hot rage. I needed some time to work through my shit before returning to real life. As it was right now, I had been truly worried that I would do or say something I couldn't take back. My emotions too wild and unpredictable for me to control them.

Making me even more angry about the root cause of my instability. The deep cutting edge of betrayal eating into my heart. Thoughts of revenge painting dark dreams in my head. I was better than that. I was a scholar. I whispered an apology to the animals I had disturbed with my outburst. Going back to gathering more wood, quietly. Thankful that at least no one but wild animals were around to see my latest breakdown.

The shame and embarrassment kept building. A memory of my last afternoon at the university before this trip. A student had caught me in a storage room, kicking a stack of bank boxes filled with files while I cursed and cried. All because Aaron still hadn't called or messaged. I had told him not to, screamed it in his face as I left. He wasn't supposed to listen to me.

My desperate heart had hoped he would fight to still have me in his life. That he had respected my screamed words to never call me again hurt. Be careful what you ask for because you might just get it. Echoing words my mother had said a million times in my life.  I vowed that when I finished this hike I would be done crying over that jerk.