Wild Avalon

5

Hilda

I took full control. I needed some time alone with my thoughts just as much as Avalon did. I did feel bad for Avalon. Having me as her beast wasn't easy, I never made anything easy. All I had been able to do in exchange for a turn at mortal life, was to be a constant protection for her. Even before she could hear me in her heart. I had been there. Growing with her. I had heard every insult, every slur hurled at her parents, at her. Always listening even while she slept. I knew much more than Avalon. It wasn't her that needed to get under control. It was me. My rage was spilling into her. I was making her dark and angry. After everything we had been through together, I was causing Avalon pain. I had to focus on her. Avalon needed me.

I was near feral. I hadn't made a formal claim for Aaron and his tiger, I had still considered them mine regardless. I had been rejected. It ached in a way I never wanted to know was possible. Animal's aren't meant to feel this pain. It had been me that took over Avalon in the moment. Me who raged at Aaron, screaming at him. Throwing things across the apartment. Avalon had been so hurt she didn't remember that she was a passenger for the fight. She only remembered what she had seen. Avalon's control had been the only reason my slap hadn't included claws that would have torn Aaron's face apart.

This was our second rejection. The first had been our father. He had loved Avalon, adored us before I had finally shifted free and was revealed. I was mostly feline, I still didn't understand any better than Avalon did how the man Avalon had lovingly called daddy her whole life, could reject what was clearly a hybrid of him and his deer mate. Or how he could have turned on Avalon and his mate so completely.

Avalon was a perfect blend of both her parents, Her father's, rich black hair with deep brown skin, her mother blonde and fair. Avalon was right in the middle with eyes the color chestnut leaves. Swirling depths of the forest reflected in her eye color. A beautiful blend of both her parents.

Just like I was a wonderful blend of their beasts. Wild cat and deer. The most beneficial features of each molded into one animal. My paws were extra strong with surplus joints. I could run swift like a deer, just as easily as I could climb a tree with my clawed paws. My ears and eyes were made to catch everything, every movement, every sound. My senses were next to none. I was all predator at heart; loving Avalon was the prey. 

I hated all the pain Avalon was feeling, I hated how I was complicating things for my loving girl with my anger. That she thought she was broken. I couldn't say I regretted everything, since it had led us here, to this moment. This was wild open land like I dreamed of. Like Avalon dreamed of. I wanted Avalon to be happy. I was glad she finally saw that the life she was building wasn't the one that would make her happy. Just because Aaron had been the first and only shifter aside from her mother to be kind to her, didn't make him mate worthy.

I also understood why our mother couldn't make her mind up if Avalon should move on, or try and get back with Aaron. For all his flaws, at least Aaron hadn't ever wanted to hurt Avalon for what we were. The real reason Betsy, mom, Avalon's mom  wanted Avalon to try and get back together with Aaron, was his new proximity to the Blue Willow pack. His mate's family had been there for generations. If Avalon was in a relationship with one of their pack members, she would almost surely be safe. Protected.

If Avalon dated someone new. If more people learned what we were. Any sense of safety would vanish. We were special.

I could feel Avalon. She was dreaming. A new dream, a pleasant one. Good. She had worked hard to get us to the top of the hill. All by herself, just like she had wanted. I had even reserved some of the strength she gained from me. She wanted to feel challenged, to feel successful when she had done it. I could at least ensure she had that win.

I remembered I was supposed to let her pitch the tent before I went hunting. Too late for that. I had scented a game trail not far from here. Time to hunt!

Avalon

The long twilight period of the evening had already started when Hilda relinquished control, I shifted back to see my shredded linen shorts and the shirt I had come to love in tatters on the ground. Along with one of two bras I had packed. "I liked that shirt, and we only have three changes of clothes for this entire hike." I told a remorseless Hilda.

'Then you still have two. No problem. Enjoy our dinner.' Three rabbits were laid in a rather neat line for Hilda next to the pack that had dropped to the ground when we abruptly shifted.

"Thanks." I said as she started purring in my head. Two of the rabbits were in shreds. Hilda had played a little too much with her food. One was still mostly intact. I cleaned all the rabbits. Prepping the whole one to arrange and truss on a makeshift spit to roast over the fire as quick and evenly as I could. The shredded rabbits, I cleaned as well as I could, taking the meat and rinsing it downstream from my camp. I used the hunting knife to separate the meat into long strips, hanging them in the smoke at a good height about the fire. So I could dehydrate and smoke the strips of meat into something close to a jerky. At least that was my hope.

I enjoyed my meal of fire roasted rabbit and foraged apples and berries even more than I had the fish. Leaving the strips of meat to continue to smoke over the coals even as I went to bed. When I woke in the morning, I checked the jerky. It was a little chewy in some spots. It wasn't perfect, but it was edible, the effort had been worth it. Especially to get some real protein snacks throughout the day instead of trusting that a good dinner would come.

Breakfast was robust. Rabbit jerky, oatmeal and berries and tea. It seemed nearly decadent considering my surroundings. Again after breakfast, while the kettle cooled enough to pack up again. I tried to meditate. It was easier this time.

Instead on focusing on the past. I looked to my new future. My heart still ached. I wasn't ok yet. I was getting there. I had some new ideas for how I wanted my life to be. I had something forward looking to focus on again. It was a start. A beginning is always so much better than an ending.