Montana.
I felt light headed
I felt like I was dreaming.
You'd swear that God was just holding a list that was titled "worst things that I can do to a human" and was just writing my name beside each one.
"Montana" I finally heard Luke as he wiped my face with a cold rag.
"Yeah?" I spoke back to him, feeling a blood pressure cup on my arm inflating, a pulse monitor on my finger.
"You were nonresponsive, are you okay?" He asked me quietly, Noah watching with pure nervousness in the back.
"Sorry- I just- I needed to think." I mumbled to him, seeing him unsurely nod.
"Where is she?" I asked, looking to Noah.
"She is on life support at the local hospital at home." Luke and I made eye contact.
"I say that we leave her on life support for a few months, they determined that she didn't have any brain function, but maybe something will happen" Noah spoke, rubbing his face.
She overdosed on four different drugs.
She was brain dead.
Luke had already told me that doctors don't ever say that a patient is brain dead unless they have no chance at coming back.
"No" I spoke, feeling a tear fall down my cheek.
I thought back to the times I could remember with my mother.
All the boyfriend she would bring into the house.
All the times she would send me to school without lunch because she spent her money on her addiction.
All the times she took medicine that was prescribed to me.
It was always her addiction, it was never me.
From the minute she found out that she was pregnant with me, I still wasn't a priority. I came out of her womb half dead and cried in the NICU for months because I was addicted to a drug that a baby should've never came into contact with.
Was I a bad person for not wanting my mother, who was more than aware of what this addiction would do to her, to have a few months extra?
"What do you mean no, maybe if we give her a few months, we will get a miracle- don't underestimate God, Montana." Noah tried to preach to me.
"Her lungs" I cleared my throat, staring to Luke.
Luke's eyes immediately widened.
"I'll go make some calls to see if she's eligible to donate to Austin" he left without another word.
"No montana." Noah's voice spoke, his back turned towards me.
"You can not kill your mother to get your boyfriend lungs!" He yelled at me.
"I'm not killing my mother, my mother killed herself." I spoke firmly.
"Montana!" he was full blown screaming at this point
"She is your mother! And you are going to let her die!" He yelled to me.
I stared to him.
"And for what? For your boyfriend to live? A boyfriend that you probably won't even like in a year-" "shut up" I interrupted him, but he didn't stop.
"You are a kid, you are not mentally capable of making this decision-" "Noah." I spoke firmly.
"My mother has been on drugs since before I was even born." I spoke firmly.
"I was born addicted to drugs, I begged her for years to get clean, to be in my life, to make a better life for herself." I felt myself start crying at my words.
"And I know you love her, I know you do" I cried.
"But she will never love anyone, not you or me- as much as she loves drugs." I cried out.
"And regardless of how much you pray and beg God, she is dead." I sobbed.
"A machine is the only thing keeping her heart pumping." I spoke, seeing him start crying.
"And regardless if Austin can get her organs or not, she will be an organ donor, because just her body can save so many people if her organs are good." I cried to him.
"So I am sorry, but- I have made my decision." I spoke.
I turned to leave the room, hearing him speak again
"Montana, I don't think I can ever forgive you for this, if you go through with it." I felt more tears fall as he said those words.
"That's okay." I exhaled slowly.
"Because I don't think I could forgive myself for letting someone who is already dead sit on a machine for months, while other people, who could be saved- die."
I left the room.
I walked into the ICU, where Austin was being held, seeing Harry hugging his mom, the two of them both crying.
"Montana" Harry spoke, wiping his tears as he looked to me, his mom immediately turning to look to me.
I saw Luke, who held papers- his eyes looking directly at me.
"She's a match for Austin, they're transporting her here now." Luke told me.
I broke down crying
I felt Austin's mom grab me, hugging me tightly as I immediately held her back.
"Thank you." She exhaled into me.
"Thank you so fucking much."
