Beyond

Forgive

Lance couldn't even describe the guilt he was feeling.

But every time he tried to move in a way that would signify getting up, pain.

Unfiltered and sharp pain would spike through him like he was being stabbed all over again. 

Blue hopped onto the bed next to him tucking herself under his arm to rest against his chest. She purred softly and Lance could feel her guilt too.

"It's alright." He whispered brushing her fur. "Wasn't your fault."

He had tried to sleep it off, but that was difficult since his dreams kept taking him back to the days when his world fell apart.

The days his friends all...

When his home...

When he...

His phone buzzed and played it's tune and Lance knew who it would be.

With a wince he reached for the phone and swiped it open.

"Where are you?" Gwen asked firmly. "You were meant to be here."

"I know." Lance whispered.

"Are you avoiding me and miles, is it because of what we told you? Are you upset? I don't want you to be scared of us or anything."

Lance gave a weak laugh. "I'm not avoiding you, if I was I wouldn't have answered the phone."

"Right... I didn't think of that. Mr Lee said you weren't feeling well." Gwen continued. "You sound okay."

"Yeah." Lance sighed patting Blue's head. "Couldn't get out of bed."

"Oh?"

"I want to tell you." Lance explained his grip on the phone tightening. "But... It still hurts."

"What hurts?"

He let out a shaking breath. "Please don't hate me." He hung up before he could really process he had done it.

Blue gave a soft pur and pressed her nose against his cheek.

"I'm sorry." He whispered rolling over. "I'll get better I promise."

He stirred when someone brushed their hand through his hair.

His eyes weakly opened, they were sticky due to his crying and they were slightly blurred but he was able to make out that it was Steve.

"Hey buddy." Steve said gently. "You up for some food?"

Lance let his eyes dance towards the clock noticing that it was nearly lunch time.

"Not really." He mumbled. "But I know I should."

Steve nodded. "That's okay, I was just checking in."

Lance nodded slowly as he blinked his eyes clear. "Sorry about this."

"You don't need to apologize." Steve promised. "Do you want to come to the lounge? Or you can stay here if you want."

Lance frowned and thought for a moment. He could probably better ease their concerns if he wasn't cooped up in his room.

"Lounge." Lance mumbled slowly pushing himself up.

Steve hovered next to him anxiously and Lance didn't want to worry him. It wasn't fair to worry him.

Steve however seemed quite happy to help him out, it was strange but his presence was oddly comforting when you're in pain.

"You sure you're okay to walk?" Steve asked with a frown.

Lance nodded determinedly. "Yeah, yeah I'll be alright."

"You don't have to be okay, you know that right?"

Lance didn't reply, he was the last paladin, he had to be okay, people were relying on him. Or they were, before...

Lance sucked in a sharp breath, yep that hurt.

"Lance-"

"I'm good." Lance cut in trying assure himself as he got to his feet.

Steve however didn't seem convinced. "Let me help you."

"I'm okay."

"But you're not Lance." Steve said catching his arm. "You need help and that's okay."

Lance let out a heavy sigh leaning into Steve's side. "I'm sorry, I just... I'm tired of this and I want to... I don't want to hurt any more."

"It will fade." Steve assured. "You just have to be patient."

"I'm not very good at that." Lance admitted. "At least not with myself anyway."

Steve chuckled. "Come on, let's get you moving."

Lance let Steve help him to his feet, then they made their way to the lounge at a pace that was probably a bit too slow.

But Steve seemed dead set on taking his time and Lance was told tired to argue.

"What are you going to do with your day off school?" He asked curiously.

"Sleep." Lance offered making Steve chuckle. "What? I like sleep okay?"

"It's good, you should." Steve said shaking his head. "I just thought you would think of something slightly more creative."

"I'm too tired to even think about that." Lance sighed. "Shiro would be on the training deck by now, Keith would have finished and would probably be practicing maneuvers over the castle, Allura and Coran never sleep. Nor does Pidge actually and Hunk would probably be with me making lunch, or we'd be trying to map out the castle."

Steve had stopped walking.

"I know they're gone." Lance whispered looking at his feet. "Sometimes I like to imagine that they're okay and that... That I'm just away and that... Soon I'll see them again."

A warm hand rested on his shoulder.

"Do you think it's possible to out run it all?" Lance asked glancing his way, he was on the verge of crying and he was desperately trying to hold onto to anything that might stop himself from crying. "Does distance help?"

"Not always." Steve frowned. "My best friend fell from a train in Germany, it still hurts, even now."

Lance nodded. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Loss changes you, just make sure it changes you for the better." Steve said with a small smile. "Okay?"

Lance smiled back drying his eyes. "Yeah, deal."