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Chapter Nine:

Houston, Texas
May 17th
Beyoncé Giselle Knowles

"My therapist told me I should just focus on me, do things and act as a single unit, because that's what I am."

Talia nodded her head, assessing the information that I was bombarding her with. We saw the situation differently. She was the naïve young girl that I used to be, and I had grown. But she also didn't know Onika. I did. I still liked to have Talia's opinion.

"Do you think Onika's gonna chase you for however long you decide to do this?"

"Well I'm not shutting her out. We're talking, evaluating, and assessing every damn thing whenever I find myself wanting to. She doesn't disagree. If she does decide not to do what she's supposed to because she messed up, I see where her heart lies."

"So you believe in forgiveness?"

"I believe in second chances for the remorseful. If she crumbles under this pressure and bows out, we won't be together again. That just means she's not remorseful."

"And those are hard rules?"

"Harder than me getting out of here after ten damn years."

The two of us laughed together, finished up that conversation, and I left. I put in another request to see her in the next two days.

Coming here to see Talia had to be one of the best things for me. I saw myself in that bubbly yet aggressive child. She was fighting between who she wanted to be, who she was forced to be, and who she was. She was just trying not to go crazy in this environment.

My phone rang when I got to the car, Ivory calling with her bookends beside her. I answered and set the phone so she could see me while I drove.

"Mama where you at? Why didn't you answer the first two times? What were you doing?" She looked around my background, Cetiri and Kiyomi right behind, playing into her antics.

"I thought I was the parent. What happened?"

She smiled at me, dimples sinking deep into her face.

"You look like your mother."

"Don't bring her up. We are not cool right now."

"Why? What you do?"

"Nothing! I'm on your side Mama!"

"Me too Mama!" Cetiri yelled.

"Me three Auntie," Kiki said calmly.

Like I said, they weren't stupid. There was a disturbance in their home and they knew. They knew their parents weren't sleeping in the same bed, knew that we weren't having the best situation right now. We'd told them, tried our best to be as transparent with them as possible.

"There are no sides because regardless all of you still have to listen to her."

They groaned but they didn't disagree. They better listen to her. I thought of all the nights that I dreamed they wouldn't listen to me because I hadn't been there. It was a different pain when your own children won't listen to you, worse when they knew you made it this wat, so even though Onika was fucked up and selfish and a liar, she was the mother to my children. She gave my children life even when the chances of doing so weren't looking pretty, and for that I would always be in debt to her.

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