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Chapter Ten: Stranger in my Eyes

Houston, Texas
June 1st
Onika Tanya Maraj

"I think you should see my therapist," Were the first words to come from Beyoncé's mouth when she was comfortable in her chair.

We spent more time in the den now, talking, and drinking. She had picked up that habit, because it wasn't there before. A lot of things weren't there before, but were here now.

Like this damn therapist.

"A prison therapist? Girl you must be crazy."

"She practices outside of the prison as well."

"A therapist in general."

She sat her drink down, "She's helping me with this. She wants me to be so upfront with you that it hurts the both of us, and I have. If you can't handle it, you'd tell me, right?"

"I'd leave you," I told her, became so brutally honest that it hurt, like her therapist was apparently telling her.

I couldn't control what she believed, but sugarcoating it wasn't going to help me. She wanted brutal honesty so I was giving it to her.

"Can I ask you a question?" Her eyes were on the mahogany walls.

"You just did."

"Another."

"Go ahead."

"If nothing sexual happened between the two of you, what made you go so hard for her?"

I debated, but went with the truth. "She reminded me of you. At some points I couldn't tell the two of you apart. The way she was helping with the girls and being there to talk to me when I needed it, she reminded me of us before you... you know."

"Before I went to prison. You can say it. It's fine."

"Yeah."

"So it was an emotional infidelity, at first."

It hurt my guilty heart to be going over my wrongdoings all over again. Every time we talked about it, she asked a different question from a different angle.

"We were friends," I said, "She was there for me when it was hard missing you. I just needed somebody to talk to that wasn't in this community."

"She was my proxy."

I nodded my head. I tried to recreate, tried to turn Noir into Beyoncé because I had to wait a decade to get mine back.

"What was the fight about?"

"Huh?"

Her smile grew slowly, "Don't start lying to me now. We're just getting good. What were y'all arguing about at your open house?"

"She threatened to tell you that we were in an entire relationship. She wanted you to leave me so that her and I could be together."

"And you continued to be friends with her? Felt her up right after that too."

"It was guilt. I was vulnerable. And I had to wait until I could see your face."

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