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Chapter Fifteen: Hit... Man.

Houston, Texas
June 22nd
Onika Tanya Maraj

"Isn't that a crime?"

Finally able to sit in front of Ms. Nash again made me feel sane. I had dogged her plenty before seeing her, but she seemed to understand me in a way that I didn't think she could because well, she didn't know me. She was just a woman with a few degrees, before. But now, I looked at her like another mother figure. One that though I couldn't hug, I felt like I was wrapped in a metaphorical one whenever we spoke.

I kept ranting, "I just don't understand. It feels like the last ten years of my life have been a lie. And now he's talking about he wants his daughter back when he literally gave up his rights to her before she was even one. He couldn't even get to court to fight for fake custody that he can't get because he's technically dead. That's a crime, isn't it?"

"Well not technically, but things he had to do to get to that 'dead' point could potentially be illegal, yes."

"Like what?" I asked, leaning forward, fishing for all information possible.

She grinned, "Onika I will not be in the middle of this new case. I will not be a witness on that stand."

I sighed and sat back against the couch. I stared up at the ceiling, talking more to myself. "He gave her up before she was even a year old, said he knew that Beyoncé and I were what's good for her. We cried together. I even got in trouble with Beyoncé behind that meeting with him. I thought we had squashed everything. But obviously it's always been about what Beyoncé does that he can't. Some odd comparison and pride and dumb shit like that."

"Sounds like jealousy and obsession."

"He framed her for murder and there's nothing we can do about it. Ever since he told us, Beyonce drinks like crazy when she thinks about it. She's not over it, and I don't expect her to be. He just... He came at the worst possible time. We were just getting good."

"Really?"

I nodded, still looking up at the ceiling, "She said she wasn't leaving me, I mean as long as I do everything that I have been doing. She wants me to feel guilty. Do you think that's selfish?"

"I don't speak on my other clients to my other clients. Especially to their partners."

I sighed. My feelings began to overflow and tears filled my eyes.

"There's just way too much going on, still. I thought we were gonna be alright. I thought we could finally work on us and be happy doing it. We were working on getting me pregnant, and I haven't been to the doctor yet because I'm afraid. Don't wanna go there and they tell me I'm not. It's too much."

"I can't say that a child right now would be good for the two of you."

"I don't think you see pregnancy and motherhood the way Beyoncé does. She's a feign for it, would get me pregnant over and over if I let her. I think she'll fall into my lap if I'm pregnant and that's all I want. All I want is my woman with no more complications. I can handle Beyoncé and I's issues, but this? This is too much. And what do I tell Ivory? This is bigger than just me."

It was quiet before she said, "This is what I got from all that. You feel like you're stuck in an unmovable position because technically Eric is dead, and his actions are ruining all the progress you guys were making."

"Yes! We were okay before he showed his ass up. He keeps trying to pressure me to tell Ivory that he's her father but that shit's not going to happen. I don't owe him a damn thing. He left, not me. I can let my daughter see whoever I want. He's not one of them. My daughter's good, been good since she was born. I refuse to let someone that wishy-washy into her life. Father or not."

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