Basically, I Hate You

FORTY-ONE

Everything was tainted by the memory of a hundred eyes on me, squealing, pointing and admonishing me as they partook in my intimate moment. As if I'd wanted them to see. I knew that some of the women's distaste for me in the pack would know no end as they hypothesized about the scandalous Luna sleeping around with the Beta behind the Alpha's back and what possible motivations she might have for such an egregious indiscretion. As my mind tormented me with harsh memories of my life as a social pariah in Montana and the promise that my legacy was soon to follow here as well, I clung to the lifeline that was Wren in my mind. I knew that I needed to see him.

Now.

When the elevator came, the thick tension in the small lift reminded me just how sour the air felt. Clearly, nothing had been resolved in that office, only ignited.

"Guys, I'm going to go and find Wren. I'll catch up with you later." I spoke as we exited the elevator onto the ground floor.

Drue's sad smile did nothing to stop my heart from breaking even more for what the day should've been, or maybe it was breaking for what we should've been able to have. I couldn't stop myself from wondering if it had been cruel to take this piece of heaven for myself, in spite of already being "blessed" with a mate.

I mean, that one's debatable at best.

Lochland spoke up as I began to walk away to stop me as I set off in the direction of the pack hospital. Although I didn't want to face Rhett or Anya-if Wren was who I knew him to be- that's exactly where he'd be, at Rhett's side.

"We need to talk." Lochland said when I'd nearly reached the door, but I ignored him.

Although his lofty volume had indicated he was speaking to me, I didn't want the lecture I could feel was coming. He hadn't defended Drue or I in Kohl's office because I knew after his less than subtle warnings he didn't find our behavior defensible. Although we may have a largely unexplored new bond, it wouldn't keep Lochland from sharing his thoughts with anyone, me included.

As I left the building, crisp fall air flooded my senses, momentarily cleansing my mind. I ambled in the direction of the hospital lazily, although I wanted Wren's sense of comfort and advice I wasn't quite as ready for the inevitable shock and awe and probable judgment from both him and Rhett.

Yet, I was infinitely more ready for that than I was for Lochland's consciousness to slam so forcefully into mine that I was knocked right onto my ass, literally. Before I could grasp it logically, the outside scenery of the packlands I had been walking had been ripped away and I was suddenly back in the living room where I could see Drue standing in front of me.

Impossible.

Although I could see Drue, as I began to hear him speaking, I could tell I was only experiencing what was happening in the living room and not physically there. It was completely disorienting. And then it made sense, Lochland was allowing-no forcing-me to hear their conversation through his mind's eye.

"I'm gonna go clean up." Drue said to Lochland while wiping his face with his shirt to look for blood.

"What do you mean you're not sorry to anyone but the pack?" Lochland interrupted abruptly.

Drue's shirt dropped as he looked at Lochland perplexed, clearly confused as to where the question, and tone came from. Before he spoke, Drue let out a long melancholy sigh, relaxing his shoulders as he did.

"I know I fucked up. But you don't understand, Loch, I can't stay away from her. I can't stop thinking about her, or wanting to be near her, and whenever Kohl hurts her I swear to God my wolf sees red. It's been hard as fuck keeping it friendly with him lately."