The Void [JJKxOC] AU

Chapter Thirty-Six : Fix Me

"Tell me about your experience in the rage room." The curtains were drawn back today to illuminate the room. Jungkook didn't know if that made him feel calmer being here this time. He realized that everything in the room had its place, which was in complete contrast to what his home looked like.

"It was," Jungkook scratched his head. "Eye-opening?"

"It usually is." Dr. Shin smiled. "How was it eye-opening for you?"

"I don't know. There was a brief moment of clarity in the middle of all the chaos. I looked around and saw the damage I'd done. Me. What I did to everyone around me and how I had hurt them. They hurt me too, but they did it because of what I had done."

"Why do you think you've damaged so many relationships around you?"

This question saddened Jungkook. He wished he had an answer to why he had become this shell of a man that hurt everyone he cared about, but he didn't. "I'm not sure. I can't say. I just know I love them and didn't mean to hurt them."

"Did your drinking play a part in the demise of those relationships?"

Oh, they were back to that again. Jungkook swore they had already had this conversation on his first visit.

"Yes. I told you that already." He didn't mean to snap, but it was a sensitive subject.

"Did you drink this morning, Jungkook?"

"No, but you're making me wish I had." He crossed his arms in front of his chest and turned his eyes away from the judgmental man sitting before him. Instead, he stared out the window at the blue sky and towering city buildings.

"Last night?"

"A little."

"Would you consider yourself an alcoholic?"

Jungkook laughed and looked at Dr. Shin. "An alcoholic?! Of course not. I told you I stopped before."

"Why did you stop?"

"Because I had Raine then."

"Your ex?"

Jungkook hated the way that sounded. She was more than that, but still, he nodded.

"She asked you to stop?"

"No, she just made me better. When she was around, everything was better. The sky was a little bluer. The sun was a little brighter. You know?"

His doctor nodded. "Alcohol did that for you at some point, right?"

Jungkook took a moment to respond, trying to figure out if Dr. Shin was baiting him again. "I guess."

Dr. Shin jotted something down on that damned yellow notepad. "So then, would you say you have an emotional dependency issue?" Jungkook waited for him to elaborate. "When you experience distress, do you look to alcohol or Raine immediately before trying to manage your emotions yourself? Do they help you with the anxiety and emptiness you feel? You idealize them, believe you can't find happiness without them?"