The Void [JJKxOC] AU

Chapter Thirty Seven: Amends

How many times could a heart break?

Raine wondered from her curled-up position in bed. It was the same place she'd been glued to for the past week.

Could the number of times her heart had shattered lately actually harm its function? Because every one of its beats was cruel and agonizing now. Knowing that it was only keeping blood pumping into her body so she could continue to hurt felt meaningless. Raine wanted to go to sleep tonight and not wake up until her broken heart was mended. Not that she thought that would ever happen. When she stepped out of Jungkooks apartment that day, she left a chunk of her heart there. Right on that kitchen floor. If she thought she was in pain when they broke up, losing all hope of a future with him destroyed her.

What was she supposed to do now that she was sure there was no hope and was smart enough to know that when Jungkook found himself, he'd find that he never really loved her either? She wanted him to get better because she had met him in his demise and had gotten glimpses of the man he could be. Then, she experienced Jungkooks destruction firsthand. But even in his destructive state, he was still adamant about his feelings for her. Jungkook seemed like he would chase her to the ends of the world, but now he refused to. Raine knew that if he made that decision, then he wouldn't be turning back.

And here she thought Daehyun was their biggest obstacle. She swore that once she put him in his place, she and Jungkook could move forward in a perfect relationship. Daehyun was the least of their worries. Sure, he was a nuisance, but Jungkook and Raine would've had the same outcome with or without him. They had jumped too high, too fast, without anything to cushion a potential fall, and boy, did they fall.

Jungkook was engraved into her very being. He was her first thought in the morning and her last at night, and to know that he wasn't even sure if he loved her, to begin with, was terrifying. She wanted to hold onto the hope that he would help himself and, in the end, realize that he actually did love her, but her love life had never been that simple.

All her relationships, tracing back to high school, were failures. She was always dumped, consistently used, and never enough. Maybe it was her. Perhaps it wasn't Jungkook, Daehyun, or Yejun in the eleventh grade who coaxed her into losing her virginity in the back of his mom's Toyota Prius. They hadn't forced her to fall for their pretty words and baseless promises. She chose to do that.

Every. Single. Time.

Breakups were usually followed by days of being like this, curled up on her side in bed. You could find her under the covers, drowning her sorrows in the heartbreaking sounds of Billie Eilish and Finneas. That melancholic sibling duo and a pint of Rocky Road would usually get her through her most challenging days. She could watch her favorite show to take her mind off things, but she couldn't even do that now because it had become their favorite show. Now, it would just remind her of days spent with Jungkook on the couch, laughing together at the idiocracies of the Troy and Abed.

So instead, she just laid there, wrapped in her blanket, with a persistent pain in her chest and tears she didn't even realize she was shedding anymore on a constant run, like a leaky faucet. No matter how tightly you turned the keys or willed them to stop, the water ran in an infinite drip.

There was a knock on her bedroom door before Nari poked her head in. "Hi," she said softly. Raine gave her a weak greeting, which Nari took as permission to enter. In her hands was a plate with two slices of buttered toast. She had tried to get Raine to eat the entire week, but if she didn't wholly decline, she would only take a bite or two before putting it aside. "I know you're going to say you're not hungry, but you've got to eat something." She held the plate in front of Raine's face until she had no choice but to sit up and take it even if she wasn't hungry.