You Are My Life

Can We At Least Be Friends

I paced my home back and forth, still contemplating this phone call. I was so nervous. Michael and I have know each other for over 10 years and it's still difficult to talk to him. I dial his number, my heart racing. "Hello?" I inhale sharply as his soft voice flows through my ears. "Hello?" He repeats. "Michael..." I say softly. I try my best to find words for him, I could tell my voice affected him the same way. "Jayla... Hi." I sigh deeply. I missed his voice so much. I couldn't gather my thoughts to speak. "You got my note?" He asks in a hopeful tone. "Yeah. How are you?" I manage to ask. "I am so much better now that you called." He sighs. "I thought you wouldn't." He adds. I remain silent. "Jayla. I would really love to see you. I mean - if you can come and meet Prince... It'd mean a lot to me." "Uh. Yeah I can come right now." I respond. "If that's ok.." I add in. "It's fine. Please come today." He says. "I'll see you in a few?" He ask, once again in that hopeful tone. "I'll be there soon." I assure him.

My driver pulls into neverland, and I can barely take the sight of it. The last time I was here I was packing my things to leave. I try to clear my mind of the memory. Passing by certain spots of neverland made me think of all the times we shared here. I look to my left to see the tree we laid under almost all night, staring at the stars. I smiled at the flashback. I could practically see us laying there again. I instantly wonder, did he ever take Debbie there? We stop in front of Michael's home and my heart begins racing again. I take a deep breath and open the car door. I fix my ponytail a little and make sure my sundress was right then knocked on the door.

"I can do this, I can do this." I chant to myself as I wait for an answer, my stomach in knots. He opened the door, I see one of the fedoras I bought him for Christmas sitting atop his curls which flowed over his shoulders down to the top of his white T-shirt. A gold chain lined his neck beautifully. I look at his lips and watch as he formed the words "God, it's so good to see you." I see his eyes scan me from head to toe, as he bites his lower lip. "Come on in." He gives me a sweet smile. I look in his eyes and feel his stare intensify as I walked inside. I give him a hug and it was like a shock went through my body. His scent went through my nose and captured my attention. I felt like everything was normal. I could feel his arms tighten around me and pull me closer to him. "I missed you so much." he whispered. "I missed you too." I whisper back wrapping my arm around his neck. We pull apart slowly, looking into each other's eyes. I can feel the both of us leaning in towards a kiss. I close my eyes, anticipating his lips. We both turn as we hear a baby voice in the hallway crawling his way towards us. Michael clears his throat and we slowly release each other's embrace. Michael walks over to his son and picks him up. It dawns on me that this was his child, this was his family. I look down twiddling my thumbs. This was a lot to take in. I felt the tears form and the lump in my throat began to swell up. "Is this your son?" I ask slightly choked up. I swallow hard, trying to consume the tears trying to come out. "This is your godson. Prince Michael Jackson Jr." He smiles, wiping my tears. "Jay please don't cry." I laugh through my sadness. "I'm so stupid. He's beautiful. Can I hold him?" I wipe my eyes and reach out for him. His face was so beautiful. He had his father's beautiful brown eyes. We walk over to the couch and I sit with him in my arms. Michael sits next to me, as I sit Prince upward and hold his back. "As we were driving down here..." I start off. "I passed that tree where you and I used to hang out." I smile. "You should take him out there it's a great place to sit and think. Maybe when he gets older." I giggle. "No. That place is special." He looks at me smiling. "Only one person has that spot." I giggle. Prince sat on my lap making baby noises and giggling. I've got to admit, the kid's got a slight hold on me... Just like his dad. Michael called in for his nanny Grace to come and take Prince so Michael and I could talk.

We walk outside around Neverland and sit under the tree. "So how have you been?" Michael says leaning on his back, supporting himself with his elbows. I sit and cross my legs. "I've been okay, Michael." I turn and smile at him. "Just okay?" He asks, looking up at me. I laugh a little. "Yeah just okay. How about you?" I ask back. "Honestly, I'm happy. But not as happy as I could be." I nod. "Why?" I ask. "I haven't been the same since we broke up. It's something I don't think I'll ever get over." He looks at the sky. I sigh because I feel the same way. "Do you love her?" I ask. "Do you love him? He asks back. I sigh. "I do. He's really nice. He's sweet. He just... He doesn't pay attention like you did. I noticed that yesterday. That's what made me call you today." I look back over at him. "You never answered my question." I nudge him. "Do you?" He throws his head back. "Debbie...she caught me a really bad place in my life. She kind of kept my spirits up. We divorced and she was still there. Things happened and I married her." "But do you love her?" Michael hesitated to answer. "As a friend. I care for her. She has my child. But that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted my child with you." I put my head down. Michael sits up and wraps an arm around me. "Jay I can't say enough how sorry I am for how I hurt you. You really have to know that. My love for you is for all time." "I love you Mike, I do. I just wish I could've given you a child. Who know's where we'd be right now?" I whimper. He lifts my head with his hand and pulls my face to look at him. "I'm not blaming you for what happened to our son. Ok?" I nod my head as he wipes my tears with his thumbs. "Stop crying. You're too beautiful to cry." He kisses my forehead. I hope now that we've finally talked about this in full, we can at least be friends again. I missed him so much and we both needed this to heal.