You Are My Life

Its Not Fair

I exhale deeply, stretching my arms outward and bending straight down into my knees. "My, my , my fiancé... I had no clue you were so limber..." Brian flirts, tilting his head. I giggle and continue stretching, closing my eyes. "Preparing for the honeymoon already?" He chuckles. "Just doing some yoga. Cleansing my spirit...something you should do..nasty." I laugh, patting his chest. Brian follows me into the kitchen as I grab a glass of water. Pushing himself up against my back, his lips meet my neck. I bump him back and turn around. "Nuh-uh. No sex until after the wedding." I smirk. "What? But that's in the next 4 months." He whines. "Well, you better start working out more like me." I smile back. "It's gonna be so hard! Literally!" He pouts, gesturing to his crotch. "It's either the 'manshake' or work out. But none of this.." I say gesturing to mine. "...until January of 2006." Brian sighs heavily and walks out of the kitchen. I laugh at his childishness and check my phone. Still nothing. After that event between Michael and I, a couple months ago, we haven't kept in contact that much. But now he's all out disappeared. I went to his home and his housekeeper said he left, but she had no clue where. There are no recent pictures of him anywhere in the tabloids, I'm starting to think he left the country. Why would he do that without telling me? I stood there stuck in thought, my mind racing. I had a lot to do and didn't have time to worry about Michael... But I was worried. After my stretch and shower, I ran out to my stylists to get my dress, she had finished the final touches and I was so excited to see it.

Blanca opens the door with a wide grin on her face "Jayla, you're gonna love it..come in! Come in!" I clap with excitement as I walk inside, and there it was. My white lace laid over a breezy white fabric, cut into a ball gown, A-line, dress. My quarter length sleeves were coated with diamonds and my head piece trailed down the back of my dress with diamonds dripping off. "Blanca this is amazingly gorgeous!" I smile, my eyes wide. "I knew you'd love it, doll." She smiles. "Let me get you something to carry it in." she says walking into the next room. I walk around her studio, still very amazed at the design of the dress. I hear my phone ring and look at the ID seeing a 14 digit phone number, clearly not from the states. I scrunch my face and hesitate to answer. "Hello?" "Jayla, it's Michael." "Michael... what the hell number is this?? And where are you!?" I whisper into the phone. "I'm in Dubai, it's a landline number" he says. "I had to leave the states. My mind was going crazy being there." "You didn't think to tell me?" I scoff. "I haven't told anyone.." He murmurs. "I'm not just anyone Michael. You can't just leave me like that. Especially after..." "Oh yeah, that. Look let's not talk about it. I just want to get my mind back in order." He says quietly. "Are you coming back?" I ask in a slightly hopeful tone. "I don't know yet..maybe." He sighs. I shake my head as Blanca walks out with my dress, bagged and ready. "Hear you go Jayla. I know you'll look magnificent in your gown. I know Brian will want to tear it off of you" she giggles. "Uh...did I call at a bad time?" Michael says uncomfortably. "Thank you Blanca." I smile warmly, laying the bag over my arm. "Blanca? Are you picking up your dress?" He scoffs. "I'll call you later Jayla." "Michael don't be like tha-" I whine, as he hangs up. I can't believe him. I roll my eyes at my irritation. I have other things to worry about other than Michael and his damn attitude. "'I'll get over it' my ass." I mumble to myself.

After picking up my dress and grabbing a dress for Angel, I enter my home and flop on my couch tossing everything next to me. No matter how hard I try I can't get Michael out of my head, but I was more angry than anything. I pull out my cellphone and look at the number he called from, mentally contemplating a phone call to give him a piece of my mind. I decide to text his cell that way I don't have to hear his voice.

"I understand you're upset with my decision, and I would hope you could at least be my friend, and care a little more about my feelings. You and I have gone through a lot and you told me that you'd deal with this somehow. But, if cutting me off and hanging up on me is you dealing with it, I don't want any part of it. At the end of the day this hurts me too. I care for you and you know I do. I don't like how you've been treating me. You either love me or hate me. I can't please everyone Michael. This isn't fair."

I reread the text about seven times before finally hitting send. He can't keep treating me like this, and I refuse to keep allowing it. I toss my phone to the side along with the rest of my things and see my baby girl come down the stairs. She really is the light at the end of my tunnel. I smile and greet her with open arms holding her tightly. "Guess what mommy got you?," I exclaim, pulling out her brand new dress. Her eyes light up at the sight of it. "It's so pretty mommy!" she exclaims, hugging the dress. She grabs it and runs to Brian screaming through the house. I smile watching her, as Brian walks out with the dress in hand. "I'm guessing you got your dress too?" He smiles, reaching for the bag. I gasp. "No. You can't see it!" I say popping his hand. I grab the bag and put it in the closet. "The groom is not supposed to see the dress at all until the wedding." I smirk. I grab the rest of my things off the couch and feel my phone vibrate in my hand. It's a text from Michael.

"I can't believe this, you've pulled me back and forth with you for years. You've left me twice because you had to 'find yourself'. I didn't ask for these feelings for you, they just seemed to happen. Yes, I did say I'd get over it. But you have to understand that a heartache like this takes time to heal. I can't pretend like everything is okay. I love you Jayla and I can't tell you that enough. I don't know why you can't get it through your head. What's not fair is me sitting here, watching the love of my life marry someone else. It's not that I don't want to be friends with you.. It's just hard. But please know, I'm working on it and I'm trying."

I sigh, stuffing my cell into my back pocket. I was so frustrated with him. I honestly couldn't wait for this wedding to be over with, just so Michael and I could stop bickering. I've always been the one to show my emotions on my face, which is why everyone says I can't lie. So of course, after one look at me Brian asks, "Everything ok? What are you thinking about?" He says putting a hand on my shoulder. "I'm... Just nervous. It's a lot of planning to do and not a lot of time. You know?" I lie. He gives me a warm, smile and leans his cheek into mine. "Baby, don't be nervous. We're finally doing this. I'm excited. You should be too. Everything will be alright..." He smooches my cheek. "I promise." I fake a smile and nod.

The next day I arrive at Sasha's office to talk about my schedule and the next set of events I'll be attending. I sit on the couch beside Sasha's desk watching her grab paper after paper. "Sorry about the mess. It's hard to keep things clean when you work for the 'Queen of Pop.'" She giggles awkwardly. This was my first time at her office, so I'm sure she was pretty nervous. "It's fine Sasha." I smile back, though still trapped in thoughts of my own. Once Sasha gets settled she sits in her leather office chair reading out random award show appearances, charity events, and ceremonies. I nod as I boringly listened. After we had gotten business out of the way, I knew Sasha was going to ask me about Michael. "So..." She began, sitting back in her chair interlocking her fingers. Sasha had become my confidant for the past 16 years of her being my assistant. I lean my head back on the pillow behind me and sigh. "Have you talked to him?" She asked lifting her eyebrows. "Yeah..he's in Dubai." I breathe out. "Him and the kids?" She asks. "Yeah." "Wow..." She says shocked. I sigh again giving her a slightly irritated look. "He called me... And I attempted to talk to him about what happened but he just brushed it off. Then he over heard that I was getting my dress, and got upset and hung up on me." Her eyes widened. "Really?" I nod. "Is he coming back? Will he be here for your wedding?" She asks. "I don't know and I doubt it...after he hung up on me, I sent him a text telling him how I felt. Telling him it wasn't fair for him to put me through this...and he responded 'what isn't fair is me watching the love of my life get married to someone else.'" I give an exasperated sigh, running a hand through my hair. "Why does he make things so complicated." I say out loud. "Jayla, you've gotta let Michael get over this himself. I know you...and I know you care strongly for Michael and hate to see him hurt, especially knowing its over you. But there is nothing you can do to make this better for him. He has to get over this alone. You've made your choice to be with Brian. The ring is on your finger, it's official!" She gestures to my hand. "The only man you need to be worried about is your fiancé." I twirl my ring around my finger, staring at the diamond. "I mean, I told you in all honesty I don't think you and Brian should be together. Not because I don't like Brian, he's a great guy and you can tell he loves you. But, because there is just something you and Michael have with each other that you and Brian don't have. But you've made your choice. At the end of the day, I'm not marrying either one, and you're marrying both." Sasha was right. I have to let Michael get through this on his own. That was the only way I would survive planning this wedding. I was marrying Brian and there was no turning back. I love him and he loves me and like Sasha says, that's all that matters now.