Bloodborne: First Blood {1}

Chapter 𝟞𝟚 - Close To My Heart

"Alright, that's all of them?"

"Yeah Nat, Mileena searched through everyone's minds thoroughly. Those are all the HYDRA plants."

"Thank you, seriously this makes things a lot easier. And on your mother, I'll see if I can find any files on what HYDRA did to her."

"Thank you it would mean a lot if you could. It would give me some closure."

"I'll get back to you when I get to a more secure line. Talk later."

I hung up the phone. It was the next morning when Bucky had first shown up at my door. I had gotten up early than Bucky as we had both fallen asleep on the couch, I let him rest as I heated food for the both of us that April so kindly brought (putting Bucky's away), got cleaned up, hung some clothes that April and brought for him on the bathroom door earlier that morning and decided to handle some business.

Anything that would take the edge off what happened yesterday.

I know I said I was ready to give him an answer but now that I had more time to think about it, my nerves and thoughts alike were really racked up. Bucky had me shell-shocked last night and he still did that morning.

I don't know, maybe it was that I was still processing that Bucky was here and that he wasn't gone, or maybe it was that his confession struck a nerve for me. It awaken something in me that I chose to ignore for the most stupid, the most superficial reasons.

There something's I haven't been saying, sure with my life, you would have a track record of having a lot of secrets but, this isn't about that part of my life.

My relationships were never perfect and I see that now that I may have fooled myself into thinking over the years that those three men I had met, I was in love with them.

That wasn't the case.

I wasn't in love with them in the way I thought, I admired these men and even lost that admiration for one, yes, but I didn't love them. The closest to that status would have to be Howard but in reality, our relationship was romantic, full of love but not that kind of love.

I know now that I am not such a great person, I would be a coward to say that I didn't notice the looks Howard would give me long after we split ways, that I didn't recognize the hurt in Henry and Kai's eyes.

I never meant to string anyone along, I wasn't aware that my heart wasn't for them or maybe I was, and that was I pushed it away for so long.

God, what was I even saying right now?

I was so uncoordinated that morning. Maybe that was another effect of taking a look into Bucky's mind, if he felt like anything I was feeling right now then he had seriously been through hell.

At that moment I needed someone who I knew would have some sort of good advice for me and it would be the perfect time to tell them about a certain someone's appearance last night.

I proceeded to pick up the phone yet again when, a metal arm gently took it, scaring the daylights out of me. When I turned around, of course, it was Bucky with barely any expression on his face. He placed the phone on the counter and make eye contact with me.

"Don't call Steve." He pleaded.

"How did you kn-"

"I'm not ready to see him again."

"...Okay, I won't." I turned around to face him and looked down at the awkwardly close position we were in. The stress from this situation must've transferred to my body language because Bucky moved away from me swiftly to the food I put on the table. "I uh, I hung up some clothes for you on the bathroom door, you can take a shower when you're done."