Ben and Tony Bear. Book 1. Ben meets Tony.

Part 43. Ben and Tony Bear Stories. Bye Daddy.

This part of Ben's life story is heart breaking. Ben is 13. I thought he did not understand, but he did understand that Daddy would no longer be around to hug him, or sit with him for cuddles, play racing cars or talk about things.

Daddy had not been well for the last two years; he was tired all the time and had no energy. His appetite was affected too, a lot of things did not taste the same so Daddy stopped eating them. A year and a half ago at the end of September 2021, life changed for all of us when finally, Daddy Gerald got his diagnosis after many tests, prostate cancer. Daddy was told he had two to ten years. We all hoped it would be ten years, at least he could see Ben grow up into a man.

Ben did not understand what cancer was, he looked it up on Wikipedia, he looked up adverts on YouTube, he googled it. Ben came to the conclusion that Cancer was not a nice thing to have, some people survived it and others did not. He did not want his Daddy to have cancer.

Mummy and Daddy sat down with Ben and did their best to explain to him about Daddy, especially that in the end Daddy would become a Star Angel and would shine in the night sky with his Mummy and Daddy, Aunty Linny and Nanny Christine. Ben shook his head and typed * Daddy stay, no star angel." Mummy and Daddy sat beside him, and both hugged him, holding back tears.

"I'm sorry Ben," Said Daddy, " I won't be able to stay, a lot of cancer's have no cure." Ben sat and hugged his Daddy back. Ben would find a cure, he would.

Daddy at first seemed to be doing well, the tablets and injections seemed to be working. Daddy showed Ben the tablets that he was on. Ben looked them up, and he looked up the injections that Daddy had told him about. They were to help make the tumour smaller and help his body fight the cancer. Everything seemed to be going well for six months.

Christmas came and went and 2022 started, Daddy was tired but seemed okay, sometimes he needed to sleep a little more than usual but no more than an afternoon nap. Ben still got to play with him, and watch racing cars, and cuddle. Daddy put on weight again and took a liking to eating chocolate now and then. But then, something changed, Daddy started losing his taste for things again, chocolate was the first to go. Daddy went for more tests.

Daddy to take his mind off the tests treated them all to a holiday in Devon, but Daddy could not get around much. Time was spent in and around the house, sitting in the garden, watching tv. Daddy managed a couple of country shows but only for about two hrs each and that was spent sitting at the side watching the shows that were on. Mummy did all the packing and cooking, walking Dougal Dog and playing with Ben. Ben was worried, Daddy's tablets were not working,

When Ben got home the first thing, he did was go to the medicine cabinet. There were all sorts in there, plasters, allergy medicine for hay fever, headache tablets and sprays for muscle strain. Ben took them out and looked them up, something had to work to cure Daddy. Mummy told him off for taking things out of the cupboard, but then she noticed what Ben was doing.

"Why are you looking up the medicines Ben?" Asked Mummy.

" Make Daddy better." Ben typed. Mummy hugged him.

"I don't think anything can cure Daddy sweet pea; Daddy has a very nasty cancer that is spreading through him." Ben looked up at Mummy. He was not going to give up looking. He sat with Tony Bear and Dougal looking up what each thing was for. Ben took the medicines back to the cupboard and put them away. Mummy told Daddy what Ben was doing for him, Daddy felt so proud of him and signed Thank you. But Daddy knew he did not have long.

Daddy got more tired. He now spent a lot of time sleeping. He would only eat a little soup or have a drop of sparkling water. Each day Ben took a few boxes or bottles from the medicine cupboard and looked them up. He did not take or open any of them, some people were worried that he would, but Ben did not, he only wanted to find a cure for Daddy. Mummy sat with Ben and Daddy every day, sometimes she sat upstairs with Ben watching Daddy sleep on screen, Mummy had set up the laptops so she could see Daddy if upstairs and Ben if she was downstairs.

Daddy's birthday came and went, but Daddy slept through most of it. Mummy kept explaining to Ben that Daddy was soon to become a Star Angel, and it would be time to say goodbye. Ben kept typing, " No, Daddy not going." Ben searched on YouTube, looking each advert for each medicine up. There had to be a cure. There had to be.

There was none.

Two weeks after Daddy's birthday, Mummy called Ben downstairs. Ben did not come down. Today Daddy was going to be a Star Angel. It was the end of October. Ben sat on the bed upstairs and watched Daddy breathe his last breath. Mummy called Ben down again. Ben went down and sat on the settee opposite Daddy, Tony Bear in one hand and a carrier bag full of the tablets and medicines from the medicine cupboard, Ben had taken them out this morning in one last attempt to find Daddy a cure, he had failed.

Mummy sat and hugged Ben, Dougal and Tony Bear with tears rolling down her cheeks. Ben did not cry. He sat looking his tablet, looking at the adverts that had medicenes on them that could not help his Daddy now. The undertaker men came to collect Daddy once the Nurse had cleaned Daddy up a bit. Mummy gave Daddy a last kiss.

" Ben it is time to sign Goodbye to Daddy." Ben looked up and waved, then he blew a kiss to Daddy and caught one back, as he always did when he said Goodnight to Daddy. Ben went back to looking at his tablet, now he watched cars and cartoons. Daddy was gone, there had been nothing to cure Daddy.

All the family and friends that had been there throughout the day left. It was five pm, Mummy locked the door, made dinner for them both, and gave Dougal his dinner. Mummy put the telly on while they ate, and they watched cartoons together. Formula 1 racing was on later and they would watch the race together for Daddy. Daddy and Ben loved racing cars and watched everything from Formula 1 to Nascar. Mummy changed Ben, and was just finishing putting his shoes on when Ben put his tablet down on his lap and burst into tears.

" Ben what's wrong?" Asked Mummy.

Ben typed, " Daddy gone, star angel.  No cure find. " Mummy knew then that Ben did understand so much, he did have feelings and those feelings were hurting so much. 

"Oh Ben. " Mummy sat beside him and gave him the biggest longest, hug that she could. "Daddy will still be with you, in your heart," she placed her hand on his heart, " and in here," she said tapping his head lightly. " Daddy was so proud of you trying to find him a cure,  you did so well looking everything up, and learning what the medicines were for, Daddy loved you so much." Ben and Mummy let the tears flow. They would all miss Daddy so much, so, so much. "Let's watch Formula 1 for Daddy, and we'll cheer the drivers on as if he was here ok." Said Mummy. Ben nodded.

They sat there watching and cheering as if the three of them were there all together. Dougal sat at Ben's feet watching too, with Tony Bear held tightly in Ben's arms. Daddy would always be in their hearts and minds. That night Ben did not want to go to sleep without Daddy on the screen, but Mummy could not put the cameras on, Daddy was no longer there. Mummy had, however been doing screen shots of Daddy for the last year, shots of Daddy awake, shots of Daddy asleep. Mummy now showed Ben the photos, she would put one of Daddy asleep on the screen. When both of them were ready to sleep, they blew a kiss to Daddy and asked in prayer that Daddy be well again and let Daddy know them loved him always.

But there was one last thing to do before they went to sleep, Ben pointed to the curtains. Mummy turned the lights out and pulled open the curtains. The sky was clear, and the stars shone brightly down. Ben got out of bed, looked out the window up at the sky and waved, then blew a kiss and caught it. Mummy was so proud of him. Ben climbed back into bed and fell asleep with tears in his eyes being hugged by Mummy, with Tony Bear in his arms and Dougal between their feet. 

The toys, Ben, Mummy and Dougal would never stop loving or forget Gerald, He would always be in their hearts and thoughts.