stupid piece of paper : hyunsung ✓

thirty two

"I guess so," Jisung said with a shrug. Tom stared ahead, twisting and kneading his hands in his lap. "I mean you don't have to tell me, I'm just curious," Jisung added as the boy didn't speak.

Tom fixed his eyes on him for a while. He nodded slowly, mouth open. He was thinking hard. One of his eyebrows twitched and he bit his already busted lips. Jisung was about to open his mouth again, to save Tom from whatever brain fart was happening to him at the moment, but Tom was faster.

"Can you listen...?" he croaked and cleared his throat, "For two minutes?" Jisung nodded. Was this going to turn into a therapy session? Well, that's one way to bond with your classmates, wasn't it?

Tom took a deep breath in, not good at hiding how shaky he was. Jisungs eyelids were too heavy to hold open.

"So um... I think you're one of the coolest people I know. You make things look so easy. Like in English class? How do you even know these things? It makes no sense to me. But when you explain it to me, even if it's just," he drew quotation marks into the air, "tutoring it made me feel like I could look inside your head, at least a little. And I just admire you for... I don't know... you? I guess? You're you and I never met anyone who is like that."

Tom sighed, massaging his knuckles. "And this might be a surprise to you, but I think I like you." Silence. "Like a lot." Tom couldn't hide the shakiness in his voice anymore.

Jisung stared into the sky. Shit. What was he supposed to answer? Jisung wiggled in his spot, he felt ants creeping up his shirt.

"I know you don't think of me that way and honestly I don't want you to. I just wanted to get over it and finally tell you. To move on. So we can be friends without this huge barrier in my mind." Tom smiled. "In the end we're all just teenagers right?"

"Right..." Jisung's head started to spin.

Hyunjin.

"Well, I'm gonna get going. Don't fall asleep." Tom sniffled and wiped his face off. But as he stood up and waved Jisung goodbye, he had a huge smile on his face. You couldn't notice the tears wettening his cheeks.

Hyunjin.

The second Tom was out of sight Jisung threw his head back and covered it with his hands. "Shit. Fuck. Damnit," he cursed. He wanted to kick his legs, to scream. He had no idea how to react. Being in his own skin felt like a curse.

"Why..." Jisung deserved the asshole of the year award. Maybe someone should throw him in a pit of rats and let him painfully be eaten alive.

Hyunjin.

Was this how normal people react to being rejected? Jisung didn't even say anything. He didn't comfort Tom. He was a terrible friend. A terrible person to have a crush on. This was the second person he made cry. Unintentionally this time. It hurt the same.

Hyunjin.

No... Jisung gasped a little. This didn't hurt. Tom confused him, yes. And he felt guilty and sorry.

But this didn't hurt the same way it did when he saw Hyunjin cry when he replayed his words and his actions on replay instead of sleeping at night. It hurt like hell.

How was he going to make any of this up to anyone? Tom had a life of his own and Jisung felt like he interrupted the peace there. He wasn't supposed to be in his life anyway.

And he wished he felt the same way towards Hyunjin. But they have been together, as friends, during middle school, even before the time Jisung can recall in his memory. Losing his deepest darkest enemy wasn't on the bucket list.

Which technically doesn't make him an enemy anymore.

"Fuck!" Jisung yelped. An ant bit him. "You son of a bitch!" He cried jumping around on the top of the hill, to empty his shirt.