Chapter 34

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why you came back? | Hax

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"I Lost myself but I'm Moving on
(but I'm Moving on)
Fighting who I am and who I'm not."
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I yawned waiting to get picked up. I hummed and waited, kept going back and forth with my heels. It was early and exhausting today. I ran all the way here and it's so cold that my throat is dry.

It reminds me of P.E. and I hated that. They either made us walk or run. There were so many activities it was dumb to do that for a grade. All of it is. No one can be the same and pass the exercise exam or the running exam. It was just stupid because we all have different genetics and set unrealistic standards when it can be completely not true.

Yeah, it helps become more active, and you're able to do a bunch of things. It could get you out of depression and such but it still was wrong for a grade. If they really want p.e. to be around at least not do it for the grade but participant. Telling them I walked a mile because I was sick and still failed does not count.

It is disgusting because the teachers even shame you. They are not a dietician or a doctor to know how your body works and needs and force you to do something you probably shouldn't. I knew a girl who was skinny and had a fast metabolism. She wasn't a friend, just saw her in my class. She went to the hospital because she passed out due to the extreme workouts.

I heard a car come by and turned my head to see Mathew's mom. I took my earphones out as I walked to the car. Mathew and Tyler can not drive. Mathew can't because even if he could, he is an insane dude driving. He almost made the car go upside down. Tyler is not a morning person and might fall asleep throughout the drive. How is possible, it just happens.

She waved and I made it by the car then opened the back door. "Good morning."

"Good morning,"I told her walking in.

I look to see Mathew sleeping with his head by the window. He was snoring. Mrs.Creed chuckled and watched me put my seatbelt on after closing the door. The car was super warm and comfortable. I look back at Mathew to see him with a blanket over him. Looks comfortable.

"Did he play video games all night?"I asked and she hummed as she started driving.

"Up all night."

"I even had to slap him and threaten him with a hanger to go to sleep. He did but he apparently had a Nintendo Switch under his blanket on his bed. It was on all day."She said and I hummed.

I stare at him as I notice her eyes on the road. He looked like a Koala hugging myself to sleep. His hair was a mess and even had some drool.  His mouth was kinda of open.

He looked cute.

Pause. Pause. Pause. PAUSE! The fuck did I just think. That was stupid to even think about that. I gulped as I felt my face feel flushed. I turned away and looked at the street. Nope, not today. I am not going to think about this.

Why is my heart beating so fast? Am I afraid is something? Did the thought of this freak me out? Yes, the thought of what I thought freaked me out! He is not cute, he is an annoying fish that needs to flow the fuck away from me.  Like hell if I would think that. Disgusting.

I pushed my headphones back on and looked at the street seeing it was raining. Great! Just great. This has got to be the weirdest day out of all the weirdest days. Actually, never mind.

I honestly hate being here as of now. I feel like I have dragged myself. I am eating when I don't want to and when I really want to I feel like I can't. I am going to school and working on my grades I don't feel like doing. I hate my head sometimes because I ramble off and then I hear the voices coming back when I know it's my own voice and I am taunting these ideas onto myself. 

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