ALBEDO "the way i loved you"

chapter twenty

"so, you like him?"

she looked at albedo who's busy writing something — no — she doesn't like him — she couldn't like him — she mustn't like him! y/n shook her head. she must be sick if she likes him! what would her younger and earlier months self say to her if they found that she fell for her enemy.

if...if she doesn't like him then what?

"i don't like him, hu.."

hu tao frowned, "you're not even sure."

"you're pressuring me."

"am not! i'm just asking you a simple question." hu tao argued. "a yes or no would suffice. besides, he's your enemy right? you have nothing to lose."

she's right.

y/n frowned suddenly finding herself mentally in a desert — alone and struggling — like she suddenly wanted to drink gallons of water or just drown in them. she doesn't like albedo...right?

before she could even think about it, mr. zhongli entered the classroom with papers in his hands. ah! it's hu tao's fault that she had forgotten that today would be the announcement for the second semester's ranking.

she braced herself nervously. y/n remembered herself during the examination, how she probably messed up all the formulas with her head spinning like a wheel.

"first on the ranking..." mr. zhongli read the paper, "y/n l/n."

and?

y/n and who?

"congratulations." their adviser greeted, it was then followed by a series of claps and greetings.

y/n couldn't move.

it's just her?

"albedo ranked second."

the announcement went on but everything sounded like a blur to her. she was supposed to be happy..right? she finally beat albedo! but why did she feel annoyed and betrayed? why was frustration getting ahead of her?

she bit her lips out of frustration — did he intend to go down one rank just for her? did he think that would make her feel grateful? worthy?

"i'll leave the booth's idea to our class president," zhongli gathered the papers again. "venti, i expect a lot from you and our class."

"congratulations, y/n!" hu tao giggled, giving her a warm hug. "finally! you can irk him all you want because you managed to beat him!"

she took a deep breath and excused herself. for some reason, being ahead of him felt annoying and empty — words couldn't describe it — it felt like she got played but at the same time she knew she worked hard for it; to claim that number one spot.

there was no one around the bench. skipping the second subject wouldn't affect her future, right? she could just go tell them that she's not feeling well. sitting on the bench, she could feel her surroundings staying still. the branches of trees swayed as the wind engulfed the small field. it was somehow caressing her whole existence — calming her down — freeing her from all the thoughts in her head.

life has been exhausting lately.

she's still not on good terms with her brother — they were treating each other like strangers inside their home — the awkwardness of eating together with their mother would always plague the table — neither would be willing to talk about what happened, about the situation, and who would apologize first.

ella inoue has been avoiding her — y/n just wanted to talk with that girl — she just wanted to ask her lots of questions. though she heard her in the bathroom that fateful day, she wanted to be enlightened with ella's purpose. was what she did to the both of them, y/n and her brother, really just came from pure jealousy or is there more than that?

the urge to confront her was surging through her system yet again she felt like in order to do that; it's either ella or her brother talk first or y/n and b/n talk first. being always misunderstood is sickening to this point — the feeling of your whole existence crumbling down into pieces as

those hurtful words crawling against her heart are hard pills to swallow — hard pills to forget — even in her nightmares, they haunt her.

now, she finally succeeded albedo. but for some unknown reason, she's not happy. it felt like there's something missing and she couldn't identify what was it. what's stopping her from being happy?

third period came — going back to the classroom knowing damn well her classmates would give her stares for skipping the second subject was dreadful.

"where'd you go?" hu tao asked, "i had to lie without batting an eye to cover you up.."

"sorry, i don't feel well." y/n replied, opening the book with exhaustion. "what did i miss?"

"nothing special — hey, do you want to skip the class?"

"no."

"c'mon! you can do things for the first time – why not try to experience being a rebel at least once?" hu tao pouted, her eyes were pleading but they were not enough to convince y/n.

"i don't think today's the day for that." she let out a small smile, "maybe next time?"

when ms. shenhe came, the class turned cold. she's a great teacher with an unbreakable wall built against her students – she never really jokes nor laugh with everyone. she's stern and independent, a lot aspire to be her — someone with a stable job, a pretty face, and a charm that everyone would kill for.

hu tao snickered, raising her hand. shenhe raised her brow, waiting for hu tao's words in silence as the black haired girl stood up, putting on a weak and exhausted facade. "i don't feel well, miss...may i go to the clinic?"

shenhe hesitated but gave in, knowing that no one could break hu tao's persistence. "alright, off you go."

"can i bring my friend, y/n? i don't think i could walk alone in the hallway with my head spinning like this..." she really did well in making her voice sound weak.

"why y/n?"

"because...she's my friend?"

shenhe stopped writing for a while, she tilted her head as if she's thinking about something that not everyone in this room would guess. "alright, y/n. i will trust hu tao to you, present me the record of hu tao being in the clinic tomorrow – or i can just ask the nurse later."

arriving at the clinic with hu tao's poor acting skill as she states how much her head hurts, how she couldn't focus on the class, and how she just wants to lay down on the bed and rest with the nurse knowing that everything she said was a lie is hurtful to watch and awkward to hear from y/n's perspective.

she smiled politely as she sat on the chair next to hu tao's bed. "you're so persistent, hu.."

"now, do tell me." hu tao laughed, "you didn't smile nor cheered when the announcement was made when it clearly showed that you were finally able to beat him."

"i like him." y/n said, almost whispering. "i like albedo."

"and i...." for some reason, admitting her feelings for him made her breathless and gasping for air. "and i feel like...he still treats me as his rival — so... with me being the top in class, i don't think he'd ever like me back..."

hu tao's mouth hung open, "you're smart yet so stupid."

"hey!" y/n exclaimed, slightly offended with her friend's response. "i've been thinking about this for a while and i thought it's best to keep it to myself but somehow having someone who will listen to me feels nice."

"well, you practically taught yourself to be independent to the point that you thought keeping problems and all to yourself would make you stronger without knowing it would slowly be the reason for your demise." hu tao chuckled, "i'm here and i do understand your situation."

"listen, we're classmates with albedo since middle school." hu tao trailed off, caressing y/n's hand with gentleness. "and with me being one of the witnesses of how your rivals formed, i know damn well that albedo has feelings for you too."

"that's a lie..."

"oh, wanna bet about it?" her friend suspiciously giggled as she leaned on the shell of y/n's ear to whisper something that made her cheeks burned with red.