Courting

Chapter 14 (Lo'ak and Tsireya)

(I needed a break from Ao'nung and Neteyam after last chapter while i decide where it's going next so enjoy this. I don't have a specific time this chapter takes place, it's not necessarily before or after where my chapters have been, just a small extract of some headcanons I have and stuff I wanted to include.)

The light of the day was barely visible, yet Lo'ak's skin was burning, he was sure his shoulders were red, the had to be. Tsireya had convinced him to meet on the beach early that morning, before even the training that their siblings would be joining them for later. Lo'ak was unsure what she had planned, and she hadn't seen fit to inform him. Closing his eyes, Lo'ak listened. He would often do this back home, while riding his Ikran or sitting at the top of a tall tree. Usually he made a game of trying to place all the sounds, naming the birds he heard calling, guessing the distance of roaring waterfalls. In this unfamiliar land, he couldn't recognise any animals, it all sounded the same. This was very stressful for Lo'ak, he preferred to understand his surroundings, feeling vulnerable when he didn't. The ocean was an overpowering sound, indistinguishable from the loud swishing of leaves blowing in the breeze of the early morning. 

Feeling a hand on his waist, Lo'ak was shocked from his thoughts. Grateful for a distraction, Lo'ak opened his eyes, squinting at how much brighter the day had become. Tilting his head down slightly, Lo'ak met the eyes of Tsireya. The Metkayina girl had the most perfect... everything Lo'ak had ever seen. The curls of her hair cascading out of the braids running over he scalp, the curve of her ribs inwards to her stomach, the wide sparkling eyes Lo'ak found himself staring into so much. While he was admiring her, Tsireya tilted her head, breaking into the most beautiful smile Lo'ak had ever seen, something she managed to achieve every single time. 

"Are you okay?" Tsireya asked, inquiring after his silent stillness. Not realising how long he had been standing there, Lo'ak wondered how long she had been watching.

"Yes, I was just... listening." Lo'ak felt stupid, sure Tsireya would laugh at his sentimental expression. But she didn't, she just levelled her expression into something less happy but ten times as kind, somehow. 

"What did you hear?" she asked, completely serious and interested. Feeling himself smile at her genuine curiosity, Lo'ak closed his eyes again and listened, this time also feeling the warm hands placed on his lower back and arms on his waist. Tsireya slowly fiddled with the long braid falling down Lo'ak's back, and Lo'ak breathed deeply. 

"I hear the ocean, and the trees. The birds are calling to each other, and something is whistling out in the water." Lo'ak told her, trying very hard to distinguish the sounds, but struggling. "There's... something cracking in that direction," he nodded his head lightly to his left, towards the tree line a small ways off the beach. "but... I don't know what." Suddenly, Lo'ak's voice broke. Up until then, he had been trying to hold his voice strong, but it was too much. He hated it and himself, Lo'ak, the son of Toruk Makto was breaking up over some sounds he didn't recognise. Pathetic. He opened his eyes, and saw Tsireya doing the same, apparently she had been listening too. 

"Lo'ak, are you okay?" Tsireya asked, her eyes creasing and her brow wrinkling as she turned a compassionate gaze on him, the kindness making Lo'ak want to cry. 

"No. No I am not okay." Lo'ak felt his voice break again. He was shaking his head, braids falling out of the hair tie he had favoured since their arrival. Tsireya had made it for him, saying it would be useful for ilu riding. He pulled it out, braids falling across his face. It was a thick band weaved from something stretchy, a pattern replicating rippling water glowing in the moonlight. It truly was beautiful, as was anything that Tsireya did. 

"Tell me, let me help. Please." Tsireya's voice now broke. Lo'ak had tried to be tough the whole time he had been in the Metkayina village, not wanting give any hint of weakness. Tsireya tore that wall down in an instant. Even just being in her presence, having her eyes on him, Lo'ak felt weak. She looked at him in a way that made Lo'ak want to be weak, to let her in. His father was adamant that to expose ones feelings to another person or group who they didn't know well was a true display of weakness. But Tsireya talked like she had known Lo'ak his whole life. Tsireya knew Lo'ak feigned a tough exterior, and she knew how to break into the interior. The true Lo'ak, the one only she and his siblings knew. "You don't have to hold it in, you can't." She tried to convince him. Lo'ak just shook his head.

"I cannot, I don't... I shouldn't need support from someone I met two months ago, I should be able to control my emotions, I shouldn't be so weak." Lo'ak told her, trying to convince himself he couldn't tell her, couldn't present a weakness. 

"Sharing emotions is the greatest strength anyone can have." Tsireya was now talking in a defiant tone, taking hold of Lo'ak's hands. "No matter what your father says, I am here, Lo'ak. Please, tell me, what is wrong. I can help you, I want to help you, but I cannot if you don't want me to." she was shaking his arms slightly, trying to make him listen. He wanted to share, he wanted her to help, to liste, so badly. Breathing in deep again, Lo'ak re-tied his hair.

"I know you are Tsireya. You have been there for me ever since I have arrived. I couldn't have adapted so fast without you." Lo'ak told her, looking into her eyes, the glittering blue eyes that reminded Lo'ak of gems. She seemed to relax slightly at this, nodding encouragingly. "But I cannot. I don't deserve an outlet, I should be able to support myself." Lo'ak pulled back gently, dropping her hands. She rolled her head to the side, giving an expression Lo'ak had last seen when Tonowari had told her she had disappointed him, her eyes became shiny as they filled with tears.

"Lo'ak-" Tsireya reached for him, but he gently caught her hand and lowered it. 

"I will see you at our training later today." Lo'ak said, refusing to let his voice break again. Tsireya just shook her head, determined to help him. He didn't deserve it. He weakly smiled, doing nothing to reassure her, and walked away slowly. She didn't chase him, didn't grab his hand again, for which Lo'ak was glad. He knew if she asked him again, he would tell her everything. How he hated being here, he hated not knowing the land, the animals, the plants. He hated being around people who viewed him as an unaccomplished child; useless. He would tell her that she was the only reason he left his marui everyday, the prospect of seeing her every morning kept him trying and working at his training. But she didn't, so Lo'ak didn't say anything, didn't turn back. 

(This was meant to be a one part, but it got really long, so I'll upload the second right after this)