Courting

Chapter 24

(Someone added this to a shelf called 'smutty wuttys' so now I'm wondering if people want me to write smut coz there isnt any in here -yet?-)

"I noticed." Ao'nung told Neteyam, releasing the hold on his arms, allowing them to rise to Neteyam's face this time. Lifting the heavy jaw up to meet his gaze once more, Ao'nung lost himself in the pools of molten gold staring back at him. Neteyam sagged at his words.

"I tried so hard. I have been trying to fit in, I want to fit in so badly. I worked harder than anyone else, trying to make my parents, my father-" Neteyam's voice broke at the name, and he moved on "But I am still other, an outsider."

"No." Ao'nung interjected. "They are the outsiders. If anyone doesn't recognise you for who you are, the work you put in, how hard you try, they are worth nothing." Truth was a driving force behind every word, Ao'nung meant every syllable. 

"On that cliff," Neteyam's voice cracked violently, suddenly drawing Ao'nung's attention to the tears streaming down his face "I could only think it would've been so easy." Ao'nung almost collapsed, but forced his legs to hold him. 

"What?" Ao'nung asked breathlessly. Neteyam tried to hide his head again, to turn away, but Ao'nung didn't want his... friend? Whatever. Ao'nung didn't want him to lock this away, not again. "Hey," he made sure his voice didn't betray his own panic. His hands still resting on the side of Neteyam's head, Ao'nung used his thumbs to wipe away the tear tracks on Neteyam's face, Ao'nung continued "don't worry." He resisted the urge to wipe away the new tears falling. 

"How can you look at me?" Neteyam's head dropped, a slight resistance on Ao'nung's hands. "I was so selfish. All I could think about was myself, what I wanted." Ao'nung was so stunned by this confession he let Neteyam keep talking for a moment. "I didn't do the work to be helpful, I did it to try and gain attention, to earn some sort of reputation. No one of worthy-" Ao'nung snatched his thoughts back from confusion and cut him off. 

"Stop that!" His voice was a bit louder than he intended, and Neteyam seemed surprised, momentarily meeting his eyes. "You are the most selfless person I have ever met." Ao'nung moved his hands to Neteyam's shoulders, and gently urged him to sit down. Neteyam all but collapsed to sit, Ao'nung wincing and following suit. Sitting cross-legged,  Neteyam's tail was lifeless on the ground, shoulders slumped. Ao'nung cringed at the broken picture, trying to think of the words, the actions, whatever, to help him. 

"Why do you think I have been so obsessed with you all these months?" Ao'nung asked, trying to will Neteyam's eyes to meet his. 

"Because I'm so undeniably attractive?" Ao'nung lightened slightly at Neteyam's attempt of humour, weak as it was, but was nervous from the note of sarcasm and self-doubt in the tone of Neteyam's voice. 

"That's definitely part of it." Ao'nung chuckled slighty, playing with a stray braid hanging over Neteyam's forehead.

"Can you tell me why?" Neteyam asked shyly, almost inaudibly. Ao'nung seized the opportunity to praise Neteyam for everything he did. He told him; he talked about how strong he looked when he was swimming, how perfectly he managed everything so quickly. About the determination Ao'nung could see in every movement Neteyam made when he was learning, mastering anything easily as the others breathed. How beautiful his face was in the starlight, but also in the light of day, under the wavering eminence of the water, and in the shade of a marui, sleeping. Ao'nung spoke of the way he found himself looking over his shoulder, and upon seeing Neteyam watching, discovered he had more confidence. He remembered Tuk, and how her face lit up seeing Neteyam, and how she hid behind his legs when she got nervous, and how Neteyam would tolerate anything she did just to see her smile.