OUR STORY (Zak Bagans fan fiction)

Taste of the light

        As i sit still by the coffee table , i cant help but to feel like my heart is beating faster and faster. I have never really believed in people who see spirits and can communicate with them but thoughts change quick when you are surrounded by 4 spirits who are constantly waiting for you to notice them. I have tried not to look at them, pretend that this is not real and that my medication is too strong but its hard to ignore 4 very real looking people constantly talking to you. It has been way too much to handle and tonights lockdown is going to be icing on the cake. 
"I know that this wont be easy, i know that recent events have made it harder to go into these places , but we need to remember why we do this and what is our purpose. So i want every one of you to know that if it gets hard in there, you cannot run out. We are doing this, the whole night. Another haunted hospital is not where we give up"
Zak spoke in a very serious voice as we all listened to him with grim faces. We all knew Zak was not quite ready for this, but noone really wanted to question Zaks abilities, he had already obviously decided.
" Okay so we have thermal cameras, motion sensors and emf detectors placed in this place already, all we need to do is set up the cameras and go in at sundown. Aaron and Billy - i want you to take the first shift at nerve center while me, Jay and Lily go in for the first round. "
Again, silence , noone said a word in response to Zaks monologe. He did seem fine, very focused on the lockdown. Maybe too focused. The coffee shop was right next to a highway which was not far from the hospital . We were ready but not emotionally. 
Zak seemed to accept that noone is answering. He did know that this was crazy and that he was still very vonerable to spirits but he was also very very stubborn and sometimes even stupid.
" Zak, do you have your cross? "Aaron said with worry . The cross was not visible and quite frankly the only thing he had used all these years as protection from the spirit world.
" The chain broke during the exorcism so i do have it ,just in my pocket. "
Again , silence. After some more silence we all got up and climbed back into the living van that we used for long trips. The same van where me and Zak shared good and bad times. It was quite unreal to be back but it was something that just kept calling to me, i knew i was in the right place at the right time.
As we got in they all took their usual spots. Billy was behind the wheel, Jay was streched out on the couch , Zak in his private den and Aaron sitting shotgun to Billy. Only i was out of place , my usual spot was near Zak. Jay noticed this very quickly and sat on the couch like a normal person ,giving me space to sit down.
" I am so glad you are back , i really missed your energy in our crew" - Jay said quietly as if it was a secret
" Not so sure that everyone would agree with you" I said picking up a magazine from the nearby counter/table.
" Whatever he is doing ,its just a way of coping"
"Coping with what ?"
" Everything. It has been too much for him lately. He even said that he might quit" -  Jay said even quiter to make sure noone was hearing him except me .
" Quit? Zak and Quit? Come on he just gave us a whole pep talk about how thats something we cant do ."  I whispered back
"Yes but i think you noticed that the conversation was only him to himself"
We sat quiet for a minute. I dont think that i have considered his feelings that much lately.
" When you left he spent days looking for you, he was a mess.." Jay spoke up again. I did feel guilty .......wait ... days???
" Jay , how long did he look for me? "  i asked shocked
" Well i remember how you left , it was a friday so if i am right it was 6 days he spent in chaos. By thursday he was already up and running, back to work because now he at least knew where  you were and that you are safe " Jay explained again in a quiet voice.  I was too stunned to speak , i could not believe this.
" He told me he searched in desperation for 2 years...Jesus , he has not changed one bit. " 
As i said it , i wanted to make it clear that it was anger i felt but it came out sounding sadder than i thought. And i was , i really was sad .
" Wow, okay but please dont bring  me into this please dont tell-"
"Jay i wont. I am over that, very very done with all of that. I am just glad to be back here, i missed you guys ! "
Jay smiled as if he had heard the best news in the whole world but the smile dissapeared quicky as Zaks den's doors flew open and he stormed out. Everyone looked back , even Billy who was behind the wheel.
Zak spoke up in a calmer voice than ecpected-
" June , can we have a word?"
So official , so calm. This mans mood was changing quicker than the weather.
I nodded yes and followed him into his den as he gestured for me to come inside. He closed the door after me.
" Take a seat" he said
I took a seat on the small leg stool besides the bed. The room smelled and looked the same as i remembered. Terrible but also spicy flashbacks went through my head.
" Can we wrap this up fast, i dont enjoy being in small spaces with you for now "  i said . That might have sounded like a joke but i was serious . It was quite uneasy for now.
" Is it because you cant stop thinkimg about us? "He said , sounding almost like he was teasing me.
" No Zak, it is because you tried to kill me just 2 nights ago" i spat back. His smirk died. He seemed to have forgotten about that .
" Right, well that is not what this is about "
" So what IS this about Zak?" His jaw seemed to almost clench as i said his name. The energy was wierd , scary, tense, tragic but also almost sexual.
" Its about the show. The fans and the public will remember you. There were rumors about us dating . I want you to keep close but not too close. I want to work well with you but there needs to be a line. For the cameras in particular. "
Zak said all serious .i stayed quiet for a secong, wrapoing my head around his words.
" So what you want is nothing that can start any rumors or discussions, yes? "  i asked in a calm voice
" Yes, i would appreciate that. And also dont be wierd about it. I know that it has been like that for us these last days but thats not something the cameras need to see"
" Understood , anything else? "
He stayed silent, almost as if he was in shock about how uninterested i was in his intentions and words. His ego was too big for that.
" Actually yes..."  as he said that he looked deep into my eyes. It felt like the room was gone, just him and i . The suspense coukd not have lasted more than a couple seconds but it felt like a day.  It felt like i have all the time in the world to really look at him. Like really look at him for the first time since i came back , to take in his new ,more mature,  face features. This man was gorgeous.
"I am glad you are back , i really am, but can we please talk about what happened. i need answers before we move foward and really start working together" he said breaking the silence . He had not gone soft, this in fact still felt like an official meeting.
" we want answers " i said mocking the old intro to the ghost adventures. He let a small smile form on his face ,but only for a second.
" No, but seriously speaking , i know. I know that it all ended quite wierd and you never got the answers but we both know how unhappy you were, isnt that a good enough answer already? " 
" But why did you go so fast, no goodbye, no closure. You just left me . I thought you killed yourself, i thought you were dead ,maybe kidnaped ,maybe cheating . " he spoke up, his offical tone had turned into an angry one.
" You have all the rights to be angry with me but i did warn you that it might happen. I did tell you all along but you never listened to me. You kept coming on to me, begun to form a relationship but you knew Zak. You knew it wasnt the right time"
" But why did you go through with it, why did you even let me in? " the anger was staring to sound like sadness.
" Zak i - " i felt my stomach drop as i spoke these words to him, only now in the past tense.
" Zak i loved you. Maybe we just both had too much hope for the best outcome. Maybe among all this darkness in our lifes we were hungry for a taste of the light but we just could not reach it. Is it my fault or yours? That doesnt matter anymore. "
He listened carefully and tried to wrap his head around every sentence i spoke. You could tell he was going through some emotions.
" Loved me? " he said as if that was the only thing he heard. I am guessing he was questioning why the past tense and if it really was gone. I stood up as the conversation got more intense.
" Zak , how can i help you? After all this time what do you really need from me? Why did you even let me come back to the show?" 

" I still love you"

The words eccoed through the room as if he had shouted them . It was unexpected. His face expressed regret . I looked at him now knowing that my return to GA would lead to nothing good , just more drama.
Although his words meant so much , it did not feel right and as much as i wanted to hug him, i did not.

" Zak, i am so sorry " is the only thing my mind could come up with at this moment. But what did he expect really, his mind was a mystery to me .
I turned to the door and reached for the handle but my hand was stopped by his. He then swiftly turned me back around to face him, who was now standing up and very close to me.

" Listen, you can go ahead and walk out but if you do ...if you walk out then you will hurt me again and i know you dont want that. " he spoke almost in my ear with his raspy voice.
" No , i dont " i whispered. He was close enough to hear that.
" So tell me... do you still have feelings for me?
" i dont see how it would change anything, i dont see how it would make working together easier"
" Please  i need to know" - he spoke again now even closer to my ear . Was he trying to seduce me or get a confession?
" You and me both know that what we had is not something that goes away"
He froze, stepped back and only now could i spot a slight smirk on his face.
" See now i know, now i know that it all wasnt for nothing" he said sounding almost relieved.
My mind did not have enough time to process that when the bus suddently stopped and Zaks body got slammed right into mine. As it happened i accidentally let out a slight moan that was supposed to sound like i am in pain...it did not. Zak pulled himsel away from me and i just knew that we both felt it.

We both still felt it all and maybe even more.