home (reader at hogwarts)

sixty seven

"get in." severus almost pushes you into his chambers, and you stagger towards a sofa.

"i shouldn't have done that-" he mumbles, feeling the inside of a cupboard in the dark, feeling each bottle till he felt the matted glass of a drop shaped bottle and pulled it out.

"what are you doing?" you ask through a grimace. your hand remains pressed over the side of your head, trying desperately to soothe the searing pain that oscillated through your skull.

"i shouldn't have-" he repeats, getting on his knees and grabbing a cloth from the inside of his waist coat. he spills some of the potion on it before removing your hand and pressing the cloth to your head.

it seeps through strands of your hair, hair that had grown thicker and healthier than it had ever been before, seeping through to your scalp. you feel the warm tingly sensation you often felt on your arm when severus would treat it, before that side of your head went numb.

"that feels so strange." you tell him.

"you've been numbed before." he says softly. he tilts your head, one hand on your chin, trying to get you used to the imbalance.

"that was my arm. this is my head."

"glad to know you haven't forgotten basic anatomy."

as he re-caps the potion bottle, you notice that the cloth he used was a handkerchief. it's a dark green, with black velvet detailing. you reach out for it but severus snatches it away and tucks it into his pocket.

"let me see." you demand but he pushes your hands away as you make another grab for his waist coat.

"mm mm." severus shakes his head.

you decide to drop it. handkerchiefs are boring.

"what happened? why could i hear you?" you ask.

"it's a type of magic i should never have used on you. one i had learnt during my first year here-"
he fiddles with one of the rings on his fingers. "you remember i told you that i had snuck into the restricted section of the library during my first few terms here?"

"yes." your response is quick. this is a secret, you can already tell.

you don't give him time to think before he continues on. you don't want him to change your mind about telling you any of this.

"i picked up a book on legillimency and realised there was a dark type of the same sort of magic, getting into people's minds and so on.." he lets out a heavy sigh. "it has side effects depending on how far the distance, and how long the messages, but it didn't stop me from trying it out."

"i tried it on a friend.." he pauses.

"on her?" you question.

he stares back at you, eyes glazed with a numbness you wish you could change. he nods.

now you understand why he regrets it so much. lilly probably hated him using dark magic, even if he didn't initially mean any harm by his unique talent in legillimency.

it was immoral. painful.

and he'd done it to you.

"it's alright, dad." you slip off the sofa and kneel next to him. "you took care of it, i'm alright now."

"y/n, i'm sorry. i won't ever do it again. i was-"

"worried. i know." you smile. he leans forward and kisses the numb part of your head.

"sorry, love." he mutters into your hair.

"i was with adelaide." you tell him, while you get comfortable and lean against the bottom of the sofa. "she took me to the prefects bathroom."

the look on severus' face almost makes you choke.

"to show it to me." you laugh. "nothing weird, i promise."

he chuckles slightly letting you lean your head on his shoulder.

"why did she take you there?"

"she heard gemma talking to madame hooch about my flying. she knows i fly regularly but she doesn't know i do it here with you."

"this is adelaide pucey, we're talking about, correct?" he asks and you nod.

"i'd be careful." severus warns you, though his voice is no more sterner than it was before. "she's a prefect and all, the perfect student, but she's manipulative."

"how do you-"

"you can tell." he shrugs. "i've been around death eaters and the worst sort of people on earth, and i've learned to recognise potential threats when i see them."

"that's what she is then? a potential threat?" you ask.

"perhaps." he mumbles, rubbing his eyes. "perhaps not."

"are you alright?" your hand reaches for his eyes and feel the warmth of his eyelid. it's watering, you realise.

"i've been brewing more of your dreamless potion. it's terribly corrosive before it's finished, and i think i got it in my eye."

"i'm sorry." you say.

"not your fault love." he smiles. "you want to spend christmas here? till dinner, that is."

you grin wide and wrap your arms around his neck.

"i'll take that as a yes." he struggles to choke out.