Tw sh and talk of suicide
I got home, my own bed. My own space.
I dropped my bags and immediately went in to the bathroom. Took out my kit, ripped off my badges and the cutting began.
I cried out so much, I don't think I even cried like this.
I broke me. I'm broken
One cut after the other. From arms to legs. I needed everything to stop.
I was gonna do it.
*ding dong* doorbell goes.
I was to buzzy to stop. I made another cut.
*knock knock*
*ping*
I look at my phone and see a message
Em: I'm at your door can you let me in
Shit
Y/n: giv me a sec I'm on the toilet
That was a lame excuse
I wrap up my cuts, put away my kit and rush to the door.
"Em what are you doing here its-"
What time is it?
"I actually don't know what time it is"
"It's 7pm" she answered
"Right, what are you doing here its 7pm! Its actually not that late but anyway"
Emily laughs and let's herself in.
"Well after what happend. I don't think you should be alone "
Penelope send her didn't she? Is she checking that I don't hurt myself again.
Why does she care
"Why are you really here?" I ask while cleaning up my apartment.
"Y/n, I care about you-"
"Why?" I ask bluntly
I could see emily looking back in shock. I didnt mean to sound so cold, I just. Idk why she cares so much.
"Bc your my bestfriend and I dont want to lose you" emily walks up to me and looks me in the eyes.
"Do you really think that we don't care?"
I just look her in the eyes as tears start to form in mine.
" I I just don't understand why you would care about me. Or how somebody can care"
Emily embraced me in a hug
" o y/n. Don't belief a single word your head is telling you"
She backed up and wiped away my tears.
"Why do you have bag with you" I ask
"O well I'm spending the night"
"No your not" i said out laughing
She look at me stern
"Wha I don't need a babysitter em"
"And I'm not saying you do, I just wanne be here for you. I've been in many dark places myself "
Right you felt the same way I'm feeling rn.
I rolled my eyes at her
"Wa what was that" she asked
"Nothing you want food, I haven't eaten yet so"
"I'm feeling pad thai, what about you?" Em looked at me weird and realised I wasn't going to explain it to her.
"Yea it's fine"
"Can you handle some spice?"
"Wa yes ofc"
I gave her a look knowing she probably can't handle it
" I'm fine I can handle it."
I still ordered her a non spicy one.
"So I guess your staying here" I ask after we sat down on the couch.
I wasn't so mad about the company actually.
" don't worry, I'll still give you some space. I can sleep on the couch"
"Oo yes you are" emily looks at me weird
"The couch turns in to a bed. I would never let you sleep on just a couch and break you back"
I laugh a little, she just smiled.
We watched TV till the food arrived.
"You said it would be spicy, its not spicy at all" emily said proud of herself
"That's bc I ordered a non spicy one for you" I smile at her
"Wha-I told you I could take it"
"Can you?" I said while holding my plate up to her. For her to taste.
She took a bite, and I could see her face change. she pretend she could handle it, she tried to take s sip if water.
"No!!"I scream bc water only makes it worse
She now started coughing and I just laughed. I put my hand infornt of my face to hide how hard i was laughing.
After a sec she calmed down
"I was dying and you were just laughing at me!" She said as an angry toddler
"But it was funny!"
I continued eating my pad thai.
I finished up my food And turned the couch into a bed. As i started to put some pillows on it emily asked me something
" What's that box?"
"Ow Eva's mom gave it to me. It has our yearbook in it and some pictures if us together. I haven't opend it yet"
"Can I take a look" she asked.
"I- fine. It doesn't matter anyway"
"You guys really looked cute together"
Yea. We did...
"How long have you know her?"
"I've know her since middle school, but we only became close in high-school."
I sit myself down and smile bc I remember something
"What are you smiling at" emily said from sitting on the ground next to the box.
"I just remembered something. I always had a crush on her. Even in middle school I thought she was the shit yk. And then when we got close, I slowly fell in love with her. But I didn't know about my sexuality yet, I was still very much confused. It took me 2 years to get comfortable with it.
And when I finally came out to her.."
I took a breath
"She just kissed me"
"Wait what?!"
"Yea I was shocked too bc she was in a relationship with a guy back then"
"And she stayed with him...he was an absolute dickhead but she saw something in him"
Emily laughed
"And when she broke up with him, I was there for her. I was secretly so happy" hahha
"I was waiting for the right moments to make a move"
"And I did"
"Oo tell me what did you do"
"I did something really cheesy" I say kinda embarrassed
"Now you gotta tell me" she said
" well when she was still with him, I wrote a song. Or actually re-wrote a song " I waited to build the suspension
" I wrote the gay version of jolene"
Emily laughed
"And I sang it to her. And it was so bad but she said yes"
( I put to song in in the beginning if you wanne listen to )
emily has no idea that I just wanted to commit before she came in.
She stopped me without knowing
Emily continued looking through the box and found my old year book foto's.
"Wow you look so different here, you were so small" she means as In skinny
Right thanks bc I was trying to starve myself at the time
"Em could you actually maybe stop, I don't want to go all the way down memorie lane"
She respected it and backed the box back up.
I'm really glad she didn't find the chubby pictures of me from middle school. If she had put 2 and 2 together she would have found out
And she can't know
After that I went to sleep
YOU ARE READING
criminalminds x reader
Fanfiction⚠️tw⚠️ mental health issue's such as sh, depression, Ed and suicide... y/n garcia penelope's sister has been with the bau for 1 year. she's a very private person but now, her mental health caves in after another lose in her life. everyone will see h...
