criminalminds x reader

chapter 63

The day was over. I packed up my stuff and went into Emily's office.

But she was long gone.
I walk back into the bullpen.
"Has anyone seen emily?" I asked
"Yea she left about 20 minutes ago"
Rossi answered.

"She said she had a suprise for you at her apartment" jj said with a wink.
I was nervous about it bc of the cuts

"I need a ride tho. I kinda walked here last night"
Penelope walked out.

"I'll drop you off"
She said.
We got in the car.
"Can you actually drop me off at my place I need to get some stuff first"
She nodded.
"You need a little leg shave first for your hot night" I laugh awkwardly.
"What's wrong?" She asked.
I sigh.

"Eem when em and rossi told us about hotch I eem I relapsed" Penelope sighed.
"Em wrote this nice note so I wouldn't cut but I ignored it and did it anyway. And I haven't told her yet. But if were going to have sex she will notice."

"Ow pumpkin. When someone is in recovery set backs are normally. Same with your Ed. Emily knows that. She won't be mad. Just talk to her about it" We arrived at my place since it wasn't so far from the office if your with a car.

"I'm just afraid I won't get to chance to talk much" I say laughing.
"It's going to be okay" she rubbs my back
"Your a great big sister did you know that" I smile at her.
"O I heard that once or twice" she smiles.
I walk out into my apartment. And put on the lingerie underneath my clothes. I do a kick shave and call emily.

Babe💘: hey beautiful. Are you almost home?
Y/n: yea I just came to grab to ny apartment to grab some more clean clothes. I eem want to say something first tho.
Babe💘: is everything okay?
Y/n: ye its just I thought I'd let you now before I won't get the chance to talk
*I laugh*
When eem you told me about hotch I-I relapsed.

Babe💘: ow

Y/n: im really sorry. I saw the note but I barely read it bc I-i just didn't want to feel my hurt in that moment. I just thought I'd tell you before you find out yourself. Are you mad?

Babe💘: what? Ofc I'm not mad. I put that note bc I knew you would be attracted to it again. I understand that getting better is not just a decision you can make and all of a sudden your fine. Now come to my apartment so we can have fun instead of these lovely but heavy conversations.

I laugh.
Y/n: I love you.

I end the phone call and drive off to Emily's apartment.
I open the door with my keys.
And see emily like this:

"Wow that's...wow" was my response.

She gets up and walks over to me.
"Now let me convince you how beautiful you are"

She takes of my top and noticed my lingerie.
"Oo I love the red one"

Yk what happens next.

"That was amazing like always" I smile at emily as we snuggle eachother.

We got in the shower together. Emily was washing her hair while I shaved my legs.
"Yk I just realised 2 things actually "
I say to her as I continued to shave my legs. Em was rinsing her hair.
"What's that?"
She asked me while facing the ceiling and running her fingers through her gorgeous dark hair.
"It's been 6 months since my last attempt and...we've been together for 2" she faces me while the shampoo runs down her body. I put my shaving razor down and also turn to her.

Em kissed me abruptly. Tasting like her coconut shampoo.
"I'm proud of you" she says to me. Hearing her say that makes me smile.
"I just wish I could stay clean aswell"
I say looking down. The hot water continues to run down on us and shampoo drips out of em's hair.

She lifted my face up and said "Hey give yourself some credit were its due. Everyday you decide to fight and get up put of bed is a day won. You don't struggle with deppresion, deppresion struggles with you"
Her comment made me smile.

"Can I say something that could potentially scare you?"
I say to em.
She looks at me confused and grabs my body.
"What If I told you I want to move in together "
She looks at me shocked.
"I know we've only been together for a 2 months now. But...that 1 night away from you....I want to be with you as much as I can. Just you, me and Sergio"
She smiles at me.
"Yes"
Is all she says before kissing me again.
We finish our shower. And em decided to cook.

I got nervous to eat especially since she's going to keep an eye on me now.
I decided to take my anxiety meds and them sat down at the table.

Em gave me a plate. It's chicken with some potatoes. She also gave me a salad on the side
"I want you to try and just eat your chicken and potatoes but of its difficult you can eat some of the salad"
I look em in the eye trying hard to hold in my tears. Just the fact that she knows now makes this so much more difficult. I don't want to disappoint her.
"Do I have to eat the potatoes" I look pleading at her.
"Ow honey I know it's hard but please try some. Atleast 2 potatoes"
She says taking my hand.

I pour myself some water and cut the chicken in pieces. Em already started eating.
I start with a few tomatoes from my salad and take a few pieces of chicken.
"Your doing great" em says.
I look up at her trying to hold in my tears again.

"I know you're trying to help and I love you for that but would it be okay if I put headphones on? It helps calm my thoughts"
She agreed.
I walk into the bedroom and take my phone and headphones. I let out a few tears, wipe them and move back to the dinning table.

I put on a calming playlist and put the volume at 70%. So I'm more focused on the lyrics than my thoughts.

I eat 1 potato then the second.
Emily smiles at me but I don't feel so happy. All I can think about is those calories.

I turn to my salad and em noticed I didn't touch anything els.
"Y/n I'm so proud of you. I know its hard but pls Try to finish the chicken"

I hated this. Even when i eat infront of em to show I was 'fine' I didn't eat that much. Mostly just played around with it.
Tears fall from my face and I take off my headphones as emily gets up from the table to hug me.
I cry into her arms and she comforts me.

Told me it was okay and put away my plate after I calmed down. I was so exhausted and felt so guilty. So I decided to sleep. Bc when your asleep you don't feel anything.