criminalminds x reader

chapter 25

Tw talk of sh, suicide ans drugs

I heard a knock on the door.
Which woke me up, but I didn't want to open my eyes.

"Y/n your therapist is here"
Spencer said

Nooo I don't want to talkkkk
Ughhhhh

"Y/n are you awake?" She asked as she lifted up my blinds.

"Mhhh" I groined and put my arm over my eyes.
She opened up a window and sat herself down.

"I'm off the work. Will you text me when you leave?" Spencer asked doctor blakely
"I have the whole day off so imma be here for awhile. But I'll let you know"

Spencer handed me my anxiety medication with some orange juice and left for work.

" do you maybe want to go sit on the couch so we can talk?" She asked

"I don't want to get up"
I turned on my back, took my pil and I lower myself again.

"How come"
I already got very emotional before I could even say anything.

" I just, I can't. Somedays I'm just to exhausted. I cant get out of bed, I can't get up to go eat something.
It's just really really hard to even move. I'm just so exhausted all the time. And umm. I cant do anything "
I was fully crying, I turned my head away from doctor blakely not wanting her to look at me.

"Is that what happend in that month"
I nodded my head.

"I didn't even cut for a few days bc I just couldn't get up. It's like I was stuck" I took my pillow in between my arms and hugged it while my tears fell down

"Could you tell me more about that period? What made you leave?"

" my sister penelope had made a party that I was a week clean. But I wasn't I lied to her bc I didn't want to disappointed her but I did anyway.
I felt ashamed and guilty, so I ran away.
I wanted to kill myself but I knew Spencer would follow me behind and I didnt want anyone to see me."

I went on the explain about all my suicide attempts and just what happend during that month.

Doctor blakely noticed it was really hard for me so she decided I needed a break.

"Have you eaten breakfast yet?"
She asked. I shook my head and she walked out in the kitchen.
She walked back in with a banana.

"Here eat this"

I slowly ate the banana
"Can you stop staring at me. I know you read my file but you don't have to check whether I actually swallow my food" I was kinda annoyed at this. I already didn't like that people looked at me while I ate.

"How did you know?"
"Well bc of how you stair"
I responded, she stopped staring at me and I finished my banana.

"Oke, I know its alot to ask but could you maybe try to get up and go take a shower and brush your teeth "
She asked politely

I just told you I'm to exhausted

"I cant"

"You just need motivation, and well if you don't I could send you to a pshycward"

"You won't without my concent."
I Knew she wouldn't, or she would have done it already.

"Can you try y/n?"
I stair at the ceiling and let out a big sigh.
If I ever want to live again. I'm going to Need to get up. And if this continues she will probably send me to that pshycward.

I slowly got up and felt really weak.
Doctor blakely helped me into the bathroom.
"Hey I'm proud of you"
She handed me some clean clothes.
And I got in the shower.

I looked down at my body and all of the damage. I started to cry as I rubbed the shampoo in my hair.

I'm so tired

I washed my hair and body ans got into a clean set of clothes.
I didn't feel like actually brushing my teeth so I just used mouth wash.

I got out of the bathroom and immediately went back to bed.

"Did you brush your teeth?" She asked
"I used mouth wash"

"That's oke. This was a really big step y/n. I know it probably took alot. So I'll let you rest a little bit."

I felt really confused about this.
On 1 hand I felt proud of myself, bc it took alot. On the other hand I felt stupid that It was so hard for me to do something so easy.

I closed my eyes when my phone pinged.

Bau group chat:

Spence🧠: @ y/n doctor blakely told me you got up and took a shower. We're really proud of you

Em💘: I know it must have been really hard so give yourself some credit oke.

Y/n: thanks guys. I'm sorry I worried you all. I listened to my voice mail. Thanks for all the kind words.
@ em💘 I really appreciate everything you said. Appreciate all of you.

Papa rossi: were here for you kid.

I turned of my phone and took a nap.
I was woken up by a knock on the door.

"Y/n sorry to wake you again. Its time for lunch. Doctor reid told me there were left overs from yesterday so I warmed up a plate"
She handed me the plate and utensils.
I thanked her and ate all the food.

"What are you going to eat?" I asked.
"Ow I already ate, I brought my own. Thanks for the concern"
I handed over my plate and she went to put it away.

"Do you feel like talking again?"
I wanted to say no but I knew I had to so i just nodded my head.

"What did you think when you read my file?" I asked.

"That you went through alot. Losing so many people, and even a few to drugs and suicide "

When I was in high-school and started to get in trouble I made a few friends that way. We would sneak out of school to do drugs. Stuff like Lsd and weed, nothing to heavy for me.
Alot of those friends, had a ruff home situation. 2 of en were actually homeless, 1 ran away and the other was stuck in foster care so he decided to just lice in his car.
Eva was part of this friend group aswell.
The most troubled once ended up oding or an otherway of suicide.
Other kids moved away or got expeld so eventually it was just ne and Eva.

"You went through alot and you didn't know how to deal with. That's what I thought "

The whole day was basically one long session.

When it was about 5 pm, Spencer came home so she was about to leave.

Spencers pov:

I'm back at y/n apartment.
"How did it go" I asked doctor blakely.

"She got out if bed and took a shower as you know, which is a is thing. She ate both breakfast and lunch.
She also talked to me, she had to take a fee breaks sometimes. But I really think she can get through this. As long as you and her friends keep supporting her and she continues therapy. I dont think its necessary to pit her into a mental hospital "

I was very relieved to hear that.