this love ☼ dreamnotfound

{ 25 }

"what?"

the distressed expression on george's face and the tone of his voice made a crack in clay's heart, which threatened to shatter at any second. he began to explain, "i just need some space right now."

george could tell clay wasn't being fully honest. "did something happen? did i..." he trailed off before asking, "is this because of jace? clay, i'll stop talking to him if it's upsetting you this much."

"i don't want to make you do that," clay expressed. "i trust you more than i trust anyone, okay?"

"i don't understand," george protested. deep down, he knew exactly why clay was doing this.

"i have to figure some things out for myself," clay disclosed, "this whole thing with you and jace is just showing me how insecure i am, and i want to work on that." he added, "and i'm not exactly holding up well with sapnap being gone- my emotions are all over the place."

"clay, i'll tell jace to stop," george promised. "i swear. i should've done it sooner i just needed someone to talk to and i didn't want to dump everything on you and hurt you and-," george cut himself off when he realized how fast he was talking. shakily, he spoke, "i don't want to lose you."

"you're not losing me, baby," clay comforted. the pet name lit a spark of hope in george. he brought his hand up to cup george's face. "you didn't do anything wrong. i just don't trust jace and i don't trust myself, and i don't want to end up..." he couldn't find a way to describe what he feared. "i don't know."

"if you're worried about hurting me, don't be," george told with furrowed eyebrows and a scrunching nose. his tone started to get more stern as his anxiety skyrocketed, "i've been through hell, okay? nothing you could do would ever hurt me as much as you think it would. please, clay."

clay's hand dropped from george's face. he persisted, "just give me a week. if i haven't sorted myself out by then, we'll go from there."

"i want to help you," george begged with a whine in his voice. he hated this desperate feeling, but he couldn't bare to lose the person who had changed his life and made it better than he could've ever imagined.

"you can't," clay declared more harshly than he intended.

george opened his mouth to argue, but when he tried to speak, the words wouldn't come out. he was speechless.

they both just stared at each other with a hurricane of emotions in their eyes.

"okay," george settled. his voice raised, "go figure out why you're tearing yourself apart over nothing."

"george."

"i'm sorry." he paused. "i didn't mean that. i'm sorry." there was regret and sincerity laced into his tone; he had a bad habit of speaking impulsively.

clay started to stand up, knowing that it would be best to just leave the conversation at that before it could get any worse. he would explain more when they weren't both so fragile. he nodded as if he accepted george's apology, but he wasn't sure if he did. this was far from nothing.

"clay," george pleaded. he didn't try too hard, knowing that his attempts would be useless.

clay walked towards the door with firm posture and his head down. george felt his heart drop when he watched his boyfriend reach for the doorknob.

"see you in a week, george."

just like that, he was gone.

george immediately started to beat himself up; why didn't he tell clay he was already planning on cutting things off with jace? why didn't he assure him that there was nothing to worry about? why did he even start talking to jace in the first place?