ME & THE MONSTER

the Carrowses

I answered the phone on the second ring, grinning. If neither of us was busy, Vanessa and I were in the habit of phoning each other up at ten o'clock, every other day, for a good, gossipy chat.

"Whorequeen and Whoresupreme, the old firm. How can I help you?" I said, slouching further down my bed. I was planning to be as lazy as possible this Saturday morning. "Hunks chained and bound, slander spread, arses spanked."

There was a puzzling stretch of silence on the other end of the line. Then the static filled with the sound of someone bursting out laughing.

"Vanessa? Vanessa!"

I was struck by a sudden, horrible suspicion. Very gingerly I dragged the phone away from my cheek and looked down at the screen.

Vanessa's name did not appear on it.

"You know something, Laurel?" I told my stuffed pony. "Life is a bitch."

I sighed, then held the damn thing to my ear again, pink in the face. "Hey."

"I must confess that's the most original and enthusiastic way anyone's ever greeted me," Kal Mellketh said. "Loved it."

I giggled despite myself. "I know. I regret to inform you we don't, er, deliver those, er, services, in fact."

"Pity," Kal said. He was still sniggering, the bastard. "Tempting as those sound, I was actually going to suggest if you felt like meeting up for coffee this afternoon. I know just the place."

I hesitated. Triumphant as I'd felt last Friday when we'd exchanged numbers, I'd come to my senses the morning after, thankfully.

What was I doing? I'd done exactly what I was certain he'd expected of me – join his well-supplied collection of fawning women. No, I refused to be part of it. I wouldn't last past date one, and he was bound to be the kind of guy who got a kick out of having girls on a string.

Besides, there was Ben to think of. I didn't want to dump him when all he'd proved to be was kind and intelligent. Well, mostly. Even if he was a bit patronising. And boring. And so serious.

"Rae?" Kal said.

I swallowed, ignoring the urge in my body to agree to his plans and to see him as soon as possible. Hearing his voice was an acute reminder of how strongly I was attracted to him.

But there's something – wrong – about him, isn't there? Lisa piped up in my head. Something you can't quite put your finger on. Careful, now. Be very careful.

"Can't. I'm busy this afternoon," I stammered, and waited, in agony. I just wanted the conversation to be over.

"Alright. Next week, then. I should be able to squeeze you in next week."

This was it. I steeled myself.

"Look, Kal – I don't think this is actually a good idea. Us hanging out, I mean."

There was a beat.

"Rae, I'm not going to kidnap you or anything, you know." He sounded wry.

"Um. I just don't think it is."

"Right," he said, and the smile had slid from his voice altogether. "See you around, then."

"See you," I whispered, and hung up on him.

*

My parents' home had many doors.

The one I was standing at, ringing the bell, for instance, was called Frida. She thought of herself very highly indeed, what with being the front door and all. She insisted that we bow to her every time we arrive, otherwise she wouldn't open.