ME & THE MONSTER

shatter

I knew what I had to do.

"Rae," said Kal, eyes widening at the sight of me on his threshold.

Hardly forty-eight hours had passed since we'd last since each other, but it seemed so long ago. So much had happened in such a short time.

Kal stepped aside to let me through his front door. He was wearing a baggy T-shirt and jeans that sported holes on the knees, but he could have been dressed in rags and he would have still looked like the most beautiful creature in the world to me. 

"I told you not to come looking for me," Kal said. "Can't you see I'm dead worried that we might be seen or traced?"

I looked up at him, my stomach churning.

I could do it. I had to do it. There was no other way. I looked at him, aching at the sweet familiarity of his features, and forced the words out of my mouth.

"We've got to talk, Kal."

He sighed.

"I don't like the sound of that. Come in, then. You've caught me in the middle of a serious cleaning session, but we'll go straight to my bedroom, okay? The lads are home; I don't want them poking their noses in our stuff."

I nodded, then followed him through the cramped hall and into the main corridor. An odd combination of smells filled the flat: cigarette stench, roasting chicken, washing-up liquid. The living room rang with the sound of male voices, which stopped as we walked past, then rose again.

"Hey, mate, don't we get to meet that famous girlfriend of yours? Come along and join us; Man U are playing."

Kal poked his head in. "You don't. We're going to my room; if anyone barges in I won't make curry again for a year. You've been warned, you lot."

Then he made straight for his bedroom, waited for me to enter, and closed the door behind me. I sat down next to him on the edge of his bed, fiddling with the duvet. It was patterned with green frogs.

Kal turned to look at me.

"So," he said.

I swallowed the huge lump in my throat.

"So," I croaked, and the tension in me had built up so that I'd burst if I waited a second longer. Before I could chicken out, I blurted: "Kal, we can't do this anymore."

His blue eyes narrowed.

"What can't we do anymore?"

Oh Hell. This wasn't going to be easy.

"This," I said. My voice was shaking. I couldn't believe I was doing this. I was doing the right thing, though, wasn't I? Wasn't I? "Us."

His whole face contorted in shock.

"What? Why?"

Deep breath.

"I saw the look on your face the other day when you, you know ... rescued me from that angel. I saw the pain in your eyes. I saw how much it cost you to reach that decision. To – to turn on your own kind," I managed to say.

Kal wasn't looking at me now. He was staring at the floor, an oddly blank expression on his face.

"I won't let you turn into a traitor," I whispered. "I won't let myself turn you into a traitor. I don't think I could live with the knowledge that I was the one responsible for that."

He looked up. 

"You saved me first."

I tried to smile. Oh, that hadn't been easy either.