ME & THE MONSTER

ever after

The man who sat slumped against my front door was asleep. He was wearing a bright blue Donald Duck scarf and his head lolled forward, hiding his face.

But I didn't need to look at his face to know who he was. I would have known him among a million people. Across time and space. He was my end, and my beginning, and all the things between them.

I kneeled down in front of him, my heart thumping. 

"Kal," I whispered, unsure what to do.

Should I – should I just shake him awake? And what on earth was he doing here?

I raised a hand and touched his shoulder, and a second later, he let out a grunt, stirred. He lifted his head and blinked at me, drowsy. I blinked back at him, my insides icy with renewed terror. What if he didn't remember me?

But then Kal straightened against the door.

He said, in a voice thickened with sleep and wonder: "Rae. Oh, Rae, Rae, Rae. Thank Gods. I've been praying and praying."

He dashed forward, making the box on his lap topple over, and pulled me into a hug so tight it hurt. But I didn't let go, and neither did he. I rested my chin on his coat-covered shoulder and breathed into him, all the glorious kalness of him. He smelt of skies swollen with rain, of lemon trees in summer. When we broke apart, we were both breathless.

"Kal," I mumbled. "You never pray."

Kal smiled. It made my heart leap into my throat.

"Well, there's always a first time for everything," he said. "I've been praying to whichever damned gods could be bothered to listen. To selfish gods, and to benevolent ones. To the ones I despise, and the ones who despise me. I didn't give a flying fuck. I just wanted you back. Well, back, and whole, and safe, and sound."

"And I am," I said, trying to sound chirpy, but halfway through my voice faltered. I'd been through too much in too short a time. "Back, whole, safe, sound."

He cupped my face in his hands. I felt myself turn liquid at his touch. "And since I can see you and know perfectly well who you are, I guess the curse hasn't worked at all."

"My flatmate," I said, mind still reeling. "I helped him, in a fire, the other day. Do you think that had something to do with it?"

Kal appraised me for a moment. "You did? Rae, you're marvellous. I always knew you were made of fine stuff. And yeah, you can rest assured it had something to do with it. Spontaneous kindness to a human? Check. Creation of a bond between you? Check. He's indebted to you, Rae. How could he ever forget you? The curse dissolved, of course."

I sat cross-legged on the cold floor, digesting this.

"It would've been the death of me, too, that curse," Kal whispered. "I've been worried sick, Rae, looking for you all over London. Wondering where on earth you could be."

I hesitated. "Kal, your friend Eden – she –"

Kal closed his eyes. I saw a spasm of pain tremble across his face, followed by a flash of anger.

"I know. I know what happened. Eden told me herself. She tried to attack me too, as a matter of fact." He lifted his left hand for me to see. It was trembling, and there was something ever so slightly odd about it. "I'm so, so sorry, Rae. I'm sorry that you had to go through that, that you were nearly Forgotten. It was all my fault."

How could he blame himself?

"It wasn't, of course it wasn't."

"Yes, it was," Kal said, in grim tones. "I should've known that Eden would smell a rat sooner or later. I was warned about it, for goodness' sake. And all the while," – he shook his head, lowered his eyes – "god, all the while I thought it was you who wasn't to be trusted. How can I have been so thick?"

I stared. "Me?"

Kal shifted uncomfortably, gazing down at his boots. A pale fleck of chewing gum had stuck to the right sole.

"Um, yeah. Sorry. Shit, I don't know why I said that." He groaned. "Of course I trust you. Forget I said anything."

I let out a laugh, marvelling at our stupidity. We'd been so scared.

"It's okay, Kal. Actually, there were moments when I thought I couldn't trust you," I said. "And sometimes – sometimes," Oh Hell, was I going to say this? I had to say this, rip it out of me, this dark thing that lived inside me and didn't let me sleep. My own private demon. I made myself say it. "Sometimes I thought I couldn't trust myself."

Kal only looked at me. The lightbulb overhead flickered.

"I've been terrified, Kal," I said. "Terrified that my true nature might slip up and cause me to harm you. I've been watching myself so carefully. I don't know what I'd do if I ever hurt you."

"Easy. You'd never hurt me. Simple as that," said Kal. "I know it in my bones."

He picked up the box from the floor. "Hey, I got something for you. I know you're not big on chocolates, so I got you cheese. Finest Italian selection."

"Oh my fricking unicorns. I love it. Thank you, thank you, thank you. We'll have to try it now for dinner." I paused. "Kal?"

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry," I told him. I felt lighter than I'd felt in weeks, no, years. "I'm sorry I broke us up. I wanted to protect us, but now I realise I was wrong. I can't live without you. I don't want to live without you. We're – we're," I hoped he didn't think I was being overdramatic, but the words would have spilt out of me anyway. "We're perfect together."

"We are," said Kal, and my heart lifted. "It's like those weirdo beings said at the park. Good and evil, they balance each other out. You can't have one without the other." There was so much tenderness in his face. "I don't care if it's us against the world, Rae. I don't care if I'm the biggest filthiest traitor that there ever was. We'll manage. We can move abroad, start over. Lie low for a while."

I laughed, giddy with joy. "Yes! Yes." I surveyed the cheese box, and a doubt sprung up in my mind. "Er, Kal. You didn't -- ?"

He shook his head. "I didn't nick it, if that's what you mean. Bought that one for you, another one for my family. I'm a reformed man now." He looked wry as he grinned. "It's the least I can do to win you back."

The lightbulb on the ceiling flickered once more. It sputtered, then went out, plunging the hall into darkness.

"Crap. I've gone blind, darling," muttered Kal.

I smiled, my demon sight instantly adjusted to the blackness. I touched Kal's lips with a finger.

"You needn't win me back," I said, in the dark. "I was always yours."

And then I knew that if I stayed by his side, everything would be all right.