The Boss (Gwendoline Christie x oc)

Paparazzi (tw)

Tw: anxiety/panic attacks, mention of sh, intrusive thoughts

After the success of season 2, Game Of Thrones was renewed for a third season. But in-between the premiere and the read through, I'd won another BAFTA for one of my films.

All the cast were happy for me except, you know who. I'd arrived at the read through and she grimaced as she sat next to me.

"Why are you so sad?" She snarls

"Just tired, please domt waste away worrying about me." I tease and she just ignores me.

The read through went well except when I saw Gwendoline smirk because she kills off my character. I knew as I had discussed this with George R.R Martin and the producers, I had some hefty upcoming projects that needed my full attention and I couldn't do that to the show.

A few weeks later, it was time to return to set. My anxiety was getting bad again even though everything was going well for once.

On the way, I stopped off to grab some breakfast, I didn't expect to be this hungry. I grabbed a packet of waffles and a coffee but someone noticed me.

As more people noticed me, I could feel my chest becoming tight, my knees weak and my legs shaking. My body guard was in the car as I didn't want to attract attention. I had no way of calling her as I was surrounded.

As I felt the tears brimming, I shoved my way through the crowd and found a 50 in my pocket. I slammed it down in front of the cashier and sprinted out the shop.

And it was just my luck that the paparazzi were outside. Luckily, Alex, my bodyguard  had noticed me and escorted me back to the car.

Once we were driving, she opened the waffles and helped me eat them, while sipping on my coffee.

After a while I calmed down. I noticed my sleeves had rolled up a bit. Although  they were nearly healed, the scars were still noticeable. I had always worn long sleeves since age 16 due to my scars.

As a teen, I was very stressed and anxious. Everything felt like too much a lot of the time. At the age of 16, I made an attempt on my life. It was unsuccessful as my dad had found me. He was incredibly worried and rushed me to the hospital.

Since I refused to go to therapy, he insisted on coming everywhere with me or vice versa. Although I was starting to heal internally, sometimes it was still all too much.

Now at 31, I was 7 years clean. Out in public, I opted to wear long sleeves everywhere. Either turtlenecks in the winter, thin cardigans in the spring and flowy dresses in the summer.

The doctors said the scars were never to be gone but they would fade over time. Far away, no one could see them but close up, they were still noticable. They made me feel insecure anyway.

I finally agreed to therapy and ended up opening up about everything to her, and she was very understanding. She gave me different excersises to distract me when I was anxious and it did help somewhat

A couple of times on set, I did admit to my therapist that I thought of jumping off of high buildings or doing a dangerous stunt and undoing the harness or whatever safety feature.

That's why I had to have someone with me at all times, whether it was my dad, a friend or Alex, someone wad there. And it was usually Alex. She was like one of my best friends.

As we arrived, I was immediately pulled into a hug by no one other than Nikolaj.

"The pictures, I saw." He whispers.

"What?" You pull away,looking confused.

"Pictures of you with Alex, you crying, running, the people. And there's a picture of your arms." He says angrily. Nikolaj knew about the scars, he'd accidentally seen them but I trusted him and told him everything.

"Oh." I say quietly, feeling like I was going to explode.

Soon a couple of others came over, but it was scary, I was already very overwhelmed.

Nikolaj pulls me away to a secluded corner. Soon I see Gwendoline walking, not noticing I was in his arms.

"Nikolaj, let's go we have a scene." She tugs at his sleeve.

He looks down at me and I shake my head, I needed comfort.

"Tell them I'll be there soon I'm busy." He turns offering her a smile.

"Your late already, they aren't happy."

"Well I'm busy!" He snaps and I saw she was quite shocked by his reaction.

She stays silent for a minute.

"She looks ok now, let's go."

"She's not Gwendoline and you have no clue about what just happened so fuck off!"

"Nikolaj, please."

"No!"

"Bitch." She mutters.

Getting some burst of confidence, I turn to face her.

"You don't get to talk to him like that, he was helping me bacuse I was having a panic attack you idiot, get some manners otherwise my father will deal with you."

"Always running to daddy aren't we because we are to scared of confrontation." She mocks.

I so badly wanted to slap her but for some reason, I started panicking again. Is that how people see me? A daddies girl?

I had nothing to stop the attack and collapsed into Nikolaj's arms. I felt him tug my sleeves down hastily, probably having rolled up.

"Tell them I will be there soon and that Olivia isn't filming today." He says in an angry whisper.

I heard her sigh but turn and walk away.

I heard my phone start to ring and Nikolaj answers.

"Hello?"

"Oh Hello Mr Spielberg."

1008 words

Not much Gwendoline but more background and another plot line for later :) but if any of you struggle with any sort of mental health I'm here, I might not understand what you are going through exactly but ive had my fair share of struggles so I know what it feels like.