The Boss (Gwendoline Christie x oc)

Goodbye (major tw)

Olivia's pov

"If you are going to be like this you should just quit and never come back, it would make all our lives easier!" Gwendoline yelled, instantly filling me with more anxiety and pain.

If she didn't want me around, like everyone else, I would just leave, permanently.

I rushed back to my new apartment I had purchased and ran to the bathroom, locking the door and grabbing the closest blade I could find.

(Major tw: skip past if uncomfortable I will put when it ends)

I rolled up my sleeves and unwrapped the bandages Nikolaj had put on for me earlier. He knew, he'd tried to help me when I relapsed after years about a few months ago. But he couldn't. My anxiety was starting to overwhelm me and I was so exhausted.

It became worse when I started receiving hate comments about my body and weight. Out of the thousands of nice ones, those were the only ones I could see.

I started starving myself, making my temper short and my exhaustion worse. The only was to release the pain was to cut. The pain felt nice. A release.

But when Gwendoline told me that I should just leave forever, I decided that my time on earth had come to a close. No one needed me here, so why should I stay.

I bought the blade down and cut through all the new scars, vertically. I knew if I cut like that, I would definitely die. I felt happy, for the first time in months, I was finally happy.

I watched the blood flow grow faster as more spilled out my arm.

I began to feel lightheaded and dizzy and just as I was about to bring the blade down on my.other arm, Nikolaj was yelling through the door.

"OLIVIA, ARE YOU OK?" He yelled.

I wasn't. I didn't want to go alone I decided.

I managed to crawl to the door and opened it before falling backwards. Nikolaj saw the blood covering the floor and fell on his knees next to me.

"Why?" Tears came to his eyes.

"She said I should leave forever." I whispered.

"Who?"

"Her." I managed before it all went black.

I thought I was dead, finally.

But I wasn't.

(End)

I woke up to bright lights and my dad watching over me.

"Olivia, oh you are alright!" He gasps and Nikolaj appeared on the otherside of me.

"Why did you save me? I wanted to die." I croaked.

"We couldn't lose you Olivia, you are my best friend." Nikolaj whispers, tears spilling over.

"Olivia why didn't you tell me, Nikolaj here says you relapsed a few months ago?" My dad whispers softly.

"I felt useless, I was in so much pain, it felt like everyone in the world hates me. I know Gwendoline does."

"She doesn't Olivia, she's been here everyday." Nikolaj says.

"Liar, she was the one who pushed me over the edge!"

I wanted to hit Nikolaj but my arms were too heavy.

"Does everyone hate me?" I whispered

"No Olivia, they were worried, you were either so angry or tired that no one knew what was happening, they all love you." Nik smiles, making me smile a little.

I had to speak to a psychologist and some other boring shit that I didn't want to be doing.

They wanted to put me on the psych ward but my dad refused and that was the end of it. It is sometimes nice to have a famous dad.

A few days later they allowed me to leave but the dreaded happened. Of course there would be news reporters but I didn't expect this many, I was overwhelmed.

I lost my dad as my vision blurred and I started to feel dizzy. They were all yelling at me asking questions about it.

I felt two arms grip me and assuming it was my dad or Nikolaj, I just let them hold me.

They helped me to my car and helped me in before leaving. I tugged their sleeve and they gave in and climbed in with me.

"Thank you." I murmured and rested my head on their chest. They had boobs. Wait.

I look up to see Gwendoline.

"What are you doing here?" I snapped.

"I was coming to see you with Nik as we didn't know you were being discharged today. I saw all the reporters and panicked. I saw your dad rushing around looking for someone, you. I pushed through and made sure you were ok." She shrugged.

"Ok thanks I guess but why did you come, I've been horrible and you said yourselfthat life wouldbe easier without me."

"I was concerned, like you were sad all the time or just had lots of anger and when Nik told me, I was worried."

The driver pulls away.

I decide to break the silence.

"The reason I've been so out of it and angry was exhaustion. I relapsed a few months ago and I was also starving myself, I've had a bad fight with food over the years. Everything just became too much and I was pushed over the edge." I started to cry, curling up into a ball.

"It's ok, I'm so sorry about everything I said, I shouldn't say stuff like that, I was just tried and annoyed." She sighed, looking at me apologetically.

" I'm sorry for being so rude to you. I just needed to take my anger out on someone and you were my easiest target." Among other reasons. I wasn't going to tell her it was jealously. And I definitely wasn't going to tell her about that dream, having it was bad enough.

I  started to think what it would be like if we were together. Curled up in her arms, being comforted by her. Kisses, hugs, falling asleep watching cheesy rom-coms.

But she had Giles. God how badly I wanted to be him.

"We are here." The driver said.

"Thank you." Gwendoline nods.

We got out the car and I realised we were at my dad's house, well one of them.

"Gwen, don't you need to get home?" I turned to face the giant, wiping away the last of my tears.

"Well someone needs to look after you, Nik's in Denmark for a few days and your dad has to go to France so they asked me. I agreed." She shrugged casually and we walked inside.

I decided to show her the house. I took the master bedroom and she chose the guest bedroom right next to me. There was even a door connecting the rooms from when I was a little kid and we stayed here more often.

"I'll come visit you." Gwendoline smiles

She really was going to be the death of me.

1140 words

This was a really intense chapter and thank you for reading. I kind of wanted to show the personality side of being suicidal and how a person can still he working/ trying to live a normal life, right up until the attempt. I'm always here for you guys. ❤️