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NAGI NEVER apologized for their fight. Reo doubted the other considered it as such but it hurt, and like any other fight, it had consequences.
It set off a whole breakdown, and with it, some forced introspection. By the following week, Reo had already made up his mind.
Listening to Chris' worried voice across the phone, hearing him say 'Kid, you can't just ignore me. At least let me know you won't come,' made him realize he was bringing Chris down with him, stressing him over nothing. Nagi said Reo had let everything get to him, but now Reo understood he had no reason to keep fighting that pressure. He lost this battle long ago, at least in everyone else's eyes, and he couldn't just drag someone else along because of stubbornness.
So, why should he keep skating? What made it so important? So what if he's lost a piece of himself on that ice? He wasn't willing to lose anything else again. Reo thought about it over the entire month. It was hard to keep going without anyone cheering at his corner, not even himself.
Fuck figure skating, he concluded. Even if he quit, nothing could get any worse. At least here in Japan, he's exhausted all his resources.
When Reo told Chris he couldn't keep practicing with him, Chris seemed understanding but disappointed. Reo had laid awake for most of the night, shifting in bed and attempting to forget the way Chris had looked at him. He had only fallen asleep once the pills were in his system. But the following morning another obstacle arose; he found that he was unable to break the news to his other coach. Chris had found him frozen in front of Ego's office, and he told Reo he would tell Ego about him quitting if Reo preferred it that way. Reo must have seemed visibly relieved because Chris found it safe enough to say:
"Look, I know it's a long shot, but if you ever end up in Toronto or London, hit me up. I have some contacts in both cities if you ever wanna skate again..."
Reo had blinked, shocked by the proposal. Dropping figure skating had already broken his heart, and somehow Chris thought Reo would be able to survive it a second time?
"I don't think I'll ever..."
"Hey, don't feel obligated, it's not a big deal," Chris smiled. His eyes crinkled at the corners, and Reo couldn't turn his offer down when he looked like that. "But I think skaters like us can't stay away from the ice for too long."
Skaters like us. Reo had only nodded. He let Chris do the talking with Ego, and his Blue Lock jacket has been dusting in the closet ever since. Reo kept it a secret for a while, unable to admit out loud that he had finally given up. He only had one more week before graduating and leaving, anyway.
