𓈊 Petal's Diary

Entry #17

eventually, i realised that there was no way for me to stop liking jimmy the way that i did, so i just accepted it and never told zach. i still feel like i was awful for it.

i remember going to a hot topic once for some new shirts since mine looked big and baggy on me. i was only getting a few, but i was eleven bucks short. fortunately, someone was able to spot me. unfortunately, that person was jimmy. and jimmy being jimmy, he invited me to hang out with him. except, super unfortunately, fwhip was with him.

"are you sure?" i had asked, fiddling with the plastic bag in my hand.

jimmy nodded. "a hundred percent." i couldn't ignore the was fwhip groaned from behind him. "no one likes to be by themselves, right?"

i stared at jimmy for a moment. "i... guess so..." i glanced over at fwhip. "i don't want to intrude, though."

fwhip hummed sarcastically. "how considerate," he said. "why don't you leave, then?" i knew he hated me.

jimmy gasped and turned to throw a light punch at fwhip's shoulder. "be nice!"

"you want me to be nice?" fwhip nearly yelled, nearly making me jump. "that asshole made you cry yesterday!" i looked down at the ground. i wanted to cry. "he said we weren't worth a second thought. why the hell would you ask me to be nice to him?"

jimmy paused. he didn't have a reason, and i knew it. there was no reason to be nice to me, not when i was... well, me. "because it's mean to be rude, that's why," jimmy said, surprising me. "and... i don't think he meant it." i looked up at him, confused. how did he know how i felt? nobody other than my drama teachers ever gave me that kind of attention before.

fwhip scoffed. "you're only saying that because you like him," he spat, and i winced. that wasn't something i expected, nor wanted, to hear. "guess what, jimmy? scott has a boyfriend, so get the hell over it. i don't understand your pining-"

i looked over at jimmy "what?"

"well," jimmy said to fwhip, "if you don't want to at least try to tolerate being with scott, you don't have to hang out with us."

"well, maybe i didn't want to hang out with you in the first place," fwhip retorted. "maybe i only came 'cause i'd be able to hang out with griian, joel, and lizzie. maybe, i don't even like you!" that last shout made both me and jimmy flinch.

jimmy nodded. "okay," he said, his voice small. "that's fine. you can go hang out with them, then. see if i care."

fwhip sighed. "jim, i'm sorry, i didn't mean-"

"no, i get it," jimmy interrupted. "you don't like me. maybe i don't like you, either." he turned away from both me and fwhip. "by the way, if you want to talk about assholes, you should take a look in the mirror." i watched in confusion as jimmy walked away. i didn't think someone like him could ever have trouble with his friends.

"why are you just standing there?" fwhip asked, drawing my attention. "you gonna follow him or not?"

i opened my mouth to talk but decided against it and rushed after jimmy. fwhip probably didn't want to talk to me anyway.