Entry #21

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TWs for cheating and sa. Stay safe, everyone <33

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i couldn't count on two hands the amount of times zach cheated on me. most of the time it was with girls, too, which (on top of him asking me to pretend to be a girl) made me think that maybe zach was only dating me because i looked more feminine than most other guys.

the first time i caught him cheating was the day after the romeo and juliet auditions. i was going to surprise him with a gift after his basketball practice to find him getting it on with one of the cheerleaders.

the second time, he cheated on me with joey. but i feel bad for joey because zach had it filmed and sent to a bunch of his friends, who spread it around even more. joey had been so upset about it that he didn't show up to school for a week.

the third time, he went to a nightclub and got wasted. i don't know how many unfortunate people he screwed in his time there, but he had come home talking about how hot everyone there was.

i conditioned myself to just accept it afterwards.

every time he cheated, he had some excuse saying he was seduced or drunk and taken advantage of or that he couldn't control himself around girls. every little excuse he used made me sick.

i wanted to scream in fear of him cheating on me whenever he told me he was going out, and i quickly became dependent on always being around him even though he hit me and raped me.

i was too afraid of him breaking my heart again.

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