it's just too hard

all this daytime drama makes me feel so alive

𝔱𝔯𝔦𝔤𝔤𝔢𝔯 𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 𝔩𝔦𝔰𝔱𝔢𝔡 𝔦𝔫 𝔬𝔭𝔢𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔞𝔲𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔯'𝔰 𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔢

☆

they say when you die, your life flashes before your eyes.

sapnap thinks that when a relationship dies, your memories do the same thing.

the world freezes like it's been put on pause and everything just stops. you can hardly feel your own pain because your brain can't catch up with anything besides the look of horror on the face of someone you once loved.

but that face staring back at you, jaw dropped and eyes wide, reminds you of every other memory.

sapnap also thinks that there should be a disclaimer that most of the memories that flash by in that fateful moment aren't good ones.

the good ones come later, he already knows that, when the regret seeps in. but he's not there yet, no, right now he's in this moment, eyes locked with karl's as they both soak in what just happened.

sapnap turns away from the other without thinking, going to pick up his hoodie, his phone, his- what else is his?

"sapnap, wait."

"fuck you," he spits without a second thought. "fuck you, karl. fuck you."

the brunette grabs his arm, spinning him back around. "sapnap please, it was an a-"

"that wasn't an accident, you cunt, fuck you," he curses, noticing how his vision is blurred with unshed tears. "fuck you."

"sapnap, babe, you need to calm down," karl speaks calmly, a gentle hand squeezing the ravenette's upper arm.

"don't fucking touch me," the ravenette hisses, wiping quickly at the tears as they fall. "don't, karl. don't you dare tell me to calm down after what you just fucking did!"

"sap, please, we can talk about this," karl says, reaching out to try and take sapnap's belongings out of his hands.

"fuck you," the ravenette says again. he turns quicker, pulling his arm out of karl's grip as he leaves the room. he can hear karl calling after him but, thank god, the brunette doesn't try to follow.

sapnap is just glad karl's parents aren't home because he probably looks like a right mess, allowing himself to sob as he pulls his shoes on, fumbling with his phone all the while, trying to open his contacts.

he needs help quickly and there's one person he knows he can always rely on. his safe person.

sapnap holds the phone to his ear as soon as he steps out of the house, closing the door behind him. he debates just waiting there but decides he should at least walk a little down the street so karl won't be able to see him out of one of his windows.

"hello?"

sapnap sobs out, simply at the other's voice. some part of his brain feels immediately calmed by the blonde's presence. "please," he says desperately. "please pick me up."