𝙫𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙨 | Lee Felix | Mafia

t w e n t y - s e v e n

He is standing in front of me with his hands in his pockets and a small smile glued to his face, and I find it impossible to resist him. He and I alone in the room, the heat of the room rising. My breathing becomes unbearable; it's almost suffocating. I grip the sheets so firmly that I suppose he notices it. Not only that, but the tension in the room, my irregular heartbeat, and my eyes fighting the urge to look away. Why am I feeling like this when he hasn't said a word besides greeting me? All he does is just stand in front of me. Joshua, this was a bad idea, and I'm not sure you were aware of it.

"How are you feeling?" He calmly asks. Should I be honest with you, Felix? Should I let you know what you do to me, how confused I am?

"I guess I'm good." He nodded at that and leaned back on the door, making himself comfortable, his hands still in his jeans pocket. Fuck. What is happening to me?

I don't return the question as I see a small bruise on his lip, barely noticeable but still there, and I can't lie to myself that I found it hot. It probably happened during the fight. Right, the fight. He must have injured himself elsewhere as well. He still saved me when I had given up hope of him rescuing me. I should thank him for saving me, even if I was mad at him for so many things.

"I'm glad to hear it then." He cracked a smile again that was hardly detectable. And it melts my heart even more.

"Thank you for saving me. I truly mean it." I did my best to return the smile.

"I know." He finally pulls himself away from the door and approaches the bed slowly. I gulp, remaining completely still, gripping the sheets even harder, letting my veins be visible. He takes a seat on the edge, not too close but not too far from me, keeping a comfortable distance between us.

"W-why didn't you tell me?" I dare to ask because I have to know. I gather my courage and confront him.

"What do you exactly mean?" He is so calm at this very moment, and I can't tell if he's being serious. Isn't it obvious to him then, huh?

"Don't play that with me. You exactly know what I mean, Felix. That time I saw the letter in your room, didn't you think I somehow figured out that it was my father? Why didn't you tell me it was his order right from the beginning, that protection you promised me? Why did you do it anyway?" I think I was a bit harsh, but I needed to let him know that it wasn't okay to play with me like that.

"Of course I knew it, what do you think? And it wasn't just a simple order, Aeri." His dark and intense gaze on me made me so uneasy, but I still continued.

"Don't take me for a fool! You signed a fucking contract to protect me, and you never mentioned a fucking word to me!" I didn't let him say anything. I just kept letting out what needed to be said. He had to know I was mad at him and that it was not okay.

"You were the one who told me to put my trust in you when it came to my protection. You were the one to say that you would keep me safe. You were the one who promised to be honest with me. Were these things engraved in the contract? All those lies you told me?"

"No." He shakes his head. " I'm sure a little part of you understands why I did it. Why your friends did it to you." My protection, yes, yes, and yes. I knew it, and I was tired of hearing it from everyone. He remained calm, and I knew he was doing his best to control himself at this moment.

"Don't mention them in this conversation! You all lied to me. And I can't just let it happen again." I halted when I felt a tight pressure in my throat.

"Did you ever think about my emotions? You let me believe things that aren't probably even the case!" I can't help it when I feel my eyes tearing up and it would be pathetic to cry in front of him, so I made an effort to hold back my tears.

"So this is all what's about? None of the things I said were lies. Do you think it was that fun to keep it from you? But I had to. There are things that you don't understand in the mafia world: the circle, the eighteen, Aeri! And that's why your father and your brother decided to keep that from you. This is all about the well-being of everyone. Do you imagine how the entire situation could have been if you knew all of this? All the information you could provide them? You wouldn't be the only one to be put at risk." I turn my head to the side and let my tears fall down because it is hard to keep all of my emotions inside; they're eating me.

"I never played with your emotions. Fuck, Aeri! I could never! And you know why? Because I fucking love you! I FUCKING do..." My eyes widen. I slowly move my head and look into his eyes, in search of truthfulness. The dejected, confused, and low tone of his voice has my heart clenching in my chest. For god's sake, this hurts, and I know that this time it isn't a lie, I feel his sincerity.

"I-" I pause. I have to take a deep breath. I want to tell him everything; I want to let everything out. How I want him to hold me in every way, how I want all of him, how I love him, and how it hurts so fucking bad that I do it because I can't keep lying to myself anymore. I can't keep convincing myself about my feelings. But here, sitting in front of him, brow raised in confusion and what I want to call concern, I chicken out. It all dies on my tongue.

"What is it? Tell me." He approaches me. There it is: a hint of the Felix that he lets me see, the Felix who cares . It almost angers me that he brings out that part in him now, because where was it all the other times? Only showing a play.

"Baby, tell me-"

"I'm not your baby, Felix." I snap. He nearly flinches; I know those words hurt.

"What do you mean? Of course you are," He rushes to correct. I shove his hand off my shoulder with my own.

"No! I'm not your baby, because you're not mine ." The words start flowing out of me. "You give me all these little snippets of you. All these little doses of how it is to be yours and have you be mine. And I've fucking fallen for it. And I know it can't be genuine, and it hurts so bad-" I stutter for a second. I lower my head because the tears feel like they come from my chest, starting deep within me before they travel up and out of me. It's a journey of emotion, and it makes my whole body ache.

He leans in, pressing his forehead against mine, and I let him. "I want to protect you, I want to stay with you. Not because your father wants it. Not because for any sort of benefit. I want to be yours, and everything that goes with it. Please ?" He whispers, carefully brushing my tears away.

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Oh my gosh, how I loved writing this chapter!
Buut I know I can make you wait for the next chapter. That's why I'm gonna post it right away <3