Chapter 8 ❤️

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After about five minutes of trying to fall asleep I needed to use the restroom. Badly. I tried and tried to hold it but my bladder was completely against it.

I sat in my bed and debated whether I should get up and go out into the dark scary night. The only bathrooms were in "town" and the walk looked pretty creepy and I was considering maybe peeing in the woods. It wouldn't be that bad would it? Just peeing in the woods?

Or, my brain stopped me before things got ugly. You ask Jackie to go with you

Oh yeah, huh! the slower side of me said. But whether she's awake or not is the real question.

"Jackie!" I whispered. "Jackie!" I repeated a little louder after about a second of waiting. "Are you awake?"

Silence.

"Jackie, are you up?"

Still nothing.

I mentally groan. It's been five minutes- well at least no longer than ten since she laid down, so how the hell could she have fallen asleep? It takes me hours to actually go to sleep so how could she have done it so easily? So quickly? She's a nineteen year old college student not a ninety year old man for Christ's sake! She should be pulling all nighters not falling asleep at eleven.

Well actually I take that back 'cause during the year ten is my bedtime. I just don't understand how I'm not asleep or even falling asleep. How the hell is she asleep and I'm not even close!

Well maybe it's because shes been here every summer and this is a new scary place for me. Maybe because she's so comfortable with everything about this creepy little place and I'm still freaked out. Maybe.

"Jackie, if you're falling asleep and don't wanna make a sound because you think I'll wake you up, then make a noise so I could make you come with me to the bathroom."

And still she said nothing.

"Ugh," I whine as I throw off my blankets. The instant chill of the night hits me and I scrambled for my sweatshirt and boots which luckily laid beside my bed in case of emergencies like this. I liked to be prepared for worst case scenarios so obviously murderer/fire/pee escape plan was on the top of my list. For preparation purposes I left shoes, blankets, and a sweater next to my bed at all times.

I remember telling my mom about it and she said that it was a fabulous idea and she appreciated that there was one plan for three very different things. I of course thanked her for that recognition, loving that I was able to use murder, fire, and pee all in a sentence, and I felt really cool for coming up with the plan. I rarely had great ideas so when this popped into my head I was ecstatic. But I have been told on several occasions that it's lame and in no way smart, but I do my best to ignore those who say that (aka my sister, my aunt, and my cousin Jennifer who I despise). Who fucking cares what others think anyway? If they'd see me now they'd be able to see how wrong they were.

Although I found their attempts to put me down petty, I was still self conscious about it. I'm self conscious about many things honestly. Maybe that's why I clung onto my budding relationship with Alyssa so desperately. Because I was scared I'd be looked over. When I met the group of friends from my college it was an instant connection and I had no need to worry about being overlooked. I was different from them in many ways but still I loved their company and it was the same for them. We didn't need to fake shit and our conversations always lasted. I never really struggled for friends but what if I had to? I'm nothing special, I just try to be me as best as I could, but sadly that "me" I try so hard to be gets pushed and transformed into something friends and boys would like to see.

When I first met my last boyfriend he was more chill and cooler than I was and I took notice. I looked up indie bands he listened to and memorized popular songs and members of the bands. I had previously listened to a few songs that Google said was popular in that genre but I never payed much attention to them. After buying a T-shirt for a band I knew he'd listened to (and who I had come to like) he asked about my shirt and we sparked up conversation and the rest was history.

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