Chasm of Chaos// A Hogwarts Legacy Story

{Chapter 36}

Dove

I tuck my head between my legs as the cool autumn breeze brushes over the back of my sweater. My father's disappointment is singed into my mind as my mother's watery eyes coat my line of vision. I feel a great deal of disappointment in the ways I have learned to cope with my inability to understand my own emotions. It's as if everything that happens before my eyes is like a film, in which I am trapped at the back of the theater as I am forced to watch my own life move past me. Everything resided in perfect neutrality before he waltzed back into my family's life. Not once have I seen my father snap so quickly as he did in the presence of Jace-

"Is it safe to assume your thinking about me right now?" He questions with a small bit of sarcasm hidden behind his tone. I keep my eyes facing forward as I draw in a deep breath. 

"Where's Caroline?" I question without looking behind me. I'm offering him the same coldness he offered me when he sat in my home.

"She asked me to come speak to you-"

"I doubt that very much," I hiss back before he can finish. A deep-rooted hatred for him lingers in my soul. It doesent feel natural. It makes my stomach churn. My body aches for the expulsion of the vile feelings it forces onto me.

"I can feel it you know," he says with a small step. His feet crunch the leaves beneath his sole with each one of his calculated steps.

"Feel what?" I question with a small raise of my head. I see now the cotton candy sky painting itself in front of me.

"All that hatred you feel when I'm near you," He says with a deep sigh. I move my head to turn to look at him. I feel his hands guide my head back forward as he crouches behind me. His warm fingertips hold the sides of my face as my mind screams for me to get away from him. I expect my legs to start kicking me away from him but some other part of me stops that from happening. It's deep within me. A small warmth fills my chest as I draw in a deep breath.

"Do you feel that Dove?" he questions next to my ear. His warm breath brushes the side of my face as I continue looking forward.

"Do you feel that warmth inside your chest right now?" he clarifies. I slowly nod my head as his strong front stays pressed into my back as he continues holding my jaw.

"That's me. That's how I feel right now despite any anger you have harbored toward me," he says. I feel my heart wince with disappointment in myself. It quickly slips away as that hate-filled feeling swallows up my emotions entirely.

"You're a fool for having that much kindness toward me," I spit harshly as I turn my head toward him. I twist my body to finally look at him. He stays crouched as he holds me back with ease. His head looks down at me as he now uses only one hand to hold my jaw to let me look at him. I feel his other hand hold my hip down to stop me from rising to my feet. Despite his hold and its control over me, he is still gentle.

"Do you still want to say that while looking at me?" He questions with a small cock of his head.

I see the veins in his arms as he holds onto me. His blue eyes scan my own intently as he looks me over. More unsolicited hate fills me.

"I don't like you. I don't want you in my life," I hiss without thinking. All he can do is give me a small smirk as he makes me turn back around toward the hills. Once again I am facing away from him. The feelings of hate die down the longer I focus on the changing sky.

"Close your eyes, Dove," Jace says with sincerity.

"No-"

"You will never feel anything unsatisfactory with me, I promise you that. Close your eyes," He mentions again. Some part of me feels a small bit of thrill at his response. I stow away any thoughts I have never allowed myself to explore as I slowly begin to close my eyes. He lets me go as he moves in front of me. With small grabs he slowly raises me to my feet, taking extra precautions on how much h etouches me. I oblige with closed eyes as I stay standing still. He lets his hands fall away as he begins to speak.