Chasm of Chaos// A Hogwarts Legacy Story

{Chapter 40}

Dove

My eyes fly open as the haze of a nightmare lingers over my mind. I can feel my eyes frantically searching for the familiar paintings on my bedroom walls, only to be met with black nothingness. I feel my chest slolwy rise and fall as I take in deep breaths. My hand instinctively reaches for one of the shirts Jace had left on his headboard as I drag it down close to me. With one movement I am pulling it over my head. I hear a small shuffle next to me as Jace lays back in one of his chairs. His eyes are closed as his head stays propped on his hand. He is mumbling in his sleep as if he is panicked. I see now the sweat lining his forehead as his feet move with small movements.

I can still feel my heart rate staying elevated. The longer I watch Jace, the sooner I realize it wasn't my nightmare I was feeling, it was his. More blankets surround me on the large bed. He had managed to cover me up more while leaving himself in such an uncomfortable position on the chair. His shirt is ridden up to expose all of the tallies on his side. My stomach can't help but recoil as I reflect on what Caroline had told me her tallies meant. It's safe to assume Jace's are no different. I bite my inner cheek as I feel his fears ramping up. Whatever he is dreaming of he can't pull himself away from it on his own.

"Damnit Jace," I whisper. Quietly I pull myself away from the bed, allowing myself to move closer to the panicked man. No matter what way I approach this, my touch will catch him off guard and that end result is utterly unpredictable. Not once has he allowed me to touch him without asking. Caroline said in passing how little she allowed human touch after all of the abuse she faced. It makes my fear of it seem that much sillier knowing mine only stems from fear of becoming too attached. Slowly I work my way to the restless blonde. My upper thighs are covered by the large shirt covering most of my torso. I can't help but feel my own blatant ignorance at the fact I had decided to leave myself so exposed and sprawled on Jace's bed and he still decided to make sure I was covered.

"You aren't supposed to care. It is so much easier for me if you dont care," I whisper as I feel that small bit of hate I have come to dread come over me.

With a gentle touch, I graze my fingertips over his scars. I feel each rugged mark as I silently count just how many there are.

"Twenty," I whisper as he continues jolting. I slowly raise up as I allow my hands to gently touch his face. With a small bit of pressure, I rub my thumbs over his cheeks like my father has often done for me. I can't help but hold my breath as his eyes fly open. His hands are instantly  gripping my thighs as he moves me backward and into the bed. I let out a small gasp as he wildly draws in breaths. His hand holds down my front as he looks me over. Even now I can see he is still processing what's going on.

"Jace it was just a dream," I mutter. With a quick swipe, I drag his hand away, letting myself balance on my knees on the bed as we finally become at eye level. He looks shocked as his grasp loosens entirely. My hand is still touching the side of his face as my other grips his side directly on his scars. I feel his pulse beneath my pinky as he breathes.

"You should have left it alone," Jace says with emotion-filled eyes. I can see now it's not fear he is wearing. Its embarrassment. An embarrassment that I have seen him so vulnerable.

"I couldn't sleep with you being so afraid like that. I felt it," I whisper silently as I hesitantly rub the soft skin on his side. His eyes widen at the feeling as he moves to grab my wrist. I press my forehead to him, directing his attention away from my touch and back onto my eyes.

"Stop doing that," Jace mutters out of frustration. I keep my forehead pressed to him, letting my nose touch his own as I continue rubbing his wounds with gentle strokes.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Jace. Has anyone ever told you that? I won't hurt you," I say silently as he remains still from my words. I feel his hand slowly lower from my wrist as his large hands slip beneath my shirt. I can feel his hands graze my hips as he draws in a shaky breath.