Deja Vu

7. Trapped

Rain woke up slowly, he could feel an unfamiliar weight on his waist.  He opened his eyes and took in his surroundings.  He tensed his body as the memories of last night replayed.  

He had slept with Phayu.  Rain squished his eyes shut trying to deny his actions of last night, his breathing increased slightly.   He looked down and realised that he was wearing a t-shirt and joggers, they must be P'Phayu's.  He does not remember getting changed, P'Phayu must of done it when he passed out.  He felt his face redden.  He slowly looked over his shoulder.  P'Phayu was still asleep, his breathing was deep and even, his face was relaxed and his lips had a slight smile lingering.  His chest was bare but he had shorts on.  Rain let out a small sigh of relief.  

He slowly moved Phayu's arm from his waist and slipped out of the bed.  He looked down at Phayu and decided he was still sleeping, so he crept out of the room and fled to the living room.  He found his suit case.  He opened it and found his running shoes, he put them on and quietly opened the door.  He needed to run, he needed to sort these complex of feelings that where coursing though his mind.  

While he was stretching he kept an wary eye on the door, he was half expecting P'Phayu to burst though it at any moment.  The though scared him.  He needed to understand why he is feeling this way.

Rain picked a path and started to run.  He liked that he could connect with surroundings while running.  The way that his feet fell as he kept up the steady speed, it sounded like a heartbeat.  

He thought what Phayu had told him about himself.  That he had been dreaming of Rain nearly all his life, and the countless drawings he had of him.  P'Phayu said the his father had told him that it had started at five years old.  Rain wondered if there was a way that he could get this confirmed.  Phayu's story has touched him, some of the things he said he could connect to some of the dreams he has throughout his life.   

Then there was the physical aspect of last night.  Rain had never been attracted to men before, he had had a couple of girlfriends, but they where more of a puppy/non threating kind of love.  But that night at the club, when he found himself in Phayu's arms had woken something in him.  When Phayu kissed him, he did not feel disgust.  He was scared of the new feelings in his body, he was confused and scared.  The second time they had kissed, it has felt so familiar.  As scared as he was, he had to admit that he had enjoyed it and for the next few nights it had kept him up thinking about it.  Then last night, emotions that he did not know he felt had overwhelmed his all of his  sensor's and caused his brain to shut down.  It had felt so right to be in his arms, his lips all over his body.  Even now his body was reacting to last night, and even though he was not ashamed of it, he still could not understand it.  Why did he give in like that? Rain had never been with a woman or a man before last night, but he thought any sexual act should at least wait until you got to know one another?

He signed as his footfall started to slow down.  He was using logic in a situation that was pure emotion.  He just wanted to know why his body betrayed him last night and why his mind this morning had know objects to the night before.  He felt like he was going mad.

Rain had reached a beach, he turned his head and could see the house on the hill in the distance.  The island seem to be smallish, but far out so you need a boat to get to the main land.  Rain lent over, holding his knees but his head looking up at the mainland in the distance.  

He was trapped here.  He was at P'Phayu mercy and control.  He signed as he straighten up.  What should he do now? There was no escape and his feelings were still a mess, but at least there was distance between him and P'Phayu at the moment.  But he could not stay here forever, his parents had raised him to face his problems, and that is what he was going to do.  He needed to talk to P'Phayu.  But he did not run back, instead he walked at his slowest speed.  He hoped by the time he reached the house maybe he have some plan on how to work this out.

Phayu stretched in bed and reached out for Rain.  But he was not there and the sheets felt cool to his touch.  Phayu shot up in bed and looked round in fear.  He tried to jump out of the bed, but his sheets had wrapped around his feet making him stumble.  He kicked them off and ran to the bathroom.  Rain was not there.  

He left the bedroom and ran to the living room.  Still no Rain, but his suitcase was still there.  It had been opened and left like that.  Phayu looked at it, he had a fear that maybe Rain had simply left it here and was trying to escape.  Phayu's heart hurt at that idea.  He searched the whole house and came up with nothing, he ran his fingers though his long hair.  

He put his trainers on and checked outside.  Still no Rain, from where he stood, he could see that no one was on the jetty and there were no boats sailing away.

"Fuck!!" Phayu shouted.  Did he try and swim?   

He crouched down and put his fingers in his hair.  He thought about last night.  Was Rain angry? ashamed? Did he regret it? 

"Fuck!" he screamed again, he just felt like he was messing things up again.  When it came to Rain, he just could not think straight.  

He stood up and walked to a chair and let his head fall into his hands.  He had been so happy last night.  He had Rain in his arms again, and Rain seem to understand his feelings.  Or so Phayu had thought, maybe - just maybe, he had steamed rolled Rain.  Clearly last night was his first time, he must of felt overwhelmed with everything.

But Phayu had waited 400 years to find him again, he needed Rain like he needed air.  
"God! I am so selfish" he muttered to himself.  "I am forcing my feelings on to him, I should have stopped last night"

Phayu felt close to tears, he had just found Rain and now it felt like he was going to lose him.  No!! He cant let Rain walk out of his life.  "I can't let that happen, I need him" Phayu cried.

He did not know how long he sat there for, but he heard the sound of someone walking.  He looked up and say Rain walk out of the forest towards the house.  Rain had not escaped.  His heart started to beat again.  

Without thinking he jumped up and ran towards Rain.  He grabbed him in a bare hug and kissed his head.

"I thought you had left me" Phayu whispered

"How could I do that?" Rain asked, "You have stranded me on an Island with no means of escape" 

Phayu had the grace to feel a little guilty of his under handiness, but he did not care as Rain was still here.  He held him tighter.  Soon Rain started to wiggle from his embrace, "I need air" Rain complained.

Phayu picked him up and walked back into the house.  He sat on the sofa with a shocked Rain on his lap.

"Rain" he said, looking into his wide eyes, "Let's talk"