Sweater Weather - Karlnap (au)

10: Memories

Karl Jacobs

--

All I needed to do was help someone out to get Sapnaps attention. He's been messaging me all night since Lola and I held hands at school, he's been asking me questions about her, trying to find out if we're together. Lola has also been messaging me, she followed me on Instagram and sent me a thank you message. We've been talking since. I keep getting a feeling that she wants us to continue whatever we done today, but I don't think I can. I can't lie like that, especially to Sapnap.

I lay in my bed, the fairy lights twinkling above my bed as I type another message to send to Lola. Joji plays through my speakers, his voice calming me down and distracting me from the argument happening downstairs. Three bubbles pop up on my screen as Lola types. I leave our chat when my phone buzzes with a different notification, I look to see what it is. Harmony followed me. I look at her page, it's already full of photos with Sapnap. The most recent one being from today when she was sitting between his legs on the field. I continue staring at each photo they have together, all of them memories from the past month they've spent together. 

"Karl" someone suddenly says, making me jump. I turn to see Sapnap tapping at my window, rain slowly falling onto him. I reach over and open my window, allowing him to enter my room. "It's so warm in here" he says as he shuts the window.

"Hey" I mumble as I quickly get out of Instagram so he doesn't see that I was just stalking his girlfriend.

"Hey" he replies, sitting cross legged on my bed across from me. I've missed moments like this. 

"So, what's up?" I ask while avoiding eye contact.

"Just wanted to see you" my heart flutters. "I feel like we haven't seen each other in a while. How have you been?"

"I've been okay" I lie. All I want to do is tell him how much i've missed him. "How's it going with Harmony?"

"It's good" he grins. "It's become very serious, very quickly. Usually that would scare me, but she comforts me. I like being with her, I like the person I am with her" I look away from him.

My phone makes a ding noise, grabbing his attention. I look down to see a message from Lola. It goes off again and this time Sapnap looks at it. 

"So Lola?" he bluntly asks. "What's that?"

"Oh, I don't know" I mumble, not ready to come up with a lie to tell him.

"Are you guys friends?" he pauses. "Are you dating?"

"No, no we're not dating" I look down at my phone that has another new message from her. "We might be".

"You might be? You don't know if you're dating her?" He frowns.

"I'm not sure" I say honestly. "It's all very new and confusing".

"Right" he doesn't sound convinced. "Right, okay then" he pauses, "I didn't think it'd ever be Lola".

"Why?" I look up at him.

"Well, you don't have much in common with her and I rarely ever see you guys together" he points out. 

"Like I said, it's new".

He doesn't say anything. We both sit in silence, listening to the static of the vinyl ending and the door downstairs slamming shut as my dad leaves again. I lay down, acting like Sapnap isn't even there. He doesn't move. I hear him typing something on his phone while I scroll through my own phone, the vinyl static still going. 

"I should go, I told Harmony i'd stay at her place tonight" I don't say anything. What is there for me to say?

"I'll see you tomorrow" without another word he climbs out of my window and i'm left alone trying to figure out if his visit was real or if it was all in my imagination. 

--

The next few days at school we're overwhelming. Everyone suddenly knew who I was, I was no longer 'Nicks friend', I was either Karl or 'Lola's new boyfriend'. Aaron hasn't spoken to me or even looked my way since he saw us together, but Lola has told me that he's still messaging her almost every night and she just doesn't respond. I don't know what i'm doing with her, I just held her hand to be nice but now it's becoming something bigger that is out of my control. Lola has been sitting with me every lunch time and she keeps telling me that we're just friends, but i've heard her say that we're more to other people. Harmony sits with us sometimes, Sapnap has only joined us once. 

Sapnap and I are talking like normal again. We're back to playing games together almost every night now that Harmony has a job at the local supermarket. He hasn't asked about Lola again since he visited me, but I have a feeling that he knows the truth. 

I plan to tell Lola that I don't want to lie to people. I do enjoy her company, I like that she talks about herself enough to forget to ask me things. She doesn't force me into opening up, it's all about her so all I have to do is listen. I enjoy the weird friendship we have, the last thing I want is to tell her that I only want to be friends and not be in a fake relationship. 

I find Lola standing at her locker with friends, she's laughing at something that was said. I'm sure if I tried hard enough I would like her and this fake relationship could possibly be real, but whenever I think about feelings and my future, I only see Sapnap. I walk towards them grabbing their attention the closer I get. When I get there Lola wraps her arms around me and I hesitate before wrapping my arms around her. 

"I haven't seen you all day!" She fake pouts as we pull away from the hug. 

"Sorry, I was in the library" I look between her and her friends. Her friends stare at us like they can't believe what they're seeing. At first those looks worried me but i've become used to them these past few days.

"We um-" I pause as I hear cheering coming from the end of the hall. Sapnap and Harmony walk through holding hands. Everything begins to slow down as my eyes meet his. I drop Lolas hand to face the couple as they continue walking. I feel something pierce through my heart, making it shatter to pieces in my chest as my eyes focus on Harmony. 

The sweater.

My sweater.

Harmony is walking through the halls, holding Sapnaps hand while wearing my sweater.