Sweater Weather - Karlnap (au)

29: august

Karl Jacobs

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I slowly open my eyes to be met with Lola already staring at me. Her hair and make up is already done, and she's dressed for school. She smiles at me, I don't return it. I hear music softly playing from my mums end of the house, and Lola is tapping her finger to the beat. Her hand then reaches up and brushes my hair back off of my forehead. 

"No school again today?" She asks. I shake my head. "Yea, I guessed that. It's already 3pm".

"Oh" my voice comes out raspy, and it feels like it's the first time i've spoken in weeks. "I'll go tomorrow".

"You said that yesterday" she sighs as I roll away from her. "Karl, I know it's hard but you really need to come back. You were doing so good last week, you went for two days!"

"That was last week" I huff. 

"I know" Lola pauses. "Karl" she rests her hand on my shoulder and I turn to look at her. "If you miss anymore days you're risking repeating. Do you really want to repeat and miss out on graduating?"

I sit up in my bed and Lola follows. I look down at my hands that are still stained with paint from the painting I done yesterday. I turn to Lola to see she's giving me her motivation smile. I let her grab my hand and pull me out of bed. She has full control of me right now, and I just let it all happen until i'm sitting across from her at a diner. 

"Have you talked to Harmony?" I ask.

"Of course not!" Lola almost shouts. "She knows that I know".

"What?" I frown. 

"Like, Harmony knows that I know she told Nick to friendship break up with you" I look away from her as the words leave her mouth. "Sorry" she whispers. 

"It's okay. You're just telling the truth" I take a sip of my milkshake. "Have you seen him?"

"Who?"

"Nick" his name feels foreign on my lips. But it's something I need to get used to, he'll never be Sapnap again.

"Oh" she pauses. "I'm not going to lie to you, I see him everyday. We talk everyday".

I don't question it, but I know she wants me to. 

"He's always asking how you are" she grabs my hand from across the table. "That proves that he still cares about you".

"Yea" I swallow the lump in my throat. 

Our food comes out and the conversation goes from Sapnap to Lola's day out with Aaron yesterday. I then feel bad because I forgot all about her side of things, I haven't asked about her progress with Aaron in a very long time. But now she's here telling me that him and his girlfriend recently broke up, and now Aaron won't leave Lola alone. I'm waiting for her to suggest going through a fake break up again, but it never comes. The more she talks about her time with Aaron the more sad she sounds, almost like she doesn't even want to be spending time with him anymore. But I know that's impossible, everyone in our grade has known that Aaron and Lola are basically soulmates. We all know that they'll be the first couple to get married after we all graduate. Then they'll get a divorce, only to get back together before the divorce is finalised. It's who they are and it's who they'll always be. 

After getting to know Lola i've learned that we are opposites. Lola is someone that loves the chase more than the thing. She's okay with just wanting Aaron because it gives her something to do, when she's actually with him she becomes bored. I could be like any other teen and judge her for it, but I can't. The only romantic experience I have is whatever I have with Sapnap, and that really isn't anything. I can't say I enjoy the hope I have for it all, I hate the chase really. But I understand why someone would like it, the constant rush of our hands just brushing against each other. The butterflies when he looks at me. The dreams of being with him. Our hope is better than the reality, and that's enough for Lola. I just can't say that's enough for me. 

"Have you changed at all in the past week?" Lola questions as we're walking out of the diner.

I look down at what i'm wearing. Sweatpants and Sapnaps sweater. The sweater.

"No" I admit. "I wanted to just shove it to the back of my wardrobe but I just can't. It's all I have of him right now".

"Oh Karl" she pouts for me. "You have me, please don't ever forget that" Lola grabs my hand as we continue walking back to my house.

We pass streets that her friends live on, she tells me a bit about each of them. They're all interesting in their own ways, and I now carry a piece of their dramas with me. I wonder if people speak of Lola and I the same way Lola is speaking about people right now. Do people know things about me? Do they know the dramas i'm having? Do they care enough about me to discuss the dramas with other people? 

Lola's world is one I can never imagine myself fitting into. Like i'm a random puzzle piece that doesn't fit anywhere in her life. Recently it's starting to feel like i'm a random puzzle piece in everyone's life but my own. Sometimes I even feel like I don't fit into my own life. 

When we get back to my house Lola demands I shower. She makes herself comfortable in my unmade bed and watched Bob's Burgers while I get into the shower. I tune out from the rest of the world, I let myself relax for the few minutes I have in here. Usually i'd play music, but I haven't been listening to any music since Sapnap came by. Every song that plays just reminds me of him, and any reminder of him just makes me cry. 

"Karl!" mum is in my room with Lola when I come back from my shower. "You never told me that Lola is your girlfriend!".

I stare at my grinning mum then look at Lola who is doing anything she can to avoid eye contact with me. Her eyebrows are furrowed and I see her eyes are full. 

"Yea, I was just waiting to find the time to tell you" I lie. I was never going to tell mum about my fake girlfriend. None of it is real, what's the point of getting her hopes up? 

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hey bestiesss

so theres a few renos happening at my house so i might not be able to update for a week or two im so so sorry

i need to post this before august ends tho hehe

ily all

i will be back as soon as possible i promise !!!!!!!

<3