Sweater Weather - Karlnap (au)

22: Witch Hazel

Karl Jacobs

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"Karl" he says softly, making me turn to face him. "Do you ever feel different?" he asks, without looking at me.

"Different in what way?" he turns to me, looking me in the eyes.

We stare at each other, I take the time to admire the different specs of colours in his eyes. How could one person be so beautiful? I will never understand. There are so many tiny details about Sapnap that just make him perfect. I could stare into his eyes for days and still learn so many new things about him, i'd never get bored of it. I could never be bored of Sapnap.

"Different like, you're not meant to be the person you are" he pauses. "Like i'm living my life wrong".

"I feel like that all the time" I notice i've ran out of breath again. My body becomes warm as I realise how close we are laying next to each other, I can feel his pinky laying next to mine. All I have to do is reach over and we'd be holding each other.

"I feel that way too" he says softly, also sounding out of breath. My eyes flicker down to his lips but quickly back to his eyes. I can feel the butterflies fluttering around my stomach, goosebumps have risen across my skin, and my heart is racing in my chest.

But then everything stops as I see his eyes flicker too. They lingered on my lips for a few seconds before he looked back into my eyes. We stare at each other, both of us not knowing what to do or how to feel. His pinky connects with mine, we loop them together and it sends electric sparks throughout my arm. 

I think about it every second of every day. I think about him every second of every day. My entire life changed weeks ago and I didn't even notice in the moment. I could only focus on Sapnap. He's the only one that's been on my mind since. Acting like i'm in love with someone else has been killing me, all I want to do is be the one walking by his side. I want to be the one he calls when he's had a bad day, the one he holds when he's upset, I want to be there when he gets good news. I just want to be the one for him.

He's been avoiding me ever since Harmony walked in on us. She didn't see anything, there was nothing really for her to see. Sapnap sat up right away and we both acted like we were just talking. I can never stop myself from thinking about what could've happened if she just didn't walk in. She didn't need anything from him, she just wanted to know where her boyfriend is. Her boyfriend was upstairs about to do something that would've crushed her, and i'm the cruel one that was waiting, hoping it would happen.

I would do anything to go back to that moment, to feel the rush I had when I realised he sensed the tension to. To when his eyes fell to my lips, and when mine fell to his. I crave the moments before whatever could've happened more than what could've happened. I underestimated my feelings for him, it has never been a small crush on my best friend. 

I am in love with him. 

There's never a moment in my life when i'm not thinking about him. Never a moment when i'm okay without being with him or at least talking to him. When I do see him, he's always with other people. If we walk past each other at school i'll stop to talk to him, but he'll lie and say he has somewhere to be. The few times we have talked since the party, we've been with our 'girlfriends'.

We've hit a point in a friendship that we've only ever hit once before. Sapnap avoiding his feelings for me, and him hurting me without realising.  About three years ago when we went camping, everything changed. A line was crossed that we both agreed we would never cross again, but here we are. Back then I didn't have a crush on anyone, especially Sapnap. He was the one that had the crush, and I was the one lucky enough to be his crush.