My heart is like a ball of flames. His every movement makes me weak. I don't like feeling this weak. Cory tried to tell me that being weak is a good thing. She said and I quote, "When me and Dante got together, we both felt weird. I wasn't a very emotional person. Neither was he. But we both started to understand that love and being soft is what makes us alive. That's how someone knows if they are alive. It brings people closer. It shouldn't be something you fear." I blocked out all the other things she said. I walked to the training room. I needed to clear my mind and this is the only way I knew how. I hated always going back to being the killing machine that I was born to be but, oddly enough, I find comfort in fighting. I'm no longer myself. I'm my persona. I feel better knowing I'm not myself. It helps comfort me. I know it's weird but I really don't care. When that little voice in my brain says to harm myself, I fight, I train, I become someone else. I'm not me anymore and I'm happy about it. I like not being myself. It's how I coped in my house. When I walked into the training room I saw Dante and Cory training. I sighed and sat down to watch. I needed to wait until they were done. I didn't know how much longer I was going to handle being in this body. I didn't know how much longer I could keep the thoughts in. I wanted to be happy. I wanted the thoughts to go away. Cory held up a hand to Dante to signal him to stop. She walked over to me and sat next to me, "What's up kiddo?" I looked at her, "Nothing." She gave me a look, "You sure?" I took a deep breath in so I didn't snap, "I'm one hundred percent sure." She smiled and got up, "Okay, if you say so." She walked over to Dante and whispered something to him. Then they both left. I stood up and turned on the training bots and took a weapon off the wall. I started to beat up the robots. I didn't care if I damaged them. I wanted to stop thinking. But with every move I made my thoughts started to grow deeper. The movement made it worse. Not even the character I made in my head could focus. All I could think about was my mother, Cee and Damian. I thought of my mother casting me out like I was a banana peel. Someone that she could just replace. I thought of Cee being there for me when they were on the edge of killing themselves. And then I thought of Damian, my love. The person who I wasn't even supposed to be with. If I was still with my mom she would have given me a partner. One that I didn't like. I got so caught up in my thoughts that I had to turn off the robots and go to my room. My head was racing. My thoughts in bunches. I wanted it to stop. My heart couldn't take it. I needed it to stop. I went over to my bathroom and took a sleeping med. Not to OD but to take a nap. I wanted to sleep but not forever. I needed a quick nap and I'd be okay. So I laid down. The med hit fast and hard. My eyes were heavy. Darkness started to overcome me. I fell asleep and in that slumber I still thought about everything. I couldn't escape my past or my thoughts. My dreams were filled with my mother casting me a side. I awoke with a large gasp for air and my mouth dry. I put my hand on my face. My world is cruel. Why would anyone want to be with someone like me. I'm a killing machine, I'm in a family whom is a cult, and my heart is dull. My emotions are blocked off whenever I realized I'm too emotional. I'm a mistake, a failure. I cannot understand why someone would want me.
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I will always go to you, my darling.
العاطفية"My darling, you are the only thing keeping me here." Pey is falling in love. Damion is a strong, powerful, stunning, young, hero and Pey feels like a tiny grain of salt compared to his skills and beauty. When they finally call their relationship of...
