scenarios - gxg fluff stories out of u and me

Scenario008: night call

I can't sleep at night. I mean I can, but I'm having a hard time doing so now.

My head is bugging me with so many thoughts like my school grades, my ugly face, ugly body, ugly writings, everything about me it feels like it's shit. All the negative words fog my brain and it's making my heart beat fast and my throat dry. This usually goes for three nights straight or maybe more.

This is the first time in a few months I feel worse, and it sucks that I'm feeling this after the first few days we've met.

"What's wrong?" You ask me while we're calling.

I'm laying down sideways, hugging my pillow as I set my phone underneath it.. I feel bad for giving vibes that are...off. This is supposed to be when we smile, laugh, have fun, give compliments, and lowkey "get it on" but here is me, a sad blob of poopstacks.

I try to shove it off but you insist on bringing it back up.

"Tell me; what's wrong?"

I bring the mic of my earphones up to my mouth. "There's nothing wrong."

"There is, I feel it." You respond.

"How can you even tell?"

"Tell me what's wrong."

It's not a question anymore. Your tone indicates that I should say it. So I sigh and give up.

"I'm just...not feeling well."

"Are you sick?"

I expect you to ask that.

"No, I mean not physically. Just things ringing through my head."

"Like what?"

I sigh again. I don't want this. I mean I do need to let it out, and I want to, but not to you. At least not now...

"Are you sure y-"

"Yes." You said without hesitation.

We just talked the last three weeks, and now you want me to tell you all my bad thoughts? I can't introduce you to my hell just yet!

"I..." I started, despite not wanting to. Half of me is hesitant, but the other doesn't know what to say.

"You?"

"I don't know what to say, okay? I repressed way too much shit I became a toilet that flushes them all."

"Take your time, then. I'll wait."

I take a deep breath in, and out. I'm thankful you said that, for being patient. I don't want to make you wait but you assured me you'll be there how long it takes.

I take my time to gather up my thoughts, though nothing seems to come out of it. Well, except:

Can you hurry up? She's waiting you know? No one has all the time in the world so can you just HURRY. UP.

"How are you feeling?"

When I snap back into reality, I notice the pace of my breathing increases so I try to calm myself with one deep inhale and exhale.

"I feel...Quite numb."

"What's on your mind right now?"

"A lot...Honestly. A lot that I can't spout out of my mouth at this moment."

"Then let's start somewhere."

"But...I don't know okay? I don't know how to say it. It's like my mind is filled with...Air! But the air is polluted but you don't see that! No one does. And it's just difficult...Fuck I don't even know what I'm saying!"