Project Athena | Reviews

Shadow of the Gryphon (Carmi)

Author: authorravenjade

Reviewer: Read-aholic2006

Genre: Fantasy

The blurb provides a bit more insight into the plot than the first few chapters, revealing that the Fae asks the main character, Aelhar, to help her return to her home, Caraillon. However, the journey is fraught with danger and peril.

The book is filled with fascinating place names, as is typical of the fantasy genre. From Doln Nory to the Draylam Woodlands, Vearney Woods, and Glastonbury, the author has created a richly detailed world. The author's impressive vocabulary is evident throughout the book, with vivid action verbs like bellowed, writhed, scrambled, combusted, and gnashing adding depth and dimension to the descriptions.

From the very first paragraph, readers can glean one of Aelhar's defining traits - his light-footedness. The author's skillful use of imagery and characterization is also noteworthy, as evidenced by her description of the beautiful woman Aelhar encounters. She is depicted as having emerald green eyes, porcelain skin, and auburn hair that cascades in ringlets. Her lips are described as supple and red.

The author's use of formal language adds a breath of fresh air to the narrative, setting it apart from the casual diction found in many YA novels. Additionally, the writer effectively employs short, dramatic sentences and figurative language, such as metaphors and personification, to create a vivid and engaging story.

However, to further enhance the detail and richness of the story, I suggest the author include more descriptive language in certain scenes. For example, rather than simply stating that the victims were drained of blood and had twisted bodies, the author could provide more detailed descriptions of their appearance. One possible revision could be: "The four corpses had been completely drained of all fluids, leaving their skin to sag from their skeletons like loose curtains draped over bony frames. Their limbs were contorted into grotesque positions, and their lifeless complexions were a clear indication of their demise."

There were several instances where I noticed that the sentences didn't flow smoothly into each other, creating a jarring effect that made it seem as though there was a sudden skip in time. For example, in one scene, Aelhar is searching for the missing children, hears a scream, and then the next sentence makes it seem as though the children were lying at his feet the whole time. To improve the fluidity of the narrative, the author could add another sentence to bridge the gap: "He scanned the ground for any signs of the children. He heard a scream and followed the loud cry to a quiet area tucked away in the shadows of the forest, where he found the children lying motionless on the ground."

Additionally, I suggest the author make more use of personal pronouns to eliminate the repetitive use of the MC's name. For instance, instead of "Aelhar led the woman to the mayor's home. Aelhar swallowed hard and cleared his throat... Aelhar knocked on the door and Marla opened it," the author could write "He led the woman to the mayor's home, swallowing hard and clearing his throat before knocking on the door. When Marla opened it..."

In terms of grammatical errors, there were only occasional omissions of necessary commas and words.

Overall, I would rate the chapters I've read 4 out of 5 stars. The characters are well-crafted, and the story is intriguing. The only areas that could benefit from improvement are the fluidity of certain sentences and the level of detail in some scenes.

I would definitely recommend this book to readers who enjoy folklore and magic, as it features a host of mythical creatures and captivating adventures.